Dear all,

I don't know if I am writing in the correct category, but I really just want to talk, and don't know anyone personally who I can share my experience with. I apologize in advance for any lack of etiquette or having posted in the wrong place.

I have a lot of mental issues (paranoia, hypochondria, severe social anxiety, culminating in what some might call depression) much of which I believe is self induced (I consider myself a very smart person who overthinks himself into a vicious circle all the time). I took part in an ayahuasca ceremony 2 years ago. The day after, I cried 8 hours straight, and it really took me a few months to reconnect with reality. I was so lost, but I believe now that this is because I have severe trust issues and despite tripping lots, I have almost exclusively bad trips because I am still too young and childish to really let go and trust where the plant is taking me. So, despite this experience, the promise that DMT showed me has led me back to trying it again, in hope that my problem was that I simply refused to trust the plant, and not that I am predisposed to schizophrenia or a genuine psychosis.


I recently procured some spice. After experimenting quite a bit a decided to use an oil pipe (meth pipe). My first breakthrough I had at the peak of an LSD trip with one big hit. I had an extremely overwhelming and beautiful trip where I really died and was reborn, prompting me, despite being hugely overwhelmed, to do it a second time. Again, amazing.

QUESTION 1. Last night I tried smoking it sober (three hit method). After my first hit, all the DMT (powder, yellow), had turned into a liquid. I tried relighting (over a candle) for the second hit, and I inhaled a hit that was clearly burnt. My question is, how to you get the three hits? should I add fresh DMT to the pipe between hits for best results? Or can the liquid at the bottom be smoked under low heat?

QUESTION 2. My trip. My trip was quite psychotic in nature. I first felt quickly blasted upward to an entity (old, ancient, wide face) but then quickly plummeted downwards, not being allowed into his dimension. My visions were of terrifying, three dimensional demons performing surgery on each other. I was emotionally very detached from the trip, just witnessing this nightmarish imagery. I also saw the archetypal Tree of Knowledge that is often seen in Ayahuasca trips, and its roots were being cut off (Anyone well versed in Jung or Mythology might have something very interesting to say to this). It was phantasmagorical and not completely immersive and reality shattering like my previous experience.

In people's experience, has anyone had bizarre trips like these, perhaps linked to poor smoking technique? Are such strange trips natural and part of one's time spent with DMT, or is this a sign that maybe I should not be smoking it? I really want to take full responsibility for my psychology and not consider myself a victim of and an actual disease, but I need to be careful. Am I being paranoid?

Thanks so much for reading, apologies to the administrators who have to move this post elsewhere.

Hey, traumatraveller. How old are you? Are you on medications? Have you been to the doctor at all? Do you smoke cannabis?

How much do you normally load in the pipe? Are you going for a full breakthrough? Does it matter if you breakthrough?

The liquid should be useable, if you want you could load more, but what are your intentions? I never tried lighting it with a candle, maybe it's not hot enough, although, I see you say you burnt it. Are you inhaling as you light it up? That might help with the burning problem. Normally, when I burn the DMT, the trip isn't as enjoyable (could be placebo).

Do you feel you're gaining from your bad trips, are they positive in any way?

I think we've all had some bizarre unexplainable trips, but it's important to try to integrate them as much as possible so you can learn as much as possible. Being aware of your emotions and your problems is the first step to fixing those problems.

What preparations did you do going into your session? Are you one of those guys or girls who jump right in? If so, that's fine. If you overthink things, maybe that's the best way, but if things aren't going smoothly, maybe prep for your next experience?

Hey!

To your second question... The experiences made with DMT can be quite diverse in their nature(even though there are also astounding similarities in between different people), but nothing you say sounds out of the norm. Its an incredible powerful substance. Never forget that.

To the rest of your post...
Take this advice with a grain of salt, as you know yourself obviously better, then any stranger person on the internet...

If your main intent behind using psychedelics is to clear up some of your emotional stuff, and topics around trust/learning to let go, you might want to ask yourself if DMT is the right substance. It is in its nature quite overwhelming and fast. Other substances can be more gentle in their way of teaching...

