Hello everyone, first post here, but I wanted to share some of my recent experiences.

A bit of background, I've been doing LSD or shrooms 2 - 3 times a month for the past six months, and MDMA about once a month for the past few months. I started taking psychedelics last December as a way to deal with depression and what appeared to be increasingly negative life circumstances. In the early 2000's I did shrooms and MDMA several dozen times each over about a four year peroid (College), and a single LSD experience at 300ug.

Currently I take approximately 7.5mg of Lexapro a day. (For the sake of this discussion let us please avoid the "you shouldn't be doing psychs if you need an SSRI" and the such. Perhaps, but I'm going to anyways, so let's work with what we've got) This certainly inhibits the psychedelic experience, but I have found ways to work around it. Lexapro has a half life of just over a day, when I decide or know I'm going to trip on a certain day, I will take two days off the SSRI, which gives about 75% clearance of the drug from my system before taking the psychedelics. This frees up some of my 5-HT receptors, but doesn't reverse the neurological changes that longer term SSRI use creates.

We'll take a recent trip as an example. The LSD is correctly dosed at 125ug, and tested pure. My typical go-to dose is 4 tabs, or about 500ug, I find this to give a very positive experience with great headspace, visuals, empathy, and tolerable anxiety. I find this 500ug dose to be similar, but slightly weaker, to the one 300ug experience I had in the past when not taking SSRI's. MDMA I usually dose at 200mg, while this is on the high end, it is less active due to the presence of an SSRI, which also has some neuroprotective attributes to it. I never re-dose MDMA. Last time I ate Shrooms after two days off of the SSRI I took 7 grams dried, and it was underwhelming to say the least, equivalent to what I used to get from 2.5 dried grams.

Recently I have taken interest in the world of DMT. I acquired up a 500ml vape cart with allegedly 500mg N,N-DMT in it and a cheap pen and took a small pull, enough to know that there's "something" there, but that's about all. The next day I skipped the SSRI, took several large pulls, and got extremely high, but no breakthrough. This is about the time when the thoughts of "You've really gone and done it this time man, you're gonna die for sure" kicked in. An hour later I went to the gym for my normal workout. The next day I skipped the SSRI and tried again, had a better experience, no breakthrough, but didn't feel like I was dying either. I tried once more with the vape cart after about three days off SSRI's, and had a better experience, no breakthrough, but that was the end of the cartridge. So either I was taking in 150mg+ on each attempt, or it was not dosed correctly.

Fast forward to last night, about 30 hours off SSRI's, I got vial that was suppose to contain 1g N,N-DMT in vape juice for a total volume of 1.7ml. I have a proper Mod from vaping, got a new small tank, and a .7 ohm coil, put in some fluid, and took a long, deep pull. I then took another half pull (yeah I pussed out, should have been a full pull) and liftoff! It was profound, while I didn't meet any entities, the overall experience felt like the data of the universe was being downloaded into my head. This was way, way past the small experiences I had with the vape cart, this is amazing. After the peak I just laughed for several minutes then related my experiece to my Wife.

She's been curious about the spice, and having seen me do it several times in the preceding week, coupled with the bliss I just experienced, decided to give it a go. I told her, two, long deep drags from the vape, that it's worse if you don't breakthrough. Well, she did it, her first time, she had a full breakthrough experience. Said she remembers waking up on her belly in a populated field (she was on her back in bed) with creatures that were there to take care of her. She said she'd open her eyes briefly, realize she was still in a safe place, close them again, and the creatures would cheer that she had returned and figured out how to come and go. Later that day, while she was describing this, she got teary because of how moving the experience was for her.

While my experience was profound, it did not match hers. We decided I should give it another go. I put more juice into the tank. . . And I think this is where it all went wrong. . . I waited a minute, sat on the bed and took a fat rip, held it, let it out, and started taking another. Damn it, I taste burning filter, oh shit the DMT is kicking in, there's no turning back, I can't put more juice in, hit it again, more burning filter taste with the DMT, the though of how much money might be being wasted flashed through my mind, and then I was gone. My headspace got fucked hard just before liftoff. I started shivering violently, and that "I'm gonna die" feeling came back. I called for my Wife, who put a blanket on my and held me while it passed. Perhaps it was just not letting go, perhaps it was way too much, or not enough, or an SSRI interaction, or the DMT Gods saying "It's not your time again yet", I don't know. Since then I've been trying to find something positive in it, and not let it diminish the beauty of my earlier trip. The contrast between the two experiences, like Heaven vs PTSD.

So, assuming the vial was correctly dosed, we went through 400mg DMT in three experiences last night, which is way more than needed, but I'm also trying to push through an SSRI. I understand it's likely stupid to use a higher dose to overwhelm an SSRI, I'm simply here to report my experiences, and see if others have had similar experiences. Next time I think I'll procure pure N,N-DMT instead of premixed juice so that I can more accurately adjust and monitor how much I'm taking in at a time.

For now, I have half a vial left, and am back on the SSRI today, which essentially eliminates the option of trying again.

Thanks for reading and helping a traveler sort out their experiences.