i have discovered i am a shaman reborn and this is what the love you put out into the universe and my creation has birthed, i thank you eternally my mother for without your love and sacrifices i would not be here today. you can feel true pride to know through me and mine your love will reverberate through the ages. i have always known that helping people comes naturally to me and helping people discover the TRUTH is my calling. i just didnt realize how right i was! now i know this may sound psychotic but i dont mind the stigma of psychosis, because that is a term used by either the weak that can not or do not want to handle the truth or the ignorant (yes i mean mental health care "professionals" that are so deeply vested in the pharmaceutical companies) but rest assured.. im quite sound of mind. in fact i am finally living life the way we are MEANT to. each day i feel blessed to be alive each breath i take and moment i am here i cherish for the divine gift which it is! every day is better then the last i dont let things get to me fore i know everything will be okay, and i believe that WHOLEHEARTEDLY! that is the key to happiness.. what you put out to the universe is what you get back, we are the masters of our reality. i have been shown my future and a bright one it is indeed, i am going to write books that will change the way people think.. helping them along their path to awakening. i see a new age on the rise people will finally be able to live in peace and harmony.. Utopian dream i know BUT if i believe it it CAN happen for it already exists in my mind. i have seen it! now i know what you may be thinking oh hes just tripping and while that very well may tripping is merely the vehicle understanding is the destination.. i will talk with you as much as you like on the subject matter like i said i am gonna write books. this information is not all merely imagination.. i have found the SOURCE.. where all the myths stories and fantasies are born! where artists gain inspiration.. where dreamers dream and thinkers think. a realm of all supreme knowledge and inspiration. there are many ways to say it its where we come from and where we go when we sleep and die before being reborn.. its whats behind everything.. its the deeper truth.. i know you may not of heard anyone ever talk like this but as you know i am different i am a red cosmic dragon and you created me! you can truly feel proud

the keys to enlightenment are as follows
-oral DMT "dimethyltryptamine" (organic neurotransmitter found in the human brain as well as hundreds if not thousands of plant and animal species) used in conjunction with an admixture of harmalas (organic beta-carboline short acting reversible maoi that affects the mao-a enzymes and prevents premature breakdown of the DMT molecules)

-oral mescaline "trimethoxyphenthylamine"


"when the doors of perception are cleansed everything will appear as it truly is infinite." -William Blake

in time i want to / will move back to California and reunite with my true love
she knows she wants it but shes not ready to accept it..yet
she doesnt want to hurt the boyfriend shes with now either but even she has said hes great hes just not me..

i am not even exaggerating when i say i can see the future.. i have seen the house i will have.. i have seen you there with me.. and her .. and we are living happily in peace

We are god!
all of our human consciousness together is an unimaginable force which created everything