That aside, you might even want to ask yourself, if you want to tackle this topic of yours from different angles, and dive right into meditation (which is the greatest tool for learning how to let go imo), or other more gentle self work tools. While the new agey healing market can be almost as bizarre as a DMT experience sometimes, there is definitely some good and well grounded stuff out there. For trust issues, especially group work can be beneficial imo.

Also as a personal note, I have been to places where it all just was too much, and my trips where just getting more and more chaotic. In retrospect I see it as my psyche was telling me to take a break. What I want to say with that is, that maybe sometimes we think we are playing with/getting closer to psychosis, but the symptoms that make us think so are actually just our body and subconscious telling us to get of the gas for a bit.
I have found life has its way of teaching us the lessons we need to learn, with or without psychedelics. The fast train can be quite spectacular, but you might also choose to walk, and enjoy the scenery along the way. Even if it sometimes rains.

Hope that helps,

woogy

Did the tree looksie similar to this one? (See attachment)

Bizarre is the name of DMT's game. If bizarre is too... bizarre, then it's obviously not bizarre enough!

I cannot say much about your other comments. Those will be answered in time. When, you ask? It's not a "when" type of deal. "When" could have been 10 years ago. It might be tomorrow. It could even be.... forever and always. Matter of perspective leads to think that life is linear. Only the body is linear. It starts, it grows, it stops - from "time" A to "time" B. Although, I bet you didn't know that the entire alphabet exists between A and B! Sure! Watch:
A bcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyza B cdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyzab C.

So. Errr... enjoy!

Take Care!
ACY

P.S. (If the picture that I drew looks "weird," then flip it upside down. It really doesn't matter which is up or which is down. It's all going the same direction.)

longtimewaiting, acaciaconfusedya, woogyboogy, thank you all so much for your very thoughtful replies.

I am 22 year old male, I am not on any medication, although I am sort of abusing clonazepam for about 3 weeks now and have a total addiction problem with everything. I've avoided doctors, got placed on prozac when i was 17 for 2 years. I do smoke small amounts of cannabis every day, which is a bad drug for me and has caused me a lot of mental tension and psychotic symptoms, which I have found alleviated in heavy psilocybin trips. I believe that being stuck between this world and the other world (with insufficient doses) is where things get difficult, so yes, I'm going for a complete breakthrough (I feel TM was on to something with the heroic dose which is lightly verified by my little experience). I didn't trip for two years after ayahuasca, but, to my surprise after ingesting lsd in a drunken depressive stupor, I really feel that LSD is tantamount to medicine for me.

Ive seen the tree in various forms, didn't resemble your drawing in the details but I think that is unimportant.

I do yoga every day for 2 years now, although having studied the philosophy a bit more, I realize I am perhaps currently incapable of willingly stepping into the personal Void (for which students of yoga can be well prepared by experienced yogis, to which I have no access). So I feel that I need a drug to catapult me their against my own will (perhaps explaining why it's always a bad trip!). I feel like I'm getting somewhere with this realization, maybe I'll bring it to a psychologist. My mind refuses to go beyond the threshold but I do it to myself because I think/know I need it, In order to reach that ocean of self discovery. Now I'm just rambling, but this little monologue, stimulated by your comments, has actually really made some things clear for me! As you can maybe see for yourself. I will give it a break and then really consider hard next time whether it is the right teacher for me. Thanks again for your patience with a novice like myself and for reading, any further comments are still greatly appreciated but I feel like I got a lot of the clarity I was hoping to get here. Maybe someone reading has/had a similar psychology to me and can make a suggestion.

Traumatraveller, I'm not sure I could help you any further. I typed out a few posts but ended up backspacing all of them. It'd be easier if I was in your life to tell you what I think is wrong, but I don't know you very well so my advice will be wrong.

I will say I was in your shoes at some point, as I think a lot of us here were. It got better for me, it could get better for you. I abused psychedelics and cannabis, in high doses, I figured they were the safest ones to abuse, but even abusing those was mentally destroying me. My mental health didn't improve until I took a step back and realized I was fighting off my negative emotions with these drugs. I still do drugs but less frequently and in way smaller dosages. Ask yourself where you want to be and how to get there.

I don't have much else to say. I'm here for you if you want to talk.