This is 4g of Syrian rue tea, 10min later 35g of ACRB tea, followed by chewing on 8 datura stramonium seeds.

I’m trying to put this Ayahuasca experience into words. You have to be very mentally prepared, this is extremely confrontational, it is a mental challenge. I know others have explored her (later I’ll explain why I use the term her) much more deeply and I can only fathom the knowledge and wisdom of traditional Shamans. I write this with utmost respect and regard.

I would like to reiterate the experience is as far from recreational as can exist, it is an integration with nature, connecting deeply with the universe, experiencing deep self-knowledge, exploring the ontological reality of existence. At some points it was extremely satisfying in a self-reflecting way, because you figure things out, so you’re like ‘ah huh, I get it’, you burst into laughter at your naïveté, it’s so obvious. Other times I was in tears, not in sadness, it was more of a release of mental blockages. I don’t want to say the experience was fun, it was, what’s the word...gratifying. At the same time I can see this being terrifying if you don’t understand the delicate balance between energy you have to find. You have to let go of all your delusional beliefs and ideologues, forget what your parents, the Church, and authority has taught you, otherwise you won’t survive. I know a lot of ignorant individuals who have been broken by the experience, at the same time many individuals who have greatly benefited. The individuals who will have a very tough time in this journey are those who are greedy, selfish, narcissistic, abusive, materialistic, and/or have unshakable monotheistic beliefs. You need to be ready, a true mental maturity. I will try explain the experience and what to expect, at the same time it is important to go in the experience without any predetermined expectations. If you have prejudices be prepared to have them shattered and see the world in a new light. You experience a universal unconditional love of others and yourself, if you understand what’s happening. You have to discard the manmade egotistical delusions of bad and good, virtuous and evil, right and wrong, there is masculine and feminine, ignorance and wisdom, order and chaos. I cannot stress enough, if you want to ‘see things’ this is most definitely not for you, take LSD or Psilocybe mushrooms, she does reveal visions, hallucinations, and other spiritual realms, but this is just an insignificant side effect of the experience, it is not the purpose, you need a healthy intention and great respect.

I prepared throughout the week, fasted, and did all my pre-ceremonial rituals. I was as prepared as possible physically, psychologically, and spiritually.

As the experience started I felt intense euphoria, objects around me were shimmering and shaking in preparation to take off. I had a pocadot patterned pillow. The pocadots were moving around in circles and ‘took off’. I purged very violently. Instantly following the purge I blasted away, and started seeing shapes, geometry, and fractals. Even though I blasted off I felt like I didn’t move. Hard feeling to explain, more like a transcendence rather then traveling or projecting.

When I transcended what I was seeing stopped being visualised, it was still there in mental flashes, but at the same time not founded in reality. She was telling me telepathically (or maybe it was my own projection), that I was well truly beyond physical hallucinations, they would only serve to distract me. Instead I was fully aware and awake, it was as if other spiritual realms were overlaid over reality.

Before I delve into what I was seeing, I have to discuss this energy balance. I would loop through, purging, looking at the emesis, seeing very detailed fractals and patterns in it, trying to comprehend the fractals, realised I was sick, worried I took too much, looked at the clock, tried to deduce the time (but there were multiple hands, it was very difficult, I couldn’t do it the first few loops), I analysed the whole situation biochemically, assured myself I was fine, thought ‘I wanted to experience this, this is part of the journey’, said to myself ‘I am ready, bring it on’. Then the most incredible thing happened to me, I had to find this delicate balance between needs and wants, desire and discipline, happiness and depression, anxiety and mania, pragmatic and dogmatic beliefs (of both myself and others), the needs of others and myself, altruism and self-indulgence, selflessness and selfishness, individuality and collective consciousness, the energy in nature and the universe. I can describe the entire experience as brinking on the edge of totalitarianism and nihilism. I felt total insanity but at the same time total cognitive coherence, I was fully in control. I kept having visions of the Greek Titan Atlas, who in Greek Mythology was punished by Zeus to balance the Heavens on his shoulders (represented by a globe) as redemption for leading the Titanomachy (the Titans into war) against the Olympus Gods for control of the Heavens. Also, very vivid visions of my intentions being weighed on the Scales Of Truth, the feather of Ma’at, the Ancient Egyptian Goddess of truth. When I found this balance I burst into laughter, saying, ‘I’m such a fool it was so easy all along’. Then I would purge again, burst into tears, the entire loop would start again. Each loop would get easier to navigate through until I truely found this balance and it was permanent. No longer a calculation. I purged a total of 10-16 times, each purge as violent as the last one. Though the second half of the purges produced no emesis, rather a thick white foam that combusted into very detailed geometric fractals when it hit my purge bowl. The last few purges were void of anything, it was just the action and sound. When I found this balance I can only relate it with spiritual teaching systems I’m familiar with and have studied; Buddhism and Alchemy. In Buddhism this is called walking the middle-path. In Alchemy this is Coagulation, finding the balance between masculine and feminine energy as androgyny.

With each purge came a sense of mental clarity, more easy to find the balance, and more exposure to other spiritual realms. Around my reality was an overlay of this flickering and glitching control room. With alien-like beings minding their own business, some facing away from me working, some looked like they were analysing and doing observations on me. Nothing invasive though. I felt like an experiment. It felt like I was one of them, that this reality is some kind of initiation, when you reach enlightenment, or ascension, or Gold, or whatever the spiritual discipline calls it. I feel like They will remove the goggles, shake your hand, congratulate you, laugh at you, and say ‘it took you long enough’. This overlay was feint, I only saw glimpses here and there, at the same time it felt so familiar, I just couldn’t put my thumb on it.

