One time I met this girl on a date. She takes a little heart container from the coat of her pocket, pops it open, and voila: two benzos.
"You want one?"
Man...I've never been one to turn down free drugs.
Later I would remark as we were walking down these beautiful little argentinian streets "These are really doing nothing for me. I mean, maybe I feel a tinge of something...but I don't know."
My drug use was pretty dope at 17. I always had a supply of cheap whiskey, brick weed, and cigarrettes. I probably didnt eat to afford these as I just went to school and did not work. But I smoked a pack a day and smoked 2 joints a day. I got really good at it. But I really liked getting drunk and smoking a pack while writing short stories and novellas...even at 7am once I had finished school. I suspect at times I couldnt find sources of weed so I just used alcohol instead...and cigarretes of course cause it was sort of like weed--Ha, right!


The benzos caught my attention later when I saw them in my grandma's bathroom mirror cabinet.
What the hell, lets see what all the fuss is about
Probably within 2 weeks I might had snatched six. She had a lot. Probably months prescriptions. I had to snatch a lot because I really was not seeing what all the fuss was about. I mean to get off on this stuff I needed at least two in a row and to smoke a joint. These were 2mg Clonazepam. I could feel the depressant effect, but it really wasn't doing it for me. Yet I still felt the urge.

Perhaps an year progressed with small snatchings...once every sunday when we had dinners and only if she had a lot and it wouldnt be blatantly obvious. I must have been deluded cause my grandma was not senile or anything she probably kept tabs of things like that...she must have probably thought my grandpa was stealing them and they would fight over it...I can see that.

One Summer we rented our house to make some extra money so my mom, my brother, and I went to live at my grandparents for the season. Also it wasnt only for the money as mom wanted to take care of grandma who had had a very harsh ciurjery on her spine and was very fragile.

Jack Pot! Benzo paradise. Probably stole a couple until one day I was laying in bed and felt it! Withdrawal! My brain suffering and my mind's eye seeing that stupid purple box. I didn't even like them! This was insane. They were too adictive. I couldnt keep stealing these! It would never end. I dont know when it was but I took a decision to never take benzos again. I then quit alcohol 3 years later and have not touched it for 2 years now.
Later investigations made me confident in my decision to never take opium (chinas opium crisis, kurt cobain, jimi hendrix, singer of sublime, etc, and more recently addiction reports.) Very young I made the decision to staw away from cocaine and god helped me because I feel I could never snort something! I already have a fragile nose from boxing anyway.

Now a days I am glad I can do shrooms and smoke dmt (especially changa) and prepare for an ayahuasca trip. I really think I will never get into any other drugs again. I already am quite unhappy that I smoke cigarrettes. I love weed, but use too much, but still have a great relationship with it because after so many shroom and dmt trips weed becomes a great tool for meditation and for hallucinating in bed, as well as hightening music. But music is essential in dmt trips and shroom trips too.
That was my short benzo story! I still remember the withdrawal and I am scared for life of those pills.


💕 Thank you for reading 💕

Benzos are popular because it is just so much easier to let yourself descent, than it is to climb upwards. It is realy that simple imo.

Yeah never got the pull to benzos. Did them around a handful of times when I was 18/19, but that was it. Smoked cannabis with them which certainly felt nice, though benzos always had left me with this blank dialogue in my mind, like flatlined thought & emotion. The last time I'd taken them I'd taken a little too much (being young and naive) I don't remember most of the night. Essentially a complete experience/memory wipe for a number of hours, later coming to in my bed sleeping. Where'd that night go? Literally hours of experience gone instantly. After that experience and realizing these weren't for me, that was it. Scared the crap out've me tbh.

Good thing you're staying away from them.

Once upon a time I had a prescription for 90 1 mg alprazolam (xanax) and 30 1 mg clonazepam (klonopin) per month. 4 mg a day. Ongoing, every month. The withdrawal is horrible, similar to alcohol withdrawal in my experience. My clinic has a no benzo policy, even if by prescription by doctor. Almost every serious overdose I've experienced has resulted from combining some sort of benzo with a hit of heroin. This is a very easy way to die. I much prefer an indica based cannabis oil instead of benzodiazepines. For me and my life it is the better medicine, although it took me a while to get there.

You guys have said really cool stuff! Thnx!=)

I binged as a kid, 19,, 20 years old. It was just another drug to take and they were cheap. The depressant effects were right up my alley and I had no idea about their addictive qualities. Luckily I avoided any sort of dependency but certainly did not void the compulsive redosing.

I remember once “coming to” at a friends house. Mark said “Lover, you alright?” I said “yah... why?”
“You’ve been pretty out of it.” Mark said.
“Just very stoned. Haha”
“No, like for a few days.” Mark clarified.

I had a big old blank in my memory. Went to work, did my things, but a total blank.

I haven’t done them much since then. When I got a vasectomy, they gave me some.

Sedatives/hypnotics/anxiolytics are the most insidious of the lot.
They slowly take hold of you without you knowing.
My experience was with methaqualone. Never daily use, but I could see where it was heading.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts guys! I'm glad the idea got through: insidious is exactly what these drugs are. "They slowly take hold of you without you knowing" is a perfect way of putting it. And thanks for sharing the fact of the apparent short lapse of amnesia with these drugs as I did not know that was a thing, but thinking back on my use can totally see why that would happen. Talk about a meaningless high...

Those guys are definitely a weird beast, they just creep right up on you. Thanks for writing that up. Real glad you kicked those. I was taking anti depressants for increased appetite earlier this year and after I realized they didn't mix well with me I stopped taking them and those withdrawals were super unfun.

I also remember when I had an incident with Vicodin one summer when I was 20. I had gotten my wisdom teeth taken out and the doctor told me I shouldn't need the Vicodin for more than a day, but the prescription was enough for a week. For some reason that I have never been able to grasp I just kept taking them, once every 6 hours for six days straight before my mom realized I had been taking them and got rid of them. When I woke up that morning and went downstairs to grab one they were just gone. I didn't even care, and was like oh whatever and just went on with the next part of my morning. Then I started to feel physically and mentally horribly, went to take a shower and just laid down in the tub. I had no idea that Vicodin was even an opiate or addictive back then. I didn't even know that the reason I felt awful was due to withdrawals. Those next two days were pure hell. But for the last 4 days I was taking them I don't really remember feeling high. I can't imagine what heroin withdrawals are like.