Hey guys
Glad to be pioneering this concept with you.

Edit: BTW This thread is inspired by House's thread regarding SHE and A post by a1pha regarding SHEs



Due to the nature of my most recent group of journeys being heavily within the 'fear zone' (Fear was easily attracted and in both large quantities and deep qualities) there is work to be done here.

Clearly body and mind are capable of experiencing more fear than the world is even able to agitate in us.
Yet, and with the help of DMT, we can manage to transform it.

With a robust body of experience to reference, this whole group which should like to participate in synchronized intentions may be able to cloud-source our experiences and share with each other on a being-level (though not to exclude forum discussion as a very important means of communication) .

There is a chance that in some way we pass our fears on to other people, there is a sort of flux which we are all going through together as if a reef in the currents. So perhaps we can form a citadel together made up of a common intention. A space which we have as a group enforced the walls of and may maintain by using DMT with the intention to face the current fears which flow through us and ask that by the power of DMT we might dissolve and digest the energy of these fears.

And by digesting our own 'shit' on a personal level, together we strengthen the fortress and produce within it

A certain genie which will become accustomed to our intentions and will form a very abundant situation within this protected cove which we may occupy.

So, my next update will be a trip-report/experience-account of my attempts to establish this situation for us.

Please share your experiences/ participate!

The goal is to have access to the citadel quite freely by establishing this ritual/ceremonial nodule for us to grasp.


I hope very much you will share your most fearful experiences (especially ones which relate to trip-reports)
I will also attempt to share accounts of deep fear which I have worked with (and also not worked with, just breathed until it was over.)

Most recently, in the past two weeks, I decided to engage DMT more fully than I had in the past 4 months. This decision followed a very pleasant vaped DMT experience.
I decided to stay in a nice hotel for a couple of days to have a full sense of privacy. Inviting people was a mistake, although there was no real harm done by them. I did have a few friends over at the hotel and we talked and smoked marijuana. After they left all the various things we talked about of course disappeared and I would never remember.

However, little bits somehow did float up to my mind. As I was weighing out a bowl of enhanced leaf,
I remembered my friend mentioned that "be careful because some hotels work with cops."

So I immediately drew the connection that perhaps the NSA also worked with hotels to spy on people?
And shortly after that I realized that one of the people whom I had over looked an awful lot like an undercover cop.

So then all of the sudden my bowl is packed and I smoke it trying to brush off this surmounting paranoia (an not even truly aware of it yet, like trying to brush off a really nasty toothy pinchy insect)

And I was really surprised after I Smoalked because I felt as if I were going out of body in a new way which I hadn't experienced yet.
But moments later i became totally convinced that I am under investigation and that for sure i was f*cked. Mostly just an intense crippling fear and sense of dread in my stomach. This did clear up after about 15 minutes. It was very clear that even though the fear is not superficial, the reasons behind it were. However, I know for sure that DMT can help one transform this fear. I would say there is an unhealthy level of fear in me at the moment, and so work must proceed very cautiously in order to use DMT to cleanse and heal these resinous dirty grime that is fear.

I will ask that DMT help one to see that the fear is superficial compared to states of being which are of a higher-order of creation.

Then I hope that when this group-collaboration makes progress, there can be much more confidence that there is a safe place in hyperspace for you (where you may have in abundance these states of higher-order being.)

DMT has responded by showing me the predator itself which spawned fear in the first place.


DMT agreed with me and made no mention of my terribly-posed question.
It didn't show me what fear is superficial compared to.

It showed That compared to which fear is rendered utterly real.

Compared to this, fear is entirely real.

Please, thank you for participating.

The solutions are as superficial as the problem.



I learned that the citadel can be constructed through great honesty and a fair bit of real work together.
I will continue my work shortly thank you.

Well I read your posts but not the last one, and strangely enough it motivated me to vaporize ~22 mg dmt fb in the genie.

What happened ...hmm how to verbalize the effects. I am not really sure but I think they were relatively un-important. However, what was important was the message I seemed to receive, the signal was subtle but clear.

As I just returned and came and read you last post. It seemed to neatly tie a bow on not only my short visit to hypersapce, but really was very powerfully synchronistic with my day.

It seemed to validate everything I am doing currently in my life and solidify a vision of and temper in how to approach whatever this obscure alchemy is that we are performing.

This is very good to read adam

I was also motivated to vape some enhanced leaf shortly after finishing the second post.
There's a huge chance that we had a synchronized hyperspace event together

I made the third post after coming down,

When I smoalked it was just two large hits of enhanced leaf from the vg.
It was a very nice, powerful experience and then when I recalled my aim was to probe fear and face it,
I encountered a very high level of fear. I KNEW this fear was unfounded but convincing myself of this was very difficult.