Throughout the purging a strong feminine energy was teasing me with her presence, hence referring to Ayahuasca as a her. She would sporadically appear here and there, but nowhere, never long enough for me to get a good look. I knew that I had to find the balance before she would engage with me (I don’t know how I knew, I just knew it as intrinsic Truth). When I found the balance I started coming down, about 3 hours. There was no negative comedown, just a lot of information to process, comprehend, and integrate. She’s longing and calling for me to explore her further.

Thanks for this report.

A good read and I agree with you until you state ‘I cannot stress enough, if you want to ‘see things’ this is most definitely not for you, take LSD or Psilocybe mushrooms, she does reveal visions, hallucinations, and other spiritual realms, but this is just an insignificant side effect of the experience, it is not the purpose, you need a healthy intention and great respect’.

This sounds a bit pedantic to me. I see the visuals as the nucleus of the journey and with them the insights are given. The visuals literally are the the visualization of the lesson. Both need each other. None of them is inferior.

For the rest I like your writings .

35g bark is massive, no wonder the purging was profound.

I think for visions, this might differ for people, for me I'm poor on the visuals and poor on entities, sometimes I wonder what people encounter. It's not that I see nothing but it never engulfs me as what I read from others, I count it down on personal properties, the wiring perhaps? Yet I do feel involved on a very intense base, utterly. Sometimes I envie visual reports from others but then again I'm not sure. I am sure that it's okay as it is.

Perhaps, but maybe the converse isn't true. Self-delusion can be strange.

You may be right. I know someone who is all of the above. They did Ayahuasca in Peru. When they saw what they were doing and how they were, they hung themselves two weeks later. Individuals need guidance processing and integrating the experience. Remember I didn’t say they shouldn’t do it, I said they will have a tough time.

I agree with you wholeheartedly. I didn’t say they don’t complete each other, I say you do trip. I say, if the purpose you are doing it is just to trip, then you should take LSD. She is much more profound then just hallucinations.

I’ve previously taken only moderate doses and have had nothing like this. I have 50g Chacruna ready for my next journey. I am just mentally preparing. Do you possibly think you aren’t taking enough?

There's a thread touching on high ACRB doses here from years ago (with Jees apparently): https://www.dmt-nexus.me/forum/default.aspx?g=posts&t=61596

Unless you know the concentration in your bark and use an efficient brewing process it might be unwise to suggest that 35g of ACRB is necessary for a strong experience. There are obviously other variables also. 'The Essential Guide to DMT' linked in that thread notes sometimes >30g doses of ACRB are used due to low DMT concentrations in the bark... I would expect tea made from 30 grams of root bark will cause more purging regardless of potency.

I've never taken a MHRB dosage that comes close to comparing to yours (only a strong dose, not 'heroic' ), yet your experience seems somewhat relatable to me (in my opinion).

Yes, alkaloid content varies significantly between specimens. I was stating maybe they aren’t dosing enough. Not suggesting 35g. And I froze and thawed three times (I learnt three times for bacteria cell walls when I worked in a microbiology lab), did 3x acid boiling for 2h each. Then an overnight acid CWE. Combined pulls, reduced, cooked egg whites in it, removed egg whites, reduced further.

Egg white tannin removal reduces potency, 10 to 12 grams of Acacia should be a pretty good dose imo, 8 grams has even been quite strong on occasion. 35 grams is just too much unless you have weak bark or aren't properly activating it/have enough MAO-A inhibited.

Can you explain the chemistry behind this? 10g was insufficient for what I was looking for, equivalent to 3-4g of cubes in potency. Does that gauge it better?

If the materials are standard potent, then 10gr acrb potentially rock your boat.

There's a difference between bodily absorbed dose and potential dose present in the grams of material, many things can come in between. If you find yourself normally sensitive to vaped doses, then you are not lacking personal sensitivity. The first purge for example can rid a lot of dose. Then there was the egg white trick too.

Also a thought goes out to the quality of the rue tea, maoi level is important as mentioned.

Agreed, I did allot of experimentation years ago with brewing, and tried all the tannin removed methods. Always ended up with very weak brew. Then i said fuck it, and the only thing i did was filtering the reduced brew. After 3 x 4 hour boils with freezing in between. Reduced and shake up the sediment before drinking.(Shredded bark) 3-4 grams blew my socks off, and even made me purge (I almost never purge on aya). This was using the same bark that got weak after tannin removal. One girl was immobile for hours on end after a small cup of this stuff. Made me promise to never give her that much again. She was an experienced traveler.

For me at least, when you get up to really high doses of Aya it gets counterproductive. I once drank so much I was immobile and in deep state for many hours. At the peak it felt like neurotransmitter overload. It was an overdose! I do remember it was amazingly blissful and euphoric at some point, but the thing is; That's all i remember! I was too far gone to have any sort of benefit from it. Once it slowed down a bit, i was too tired to do any real work. The only thing I can say was beneficial after, was the afterglow. (after the headache passed)

For me, the most therapeutic place for Ayahuasca is that middle ground, and its after the visual peak that the real healing can happen. (I do enjoy the peak though) That said, there is something to be said for going an really deep explorations, but that's more cosmic exploration that healing.

If the bark is good with my cooking method, I wouldn't dare to take 10g. That would be close to overdose for me with good ACBR. With Mimosa I can go deep on 2-3 gram.

In my mind at least, 35g of ACBR is an insane amount.