Currently I'm in the hospital, I will probably die very soon, And I do not wish my death to be in vein, what I want is to prove to the world that something higher exists, unfortunately I will have to prove it when my brain is completely dead, they already have a clean mri scan of my brain, the next one will tell a different story... Here Is my story: I was on ayahuasca a couple of times, the first time I had almost complete control and I had almost infinite energy, somehow I was connected with holy lines and I have let ayahuasca and those beings be one with myself, and the entire time I was sober, I was connected in this world with an incredible power, I was thinking 100 things at once, they weren't words, but a thought came to me as if was like a vibration, it all started when I was in bed and these thoughts came to me, I knew then what did I want, and I had full faith in ayahuasca and I relaxed, my body started dancing to invite those lines to connect with them in this world, I felt the energy of my mother completely and I was completely present, those thoughts were like vibrations and I did not think in an ordinary way but in a higher way, when one thought comes to you within a millisecond and immediately and you instantly go hm hm hm, and I had a million of them, he showed me many things and I started to open the channels that were blocked to me , my hands moved on their own on my head and I felt that I was connecting everything with my fingers and that I was connecting these holy lines as well, but I didn't succeed in the end, because I didn't do some things correctly and I tried to connect again, but in a forced way. This is my first experience.

The 2 one is not really that important, I bassicaly had a horrible trip, but I did again the same day because I knew that I severed almoust every connection there is, and I knew the only way to get it back is by taking it again,

My mother threw away most of it, but there was a bit left, so I took it on the day the eclipse was settling

At 2 in the morning I took the ayahuasca and It was going horribly, but I had faith that the world loves me and that it wants me to be repaired, I've let this omnipotent being control over me, I gave him full control over my body and I knew that he was something far greater and he started to work on my body and mind, I started to do the seed mantra chanting on my own I was doing these vibrations And so I vibrated and thought and traveled through my thoughts, while the holy spirit swung me like a baby And the whole time he caressed me in the same way, as if telling me that everything will be fine, but every time I have a thought about him and his powers and his knowledge, it started to disappear, then I give him full control again and I did not question it again, because it has the knowledge of the universe, this lasted for a good 6 hours. Once I went to sleep I felt that something went inside of me, the next day I had this power, to think 100 thoughts, to travel, to look at other people and sense what they're thinking and I could imagine whole universes and worlds and go through them and think at the same time and I had almoust infinite energy,and all in all I was something higher, and to this day They're still inside of me, and they are taking more and more from me.

This is one of the messages I have sent to my friend, I currently do not possess enough brain power to write such things again, my memories, thoughts, emotions,contemplating and almost everything that makes you human I have had the ability to manipulate and I have severed almoust everything. I have placed a curse on myself that each that I'm getting worse and worse, I do not know when or what happened anymore, but still I wish to leave proof, and that I was indeed something higher, I just took too many wrong turns and I have ended up in this situation where almost all thoughts and emotions have faded away, and I'm deleting myself entirely

I'm in the netherlands right now at (redacted by mod) My name Is (redacted by mod) They have an mri scan of my brain, it's basically clean I will do another one and this time It will show that I no longer have that much of brain activity, I severed almoust everything, It will be undeniable proof, because it',s impossible to go from a clean mri scan to a braindead one with just thoughts right? Or maybe they will probably say that I've hit my head or something. And I will, or my family will show proof of the mri scans, I'm going to try to document everything.

The 2 mri scan is going to take place in early January

With that, I will prove that I was indeed something omnipotent, and it will be proof that something higher exists, and ayahuasca will be looked at in a different way, and further research will be conducted and it will be a warning, that someone can end up like myself, I want it this to be looked at in a good way, I don't want my death to be meaningless, I want to make a change, I want new light to be seen and that indeed there is something higher, I will be proof of it, my brain is going to be proof.

The mri scan will be done at around january, I probably won',t be speaking or doing anything at that point, just walking and going towards that destination of the mri scan.

I will be the proof

What I will show you now is what happens almoust everyday, I'm getting marks on my body, I'm not entirely sure what exactly they are, but It happens each time I lose something, these connections are connected throughout your whole body and brain, I bassically placed a curse on myself that whatever i do wherever I go It is the wrong decision and Each day It's taking something from me..

https://imgur.com/gallery/0Hi36rP

I was never a true believer of these things, i tried to basically rewrite my brain to it's previous version, And I could not find exactly what I was searching for, I was something higher, now I believe that I have been reduced to something else, I will never be born a human again, human beings are the most powerful creatures in the universe, I still have a little bit of time, but my mind is 5% of what it used to be...

Hello friend,

I am sorry for you pain.

But these are just sleep marks.

All the love and peace to you.