It soon dawned on me how DMT was answering my intentions.

I was seeing that fear was being fed by strange suggestions from the Ego
But basically it was happening because the ego doesn't want to accept that it doesn't know anything.
It wants to change situations which can't be changed, but it doesn't even know what the true situation is.

But I also felt dissatisfied because I knew making observations about the ego is only worth so much
When it comes to wrestling your way out of a paranoiac chokehold.

Nonetheless I was totally accepting of the state of fear so that I could observe and begin to find a sanctuary from it.

I decided to read someone else's recent experience-report and felt so completely happy that he had a positive experience with DMT. I knew that I was not having an experience like that for sure but the joy I felt just through reading his report took me very deep. From there, I read a few more nexus threads and experienced a sense of synchronicity which really helped me experience peace and reminded me that everything is OK.

This is when I posted the fourth time. I saw that the citadel can be built, and it can be built by transforming fear and smoking DMT
But also by making sure we namaste each other. Because of so much fear, the other rarely can experience a true namaste.
So by
Being honest and a doing fair bit of work
I believe we can tap into the source of this synchronicity which we feed each other.


I honestly feel that the nexus could be a synonym for this citadel.

Nonetheless, where we all come together is the safest place in the whole universe <3

Hi there! I'm still digesting the idea. At the first read, of the first post, my initial thoughts were based on my early DMT experiences and FeaR.

When I first ordered and extracted, I had this terrible fear that I was being watched by some government. I had a self created paranoia that was a result of reading about other people's busts, and immediately empathizing with them. I was a member of the shroomery, which is a much larger forum, and people frequently posted about being busted. This scared me.

The difference, which i didn't understand at the time, was that they were being loud about their involvement, and/or selling substances. Both of those things leave a trail that is traceable.

I was scared. Very scared. I didn't sell, and didn't say much about substances, but I was still trained to be afraid. This fear was based on the power of suggestion.

Others, whom I had associated with via the shroomery, had suggested fear. What I didn't associate was the potential difference between our actions. I do not sell, and I try to keep tight lips. If I do give, the receiver doesn't even know it's coming until I hand it to them.




After a few paranoid trips, thinking I was being watched, I realized that I was creating that feeling within myself via empathy and association. The end result was: by decreasing the potential probability of negative attention/public interaction, I would be able to decrease my own self created fear.

There does seem to be a deep seated paranoia associated with these things that on some levels is inescapable given the society we are a part of. Overcoming that hurdle into growing and spreading the medicine for me is the real chore in my life right now. I am in a position to do such things but it seems I have to be careful at every turn.

Really I believe to create "the citadel" it starts here on Earth, the hyperspacial platform needs a strong foundation. Which means in my mind using these substances without guilt. There is a lot of guilt associated with these substances that needs to be overcome, and I think that starts with learning to grow them and use them, and to try to teach others to do the same. I am learning this is actually not as hard as I originally thought. It simply requires more focus.

Citadel synchronicity?

BTW, adam, I've had the name "adam" coming into my mind repeatedly over the past two weeks. Is there anything you need to tell Me? Lol

Highly useful experience thanks for sharing.

Where you are going with this seems to be perfectly correct.


As adam posted, to create a protected space in hyperspace we need to start with here on earth.

We have to protect ourselves and we have to learn how to keep our own conscience clean
The beautiful thing is the unknown percentage of this process that is driven by truly fantastic and mysterious forces.

Yes, paranoia of the law in regards to DMT and how that relates to growing and sharing the medicine is highly relevant to this discussion and project.


Even though I feel that the fear itself needs to be killed somehow, there is also the work we must do to learn what it may be able to teach us. IME the most physically and emotionally painful fear which I experience comes from
Fear of the law and having a guilty conscience in regards to using psychedelics.

I completely agree that this requires focus to overcome thank you both fortune input so far. useful, helpful, valuable and relevant.

When I venture into the unknown, I usually do a wake up call, first. It generally always starts the same way. I close my eyes and this weird smoke/energy stuff forms in the void of the closed eyes. Depending on mood, intent, position of the sun, and postition of the body, it can be changed and adjusted.

For the wake up call, I create a yellow/orange/red energy and blast it out, as if it was wave of compassion. I imagine the effects of the wave touches the lives of all the people within a few miles of my current position. Once, it was so strong, I thought I manged to send a blast that covered the whole earth. During that time, I say my thanks for this gift of life, and send my love to all. I'll usually wait about 20 mins or so, and then go visit the "beyond."

Woah that's really cool thanks

AcaciaConfusedYah

I have an update to share:

The outrageous fear has come on in episodes without any DMT.