yes there are no coincidences everything happens for a reason

my generation is when things will finally change
fear is what brings about bad things in our lives.. i have let go of fear COMPLETELY! not to say i go 150mph on the freeway with my eyes closed i still have common sense.. but i KNOW ill always be okay and no harm will come to me.. and by thinking that way it becomes so! we are the masters of our reality as we are the consciousness from which its MANIFESTED! i have a film for you to watch that talks about this.. tho i found the knowledge before i watched it.. its called the secret.. (get skype if you dont already have it and ill send you the movie on there) the film came to me at an interesting time.. a month and a half ago i was going through a series of experiences accumulating to a life altering surreal spiritual awakening which is still continuing and expanding to this day.. every day surpasses the last i appreciate everything around me and every breath i take.. every second i am blessed with.. i have unyielding optimism because i KNOW that i will be successful and happy.. anyway heh (i get sidetracked) at that time about 45 days ago i was taking mescaline for a few days and my energy was changing it was cleansing me.. at the time i was 1 month clean from opiates.. my opiate addiction started after i had my tonsils out when i ran out of the 28oz lortab and 16oz merperdine i started buying/getting/trading for hydrocodens... then oxycodone... then opium.. then morphine wafers.. and anything else i could get my hands on eventually i started using nearly pure imported afghan diacetylmorphine hcl (snorting because ill never stick a needle in me, as if thats better) it took about 3 weeks and 2 grams till i was using it everyday multiple times a day while taking amphetamine isomers mixed with dextroamphetamine just to stay balanced... i of course suddenly realized i was killing myself quite efficiently! at that moment i realized i didnt want to die and i decided then to stop using completely.. i stopped cold turkey with sheer willpower.. within 4 hours i was sicker then iv ever been in my life 8 hours i could barely move from the crushing pain... i slept when i could the next week straight was the same crushing pain i stayed in the shower as much as i could and asleep when i could.. the first 2 weeks i had bad insomnia and anxiety.. i had never wanted to use so much in my life but i knew if i just stuck it through id get better... and slowly but surly i started healing... after a month clean i catalyzed this growth/healing with mescaline... i got cactus flesh and brewed it for days it unlocked my sinuses and let them flow the healing steam healed my sinuses and lungs.. i have never coughed up so much junk.. mescaline opened up my mind.. it dissolved all the misconceptions about life.. i realized how much i had to love about myself.. in finding love for myself i learned to love everything around me.. i had never felt so positive and hopeful in my life.. i knew then what i wanted.. i thought about allison all the time in my days and nights.. and i just kept picturing myself being with her.. then out of the blue one day i was peaking really strong on mescaline feeling happier then i ever have in my life listening to one of our songs and my phone vibrates and its her! telling me to watch this movie... i watch and am blown away at the synchronicity of the situation as the movie explains everything i had come to believe in at the time and the ideas i was using to feel better... the video preaches that what you expect from the universe is what you get! and all the positive thinking i was doing about allison PULLED her into my life.. we talked about that and she was amazed, said she was studying metaphysics.. shes always been open to this stuff.. she was amazed at how positive i was and said she could feel my energy 3000miles away! said that she sensed my presence!!..... she told me that she missed me still and dreams of us living together in a cabin in the woods (yes i had been having the same dreams).. but she was torn because she loved the guy she was with and he was good to her "but he just isnt you".. and that she couldnt believe i still had such love for her after 2 years and all we had been through.. i told her of course my love was boundless and endless transcending time and space thats why she could still feel it so far away... we talked alot about our future back and forth in text she seemed excited... but then about 5 days ago i was pushing too hard i guess... profusely proclaiming my love and need of her.. she said it scared her and that she wanted to be with her boyfriend and we should stop talking :\... but i know her boyfriends just making her say those things.. i know how she really feels and that ill have her in time.. because i know these things they are fact! and it shall be.. so i am respecting her wishes and giving her space... meanwhile im planning my life and how i can reach happiness.. i want to go to college and get a well rounded formal education... i want to study organic chemistry.. and i want to write books that will help people and show people the intricate yet simple beauty of life.. and i want to live prosperously in peace and harmony with all of my family in California.. i want to grow and work with entheogens.. i want to have a vast garden.. i want to guide and heal people.. be there to support them... its what i was born for.. i have soo much love to give this world and the more i do the better it gets.. every day surpasses the last... i have gotten better at dealing with my emotions.. and hard emotional times.. 3 days ago i found out my best friend was dead.. i don't know yet how it happened but it was under very mysterious circumstances.. the how and why are not very prominent the simple fact is hes gone i was completely crushed the whole day.. i hadn't cried that much in over a year.. but.. i kept calm and considered how much i cared about him.. and that in me he will always stay.. and as horrible it was that i lost him i quickly came to peace with it.. i smoked a spliff of Peruvian tobacco called mapacho and communed with his spirit.. i told the universe i missed him and that he was too young that he wasn't meant to go yet.. and i heard his voice come to me clear as day like he was standing right in front of me he said eyy its okay man its better this way... i then asked if he was okay if he was in peace and he said yea man you should really try it.. (aren't spirits funny ) i told him that he was a good friend and i cared a lot about him and that id truly miss him and i heard i know man thanks... that was all and i am at peace with it.. he was a great friend and we had a lot of fun amazing times together.. but nothing is lost i have the memories and together we are still in them.. his spirit will always be with me and his death is not in vain.. it was yet another reminder of how important it is to GO and live!... i know now what is important and how i will achieve it.. i am going to sign up to start college for the spring i can go a semester or two here.. then we can move out there.. i am not sure how we will get the money too but we WILL don't focus on the how focus on the fact that we WILL and the way will find us.. today was the begging of a period of time known in the Mayan calendar as galactic activation portal days.. its a time of intense energy and change.. also we have a new moon.. things are going to finally start changing for the better.. we have reached a turning point and happiness awaits us... "follow your bliss and the universe will open doors for you where you thought there were only walls." i have so much hope and pleasant excitement for the future because i know how good it will be! i love you mom and rest assured that you needn't worry any more.. i thank you always for this wonderful life you brought me into

ps - im not crazy

Daily Horoscope: December 16, 2009
You can't help but feel great about all the sweetness that surrounds you -- like you're in a painting or a ballet! Your amazing energy is perfect for absorbing the small details of life and keeping them all together.

* Mood: Loved


i wont forget ;] i see the world through a clear mind finally..

I'd be very seriously worried about the mental well-being of my child if I ever received a letter like that from him/her.

In all seriousness, it sounds that (need for paragraphs aside) you were coming down from a trip (or a brainstorm/emotionstorm) and had to write these thought down somewhere. They are honest thoughts and pretty much understood by the members of this community.

I hope you feel much much better after sharing your thoughts here. I'd think twice or thrice before sending a letter like this to my mother however.

you dont know my mother
and to be honest i feel slightly insulted..
its okay i still love you

Sleep on it dude. It's all a bit frantic, unfocused and erratic. I too would be somewhat concerned to receive such a letter from someone, let alone my son.

As useful as sites like this are, there is an inherent danger for those who are susceptible to the rather unfounded and extreme ideas of others. Basically, I think there is a smarter way of going about what you are suggesting. I have seen several threads about starting a revolution, changing the world or 2012 and the end of humanity and I think that your post could easily be misconstrued as a drug fueled lunatic raving worthy of the same category.