(I invite any admin to delete the personal data)

I'm sorry you're hurting, and I'm sorry for what happened to you. I don't think leaving the mark you want to leave will give you peace. You will find peace in acceptance. Accept that you are no longer the same, accept what happened, and what will happen. Everything that happens is legitimate and natural, because it is simply what we are inserted into: the natural flow of things.
Don't get stuck in the interpretation you've given to the events of your life, because, without going into details, it's probably completely wrong.

You are a brother of ours and of all humanity, like everyone else, and none of us needs any proof from you. You are fine as you are.

Then, if all this is trolling, that's fine too. I would still say the same things.

Hello,

Im sorry for the difficulties you are going through. It is a bit hard to understand what is actually going on from your words.

If this is a serious post, I highly suggest you please avoid taking any psychedelic from now on, you do not seem to be in a good mind state for any such experiences. I´d avoid making all these decisions and conclusions about what has happened and what is happening regarding your consciousness, reality, life and death and so on. We humans are fallible, and while some experiences may seem to show something very clearly under the psychedelic effect or otherwise, there are many times where we are mistaken (it has happened to me already and many others here). No need to try and hurry your life path and get to the other side, I´m sure there is much more you can experience, love and learn about during this life.

Also, considering you said your mom threw away your ayahuasca, it makes me wonder if you are a minor (which we do not allow in this site). But even if you´re not, the fact that a family member is worried about you like that is very meaningful. Please avoid creating any further suffering for yourself or your loved ones.

Take your time, get well, get back to living a healthy life.

Lastly, please do not share any personally identifiable info, as per our guidelines.

Be well

if you tried 3 times to no avail. maybe your not supposed to go just yet bro. trust ive been thru hell. it gets better .. Be patient

best of luck and be kind to yourself

Be yourself, don't believe yourself.

I will just echo everyone else here and urge you to a) avoid all psychedelics going forward, and b) please do not act on any impulses to harm yourself; they are based on bad information.

I know you've had powerful experiences that you are struggling to put into context, but your conclusions are just not based in reality at all. Please believe me when I say that there is nothing inside of you controlling your thoughts. You are not cursed, and your brain is still active.

Lean on the mental health professionals whose care you are currently under, and please put some space between yourself and your ayahuasca experiences, which I don't think are serving you well.

hi my friend,i see your ability to write and doing conversations very well like others,
if you can ask and contact professionals of medicine and psychedelic use,they can give you instructions to find a good fortune life like everyone else.
be sure that you are not enlarging your problems by listening to your bad feelings.
if you are hopeless and you believe in higher existence,you can hope that you reach a better day at those higher places.
i can't judge by those pictures and videos you sent.but i can promise nothing is really bad.
its all in your head.
you know anything about philosophy?its not just for scientists,i am sure you can understand cause i already saw you talked about some complex stuff.you may be even better than me.
you this so called bad experience that people love to hear from you.it can be a great story to share.
have you ever heard of unity of existence?it doesn't really matter you are human or not.we are together.and you don't even need to think about what is coming and what is happening tomorrow.
cause all bad things always have ended after some time.think about bad experiences you had before,did you think at those days they will ever reach to an end?

I know what you mean. Everything is connected, we need science to prove it. I sent an email to the University of Leiden, consiscouness is here.- it works but I dont know how to write down the formulas.

*edit: If you tried to kill your self, you werent taught the meaning of life. Enjoy, work hard and open portals.

Hate to be cynical (who am I kidding?) but those marks look like what happens when you lie on folded fabric for twenty minutes or so, or maybe keep your arms folded for too long while wearing a shirt.

Troll detected?

My thoughts. Either troll or genuinely ill person.

perhaps... even both. nice dump in the loo. hehe

Why would you think of killing yourself?.

One day this will stop happening to people because we will develop a way to explain the knowledge contained within

This post filled me with compassion. I believe you that these thoughts are real. Most other people might think it is a singular problem and dismiss it as your problem alone and I just want you to know I understand that, and how you must feel alone.
Please consider the following therapeutic activities, I realize you might be in the hospital and worry that might make things worse not better. I learned of a few of these things from a close friend and find them to be of value.

- find a way to silence your inner chatter. The budhists call it monkey chatter and try to free their minds from it with meditation. You need to heal your mind. Stop focusing on cat scans and focus now on today and what you can do today and today only.

- Get out of the hospital. Make it a priority in your life to do the following:

a. watch the sun rise and set. Try to free your mind from conscious thought during these times. This has clinical value.

b. Sit in nature near running water. My friend said a native american proclaimed that witnessing running water for 15 minutes or greater puts your mind at the speed of nature.

c. Cardio. Most people's least favorite thing. Run. Breathe. Rest.

d. avoid all stresses that you can during your rehabilitation. I have children with autoimmune, Lyme disease. Our best doctors truly believe the human body has the ability to heal itself in far greater ways than any drug Big Pharm is handing out, you just have to eliminate the blockages that occurs from trauma in our lives.

