So all day I've been loading DMT in my machine and smoking Caapi leaves then hitting the machine. A few hours ago I took my last puff. It started off 'normal' enough. Then all of a sudden everything went black and I thought, 'oh shit this isn't right' it was like a lightning bolt. I was sure i was dead. All system failure. I sat up sitting on my bed and opened my eyes, all I could see was a cloudy whiteness. Then my night stand came into focus. Still thinking I'm dead, I think, 'I guess this is hell' thinking about one of those twilight zone shows where someone is stuck for an eternity in one place. 'I don't want to die. I'm not ready for this.' I thought. i got up walked to the door opened it. Everything still has a white cloudy filter. I walk to the bathroom piss. Come straight back to my room grab all my DMT and walked straight to the bathroom and flushed it all. I'm still not sure if it was a DMT induced experience or if I actually died. I haven't been eating very healthy and smoking an excess of anything isn't good for you and I've been somewhat stressed out.

I hope it was a DMT induced NDE. Because now I'm afraid to go to sleep. Even tempted to go to a hospital to get a full checkup.

hi oneletter,

this seems to be a recurring topic while on dmt,i had such an experience too and it scared me just like you. flushing your dmt was a good idea, chances that you have the exact same experience the next time you smoke are quite high.

what helped me to integrate was to think about the first couple of experiences i had which were all very positive. there was so much love hidden in those. try to find the positive aspects in your trips and do not reinforce this single bad one (like i did).

hyperspace is not that land of milk and honey, just like in our world there are positive and negative aspects. dont worry too much and keep in mind, whatever you saw will be almost uninmaginable for non-dmt smokers. so dont try to get people into "believing" you, they most likely will not be able to.

let us know how your integration develops, if you can write all the trips you had that led to this experience down and share them.

much love,
332211

The DMT was of a yellowish light-brownish color and it made my mouth tingle. I remember a previous vision of the inside my body while peeing. Similar to an H.R. Giger painting. Thinkng, 'why am I peeing so often... Well our bodies are incredible machines. It's trying to flush the toxins out.' Ive had other experiences where I was enveloped by a golden light of love. Other trips where I reflect deeply into what I've been doing the past couple days. And it really hasn't been a whole lot. I've been neglecting chores and spending time with people that care about me.

By now I'm relatively sure it was Dmt induced. But I'm still not wanting to sleep for fear of waking up. There's a lot in my life that I need to get in order. I most certainly don't want to leave the world in the state I'm currently in. So I'm going to take a break from DMT for a bit. Hey, I cleaned the bathroom that I've been neglecting to clean for weeks already.

Take a break plain an simple

Will do. Still nervous though.

What are you nervous about ? It's not clear from your post

About dying. I seriously need to do a better job caring for the body I was blessed with.

I suppose it's really silly to be nervous. It's difficult to admit. The experience really scared me.

Let it go my friend, maybe it was because of doing it all day? I had that feeling to where it felt "alright, you had enough of one thing" kind of realization. I don't know but when I was smoking soo frequently as well, I had one very similar just being trapped. No one wants to be trapped and that's very understandable. Claustrophobia is my best guess. But like I said its perfectly normal to feel anxiety from such a thing.

Best wishes!

dls

darklord,

you made me curious: where have you been trapped and were entities present? how did you deal with it and how unfolded your experiences after this event?

I know my exp and opinion is just that, mine, but i can't see any reason whatsoever to smoke so much DMT. I don't find that you had a negative exp surprising at all considering that. Personally, i need to translate a little of what I'm told before asking for more.

And to be honest, I'm not sure why you thought you were dead. You had control of a body to suit up in, urinate from, etc.

Think I'm missing something.