I can only assume that you have posted your intent on t'interwebs because you seek our approval or would like some feedback. If not, then I don't think it's not the best place for it.

Take it easy dude, tune in, turn on, but don't drop out or blow a fuse. Stay quiet, stealthy, healthy and peaceful. Good luck.

um no i dont need your approval
and no i dont need to sleep on it.. the message was sent and yes ill rub your face in the reply.. its okay you want to downplay my breakthroughs but keep it to yourself.. i dont need your negative waves.. thank you anyhow peace

Well, of course I do not know your mother, that's why I said I'd be very seriously worried.... Parents worry about the wellbeing of their children in a way that children cannot easily understand.

But not as parent but as a friend, I find this letter not seriously worrying but definitely worrying. A random person not familiar with psychedelics would think of you as severely delusioned. This I write with no offence meant at all, besides the nexus is a place where people meet hyperspace aliens and travel to other dimensions!

I suppose you're right unless you think you're not.
Do as you please, but look at yourself with no bias.

peace.

and those are just replies to half of what i said she hasnt read the other half yet
but ill be sure to let you know her views on that too

hows your foot taste?

i posted this story to let people share in my bliss i am on the top of the world right now everything is finally getting better its taken 22 years to get to this point and i feel BLESSED i thought this may inspire others.. take from it what you will but please dont hate

this post is meaningless id appreciate if you dont clutter my intellectual thread with this kinda stuff thank you

Translation: look towards yourself and you will find truth and understanding. dont interpret yourself with pre-conceptions and socially programmed influences.

It would appear that im supporting you. you clutter your own thread, your own mind and your own life with retorical nonsense. all im doing is advising you. positivity never goes one way, remember that. use it dont abuse it.

That's cool if you feel blessed, and beautiful beyond description. I really really really wish you to keep on this feeling for the rest of your days. Mind you, however, sometimes the cold dark cruel world always lurks somewhere ready to overshadow you.

That is to say I wish your enlightenment to be not like an mdma trip where you are the king of the world and it is for the purest eternity, then 5 hours later you're stuck on your bed unable to sleep and everything around you sucks.

luckily my bliss is not so shallow

i am TRULY BLESSED

I MADE IT

thank you for your faith

Well, only time will show you how truly blessed you are and whether your bliss is shallow or not.

psy- i choose to believe. i believe you HAVE broken through to the next level.....i am quite sure there will be a few more levels to break through on your path, but for now you have taken off an extra layer of the onion and i feel that the world is a better place for it.

p.s. your mom is cool beyond words.....can you see if she'd be interested at all in adopting a handsome 39 year-old man?

....and LET ME KNOW when you move back out to cali brother!!

LOVE AND GRATITUDE!!

why thank you antrocles its nice to see the LOVE i was looking to share




Czepa what you say makes no sense i have found truth and understanding thats the whole point.. im not interpreting myself with preconceptions or socially programmed influences...did you even read what i wrote?! its like your giving me advice on something i am already doing. nothing i said was rhetorical it was stated fact... and what in the world does it mean that positivity never goes one way did i say that and how am i abusing positivity i had no idea that was even possible.. please just stop




well gee thanks for your vote of confidence.. friend?

Friends come in all sorts of favours you see. But the intention is the well-being of the other whether the approach is some cautious advice or a full-hearted support. You posted your letter here and you were bound to get both sides I guess.

Hey Psy, personally I thought your post was insightful on so many levels. It might be hard for some people to understand what you've been through and the epiphany that has presented itself. You have shared a very personal experience that has obviously had a profound effect on you and your outlook on life and your relationships. This could indeed be the start of a great new chapter in your journey through life and spiritualism. Thank you for sharing your experiences with us.

wow. psy it looks like a lot has been going on. I haven't been around much but i've been thinking of all of the nexus crew a lot. I really felt your pain on Monday when I had heard about HD. I had been up all night on the cleanest liquid I have ever done and I was coming down at school. I was about to take an exam. LOL. I called mattimus and he told me the news. I haven't had a chance to talk to you since, but I am glad that you have found enlightenment through the experience.

I believe that things are going to get better for all of us that choose the right path. Everything seems to be fitting into place for me also. I was very unhappy for the past three years and then I lost my job a couple months ago. At first I was filled with anxiety as I have bills to pay as does everyone else. I decided it is best to keep a positive attitude and now I see things fitting together perfectly. Every day things are getting better for me and I am finding myself happier and happier. I have not even been using any medicines and things are just working out.

As to the letter to your mom. I think it is a great idea. Yes "MOST" parents out there would be worried about a letter like that, but really they shouldn't. Obviously this letter is straight from the heart and if your mother wants to be in your life she needs to accept you for who you are. I used to hide these things from my parents, but now I am completely open with my drug use to my whole family. There is nothing to hide because I am not doing anything wrong and neither are you.

Good job kicking those opiates man. I've been sending lots of love your way cause I could tell you need it. Peace

Good you are in a very positive and ambitious mood indeed. But won't there be further balancing of your ever deepening understanding? Things, situations and ideas will always be growing therefore changing don’t you think?