You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Not sure why people would mock this guy or call him a troll he is clearly having issues and he never insinuated ayahuasca was the cause, maybe just a catalyst to his problems. No reason to be defensive he attacked nothing and no one.

Its like a good doctor told me about vaccines, most people are for them as the facts seem unanimous for why to have them. The people who are anti vax are generally the small percentage of people that have or know someone that has received a vaccine injury. You just don't know about problems with these things until they hit home. To dismiss this guy seems naive. If there is any message in this it is that psychedelics should be taken very seriously and it is up to the individual to inform themself of the possible conflicts, and weigh them out based on their own mental state and being.

Was there any thought behind your comment? Kids type so quick these days...

OP WAS clearly having a psychotic episode don't know why people were tip-toeing around it. Telling him to get out of the hospital or not seek medical advice is the worst thing you can do. All I am taking from the previous comments it that people were too afraid to tell him that he has a serious psychiatric problem. Unfortunately I don't think you realized that OP made the post a full 8 months ago.

Also the Ayahuasca cup was clearly the cause for all of this. We can ramble all day about vague concepts like "catalyst to his problems", which sounds like someone wanting to take the blame from the drug. The fact of the matter is - OP without the aya cup would have been a functioning human. OP with the aya cup is now in full psychosis mode with doctors coping by doing an MRI on his brain (it won't reveal anything). If my tone sounds harsh, it 's because it is. Psychedelics are not harmless, for some they will give mental illness no matter the prep or attention to the act. It's annoying when people try to passive-aggressive blame the drug user and not the drug in itself. "He had underlying issues", "maybe he had a genetic predispositions" -all of these amount to practically nothing when trying to see who will end up in the loony bin after a psychedelic was used. I know I am writing all of these on a forum designed to facilitate the taking of certain psychedelics, I am not going to pretend that at the end of the day, whatever people talk about here doesn't imply a certain danger, or that myself have not used psychedelics.

Judging by the fact that OP made only a single post ever in such a long time, I can only assume the worst for him.

I was on the same page with you about people needing to decide if they are mentally able I think you missed that. And I still stand by taking efforts into your own hands, being hooked up to machines in a hospital seems like the exact opposite of positive therapy, like you said scans will come back negative etc whats the point. Did not sound like it was helping him.

The reason I posted was becasue people were calling him a troll, that is messed up of people to judge I wish this group had offered more support. The trolls were the one sentence comments filled with judgement.

I will always blame the drug user not the drug. Its your own job to determine what you can handle its your life. Some people can drink wine and some people are on the corner begging for spare change to get a pint of liquor. I am not blaming alcohol thats for sure. If I had any mental illness in my family history and felt unstable I would think long and hard about doing any pyschedlics. Drugs will always be available if it wasn't this trip that set him off it would have been another "catalyst" eventually, drug or not. He was clearly on the edge and doing nothing to better his mental disposition before this trip. He stepped onto a rollercoaster ride with a paralyzing fear of heights and never bothered to do the research about what was about to happen thats all. Inform yourself people make good decisions and be accountable for your own lives.

Speaking as a Mod.

I understand the concern you both have.

Posts like this are tricky. If you notice carefully, I don't think anyone said for sure that they were a troll, but rather questioned whether they could be or not. This is due to having seen behavior like this in the past. Some trolls are just people desperate for some sort of attention. Often, a cry for help is met with more communication from the OP crying for help. This OP only posted the OP and then disappeared.

Could something bad have happened to them? Yes. But is that a fact? No. We don't know. And that's part of interacting on an online forum. We take each other at our word for whatever we choose to post, but that doesn't mean that everything everyone says is steeped in truth or that we should believe everything we read from each other.

So at this point we're really just entertaining speculation and conjecture.

One love

Thank you for that insight I understand now what may have been done in the past to gain attention by people, and why not to feed into them. My only intention was to leave a response that illuminated some hope, if he ever came back to his own thread. Acknowledgment goes a long way when you feel all alone in a situation. Even these crappy doctors who only know how to prescribe their poisons acknowledge hope as having value. Mental health is an issue I feel strongly about and it will always have my unconditional support. Nothing is easy in this life, its one day at a time for any battle that seems overwhelming you cannot do any more than that.
If I knew this guy I would be inclined to help him whether he was a troll or not, whether it was the ayahuasca that caused this or not would not matter to me. We have to support each other always. My strongest point of hope was that if you believe in all these things our bodies are able to do, places we have gone on these drugs etc, then you have to have the believe that our body knows how to heal itself better than you would think, you just have to give it the chance.