These experiences are like a sense of eschatothesia where I can sense death is near,
Very intense,

And then the paranoia starts and I kick in to survival mode.

I've experience two of these episodes in the past two days.

Yesterday I coped with it quite well, however the things that I learned during that experience I did not integrate

And so today I experienced another feeling of eschatothesia plus paranoia,

However I felt that certain steps towards integrating what I have learned had to be taken.
Clearly I had something that needed to be integrated.

When I think about what Pharmer posted in the other CHi thread
(An article about how time goes backwards)
It was clear that these manifestations of intense fear had to be stopped.


So this is what I learned in an intense paranoiac episode of eschatothesia,
This is how I am transforming fear:

I need to be focused to overcome this hurdle .

I need not feel guilty about using this medicine but in order to do so I must first not abuse it.
Then I need to decrease the potential probability of public interaction and attention regarding whether or not I am a criminal.


So I threw away my VG and All my medicine

I will continue my work towards the citadel sans DMT for now and quite likely indefinitely.
My level of fear seems quite unhealthy, at least it would be unhealthy not to accept the fight or flight response along with it.




I am quite relieved to have this community thank you very much everybody.


DMT absolutely should not be illegal







Nonetheless, our society probably isn't even capable of not abusing it.

Thank you Nexus for showing me that

DMT is used correctly by some very lucky people, and it has been for a long time.

Also thank you for leading me to the greatest mysteries in the universe.


I love you.


Edit:

I would also like to mention that shortly after these episodes first started happening,

A friend with whom I was simply hanging out with in a park taking a nap on the grass

Suffered a siezure and stopped breathing. At the moment I thought he was dying though I didn't believe it myself.
He did end up dying for about 30 minutes and miraculously is Making a recovery in the hospital.

Needless to say I was very shaken by this but I was trying to transform it as best as I could.
I feel my actions are a completely unique response to a completely unique set of circumstances, however I would recommend
Responding as genuinely as possible to fear.

P.p.s.

I hope that you don't view this story as a tragedy, but rather a real example
Of how this wonderfully run website
And how these plant teachers
Can Help us in our lives to grow.

I am not afraid of DMT and I know that it loves better than many people do,
I believe that I have been guided to this situation
And I must leave DMT behind with no regrets.

Much love.

My friend,

You leave and come as you need, no regrets.

Best wishes

cubeananda,
I can't even imagine what you must be going through right now.
I am with you that it was time to put the spice away for a while.
It doesn't have to be indefinite, but trust your intuition.
It will always be there if you so wish. Even if you don't use it.
Remember that. That is what we are. You've seen it.
We are here too in our own digital way.
Thank you for taking the initiative to start the CHI and sharing with us your journey transforming fear.

Thanks to you both and I am learning so much.

However, I didn't throw away my salvia stash, by some play of divine luck/I really didn't want to throw that beautiful plant down the toilet.
It seems highly appropriate that I should continue this journey enlisting the help of salvia when I am ready as it is also the first psychedelic I ever consumed. Also my intentions are really coming in to focus after these recent trials.

As it turns out I was experiencing states of light delirium due to a viral infection. Hopefully I can remember that if it happens again ! D'oh!

Much love and respect to you all.

I decided to start working on some of my own fears last night - after reading your post.

One of my fears was high doses of mushrooms. When I was younger, my first experience was with 5 grams of cubes, and it was amazing. I was 18(bout 10 years agao). The second time I ate mushrooms, I ate 5 grams of fresh picked feild cubes... holy-mother-f-n-cow!!!! Terrifying experience for an Un prepared mind. I was expecting a similiar euphoric experience as the first. No. No euphoria.

That was my first experience of ego death. I had no idea what happened. All I knew was that I was watching my body completely dematerialize into atomic particles and begin to float around the room. I was 20, 2 years after the first encounter with psilocybin.

This was a lot to process at the time, and I had no support or people to talk to about my experiences. I didnt learn about "ego death" until much later.


It wasnt until a year ago that I decided that I may have left myself with some unanswred questions about my own fear, and that life changing experience that had molded my mind.

About a year ago, I began venturing back into the world of the weird. I stayed with mushrooms. Hunting, growing, and consuming(in very small doses).

At first I was uneasy- remembering my past experience. Over the course of a few snall doses, I was able to calm my nerves ababd become more comfortable. I was still afraid of high doses.


Last night, I decided it was time. The only fear that I had to fear was fear itself. I pulled 7g of dried cubensis out of the feezer, ate the shrooms, at two hits of lsd, and decided to see what happened.