I just looked at myself and where i was going. I don't want to be trapped by myself my bad habits, so much more to life than what I knew and found it. So I changed myself. Its not as easy as I thought it would be but I managed to do it, painfully face yourself with the man in the mirror it all starts there, Yes some entities were present some bad chattering in my ear but i knew better than what they were saying and only listened to the good. I don't do anything that would harm myself or others. But i know everyone has their bad habits. Things are said in the moment that I know I regret. I just know don't stop trying to improve yourself. I just choose to do less and less of the stuff that hurts myself and others learn from mistakes and try to make less of them. Joy is better than sorrow. Its a self-induced rehabilitation program lol I just got tired of being sick and tired, all, the, time. Then i "Exploded". I just dug deep. I don't know, but i had a lot of help through friends and family as well. Those who don't understand I just let them not understand and i keep going, that's it, not my hangup..

Thanks for asking! I kinda asked myself a little more from your question so you helped me too! Thanks man, got into music and art, kept myself feeling good, a job I like and I never let anyone say that I "Couldn't"

You're right. There was no excuse to smoke that much Dmt. I was trying to escape from one reality to another and was given a 'careful what you wish for' experience.

I wish I could explain the numbness I felt as I sat up and the surroundings started to come into focus. I knew I was dead. By the time I got up I was starting to come to the realization that I was in fact alive. And when I touched the metal of the door handle I was thanking God for a second chance. But the surrounding were still cloudy for a while longer.

I was just scared like a child of a nightmare. So much so that I couldn't sleep last night.

Thank you darklordsson for sharing your story.

oneletter,

go into nature. i mean real nature, not one of those plastic parks. spend the day outside and bring stuff to sleep outside, chances are high you will want to. kick off your shoes, lie on the ground, watch what happens on the ground, you will be surprised.

darklord, thanks for the insight, how long did it take you to recover?
I think my experience was quite similar, wasting my life and thinkig to be dependent on the hamster wheel were the main topics. I will have to change a lot but so what.

Going into nature is great advice,
its an important element to all of my experiences.

Its easy to get lulled into a false sense thats its all flowers and candy land in the beginning.
Its easy because it can be so ridiculously amazing beyond words.
Of course your gonna want to keep going back in.

Personally I went through a long period where I thought it was all beautiful and got lulled into
a false sense of security where I stopped careful attention to dose.
I also had that moment where my first thought was to flush the stuff down the toilet.
Instead I put it away for a long time integrating what had happened to me.
My experience in short was a splintering of myself into a million tiny fragments
and that I had crossed a line
and would remain in this state for the rest of my life. I will never forget that feeling.

I think its a pivotal moment in the exploration of this stuff when you discover the power it has
to destroy you. I have treated this in a completely new disciplined way ever since I found this out for myself.
I believe its something you have to learn for yourself.
Its one of those things you only know after it happens.
The lessons learned are always deep, solid and hit home with indescribable ferocity sometimes.

It has earned my full respect always.

Another piece of advice I might share is that no matter how deeply crazy it gets and you feel
you will always come out ok. And also try never to take anything that happens too seriously.
Whatever your feeling will pass, it always does.

Hi.


Some tips on what you can do :


*Eat well
*Drink a lot of water
*Try not to "think" about what happened , instead i suggest "doing" meditation. Lie down on your bed , use earphones and listen to some good music/guided meditation.
These are good : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tOQaVSX-N4ci
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9SuH5LlrAm8at


After a few days of "Rehabilitation" you can start writing about how you feel about what happended. I guess the event was frightening in many ways. But you must remember that all this happended within your mind. Do not try to make sense out of it. If what you experienced was real or unreal does not matter very much. Where you are right now is all that matters. Connect with your breathing = Connect with your body. If you had a NDE it is important to connect your mind and body together "again".


Keys : Forgive yourself.
Accept what happended and realize that this was a great opportunity to learn.
Realize deeply , that if you go into an experience with the mindset to escape "ordinary" reality , shit may happen. This is a very important lesson that unfortunately will be learned the hard way for most of us.

-About dying.

I see life as life , no dying , no living. There are just life. Endlessly going on. You are not dead , nor will you ever die. Your body, personality and all that is not the real you "will die". But as you said , you could use your body while the events unfolded. And that is a good sign, it means you are alive. But who knows , life might just be a dream within a dream within a dream.. Surrender to not-knowing , not-understanding and everything will fall into place. Even this experience that you just had. Remember that there is so much love in this universe. Connect to that , you will be healed. It takes time though. Take a break. Eat,sleep,exercise,breath.