The fear was lifted. I was guided with a new found pride of the self. The pride that the self was able to put aside its resignations of fear to move forward.

Hopefully hyperspace senses my efforts, and can help bring some ease of fear.

cubeananda I hope your doing okay. Its hard to hear of things like this happening, I know life can be overwhelming at times. Please take some time to let yourself wind down from all this, it sounds like quite a bit. I know in my case the hardest part of the transformation of fear does not occur in hyperspace but in work that needs to done here on Earth. My fears are resultant of having physical body and an ego that goes along with it. Balancing things like, work, family, and school, and trying to evolve my consciousness at the same time is quite the balancing act.

I have at times felt like I was using psychedelics too much and I think I can relate to the eschatothesia you speak of. Those types of episodes scared me sober for several months at a time. Sometimes its not clear when I use properly it or abuse it, although its becoming clearer.

Anyhow us humans need to be allowed to fail, to be overwhelmed, to be scared, its the only way I believe we can evolve. I believe we are here on Earth in this form to perfect our wisdom, that it is all a learning experience. So please, stay strong!

peace

This was a very unique and blessed gift for me.

There was also the prologue to this whole episode which I didn't really mention because I felt a little guilty/prideful.
A day before the first fear-trip I experience I had (a sequence of maybe 4 of them)
I was offered to smoke something called "spice" which is like a marijuana alternative.
I thought this was just a blend of herbs and would be nice to smoke so I obliged that gentleman who offered it to me.

Shortly after I smoked it I realized I have no fucking idea what I am supposed to do right now. I literally don't know who I am, am totally incapable of responding to any emergency/responsibility should one arise. And then I was told after the fact I started making strange noises and tried to lie down on a bush. And this was next to a very busy public pool. So to circumvent 911 calls,
I was graciously escorted back to my parents home (I was visiting for Easter )

So that was incredibly humiliating and created such an intensely wrong perception about me and quite possibly will change my relationship with them for a long time.

After being escorted home I collapsed on my bed. I was feeling seriously miserable, but then I started having CEV
Which I will never be able to describe accurately. So vivid and novel were these visuals.
Here's a description of the visuals.


So maybe I shouldn't have even smoked DMT for like a month after that. It has been an epic past couple weeks.

Acaciaconfusedyah,
Thanks for your work with the high dose of mushrooms- I too need to make peace with the fungi one day.
That is a serious dose of mushrooms too. Perhaps giving it our irrevocable trust (e.g. Stuffing our mouths full of mushrooms) is the only way to learn to trust them?

Thanks for your kind words Adam. I've been reading the "memorable quotes" thread today and I felt very happy to be one of the brain connections in this hypersimensional self transforming machine cube with you guys. Some real sanity in this world can be found in that thread and all across the nexus.

Hello friends, I have an update regarding my work integrating fear experiences.

Today I felt much better, although I still have symptoms of what is probably a typical rhinovirus infection (a cold.)

I decided to buy a new pipe, an extremely cheap metal pipe with a screw top to make an improvised convection pipe out of.
I chose to do so with a card rather than cash, and about 10 minutes after purchasing it I started Having once again an episode of paranoia. I am quite used to this by now, and learned that the fear is who I Am. Not exactly the specific thoughts which revolve around fear and certainly not paranoia, but I am the fear itself. In fact I realized that I am more myself during these episodes. I realized that when I am not in this state (which is not truly fear per se, but it feels like what our egos consider fear to be) I am simply asleep to it. I eventually fall asleep to the reality that I do not know and I become less alert.

I was reminded (and the meaning of which was illuminated for me) of the story in which Moses enters the "Cloud of unknowing."
And is instructed to inform the Israelites of "I am that I am."

I saw quite clearly that my path includes psychedelics, be them legal or not. This was shown to me by way of showing me on which path fear will show its face directly. The path of psychedelics is the path I have found where fear will show himself. Thus, for me, psychedelics are included on the path to myself. (I love you so much, especially house for this CHI idea, it came at the perfect time in my life and it is very useful for me.


Also I have mentioned some about time going backwards and how this may be relevant.
I don't want to explain this too much, but essentially what I mean is that if we are alert we enter eschatothesia.
I would say that I am thoroughly convinced that I am being specifically surveyed by some mysterious people who can track everything about me. I am sure were I to make some large some of money due to a stroke of good fortune I would be audited.
There are people out there who wish to "get me."

It is difficult at the moment to put it this way, and I don't wish to feed paranoia In anybody. I do believe that this citadel I am speaking of actually exits within fear and not away from it, and the idea that we don't know whether we're being watched is as relevant to our safety as the idea that we definitely are being watched.



Edit:

Just found out kikker is a narc, this explains it all.