"By the time I got up I was starting to come to the realization that I was in fact alive. And when I touched the metal of the door handle I was thanking God for a second chance"

= This is how we should feel every moment of our life. Expressing gratitude. Every second is in a way a new chance , every minute , every hour , every day , every week. We can start again. I wish you the very best , and that this "new start" will be wonderful.




"Failing doesn´t make YOU a failure"

Magic phrase : "Letting Go"


Peace.

Yes,it seems you've experienced near ego death.
Caapi and dmt have the effect of transcending the ego (depending on the dose of the plant & extract), but you didn't go all the way and the ego got scared (trowing dmt in the toilet)?

A quote from T. McKenna:
"Where the problem area lies, people think it lies in taking too much. It lies in taking too little. Because if you take too little, you can resist it. You can struggle with it, and then it can turn into a real mess, because you’re afraid of it and you actually have the power, to some degree, to resist it. What you want to do is take sufficiently enough that there’s no escape, and that the transition from ordinary reality to fully loaded is as quick as possible. Because the going up is somewhat terrifying."

First I want to thank everyone for helping me through this. I am feeling a little better: still quite shaken by the experience. About the Terrence McKenna quote. When I smoke I sit off the side of my bed. And usually I end up leaning forward. Sometimes coming back with my head between my knees like I'm looking under the bed. This time I think I fell to my right, my head landing on a pillow. My pillow is black. And I remember as the light zapped to darkness thinking, 'fuck I've done it. I'm goners' or something like that. I wasn't scared just kinda matter of factly. I'm still trying to piece together what happened. I don't remember anyone present or any other voices. No pain. I actually felt nothing. No weight I didn't feel the bed, the floor anything. The next thing I remember is sitting up. Still not feeling. Numb. Sometime my vision turned from black to white. The closet door in front of me is white. But it was just a solid cloudy color. Slowly my nightstand comes back into focus the gold wicker stood out. The red, white, and blue stripped ribbon from a medal for volunteering at a race, hanging out of bottom drawer still white fog. Cloudy. This is when I think, 'so I guess im in hell'. But I guess maybe it wasn't hell after all. Maybe it was a pergatory of sorts. Or like McKenna said, I just didn't go all the way. I felt like I had to spend eternity right here. He bright blue of my jeans came began to be visible and my red backpack. I can't explain how convinced I was that I was in fact dead. Like a ghost. When I arrived at the door and touched the handle I felt so blessed to have a second chance. I went to the bathroom. Then came back to my room grabbed all the DMT damn near 2g+ took it straight to the toilet. I was panicking.

I knew Dmt could cause death experiences. And I had thought I had one... It was nothing like this. That experice I had just felt like I evolved to another creature. A tiny squid looking thing. Or actually maybe it resembled more like a ghost from packman except longer points on the bottom. Again, the colors were black and white. That experience wasn't scary at all. Comforting knowing that the soul lives on and our bodies are mearly hosts.

This... Last night differed because I felt I was to spend eternity with just the thoughts and experiences I've had up to last night.

Again. Thank you.

I started this post and I was going to go one way with it and it came this way.

The experience felt tremendously real. I even went so far as to write a note to my family in case I didn't wake up.

Quite an experience this can be. But don't forget to ask for help if you need it, Pride is worthless when something like this is the way it is. We are here for you, if not me than another prime nexus member. Don't be afraid to ask for help. Have enough pride to keep who you are, but not enough to not talk about it with friends and family.

Best wishes Oneletter, you'll get better!



It took me about six months of wondering but I also had a looking from the outside within kinda thing going on. So if it bothered me I just wouldn't care about it but I would ponder why and not let it affect me, they did to make me think but in the end they didn't and I continue to think the current way, positive. Excuses are excuses just to cover up poor judgment in mho. But logical reasoning served a lot better kind of "the ends don't justify the means" there is nothing wrong with wandering\wondering.



dls