I keep hearing about DMT dissolving ego and making you one with existence. I don't know that this fits my mentality.

Throughout my life I have had no ego, I was the shy chubby kid at school that to this day still feels very unimportant. I almost feel this was a driver in my life to do better and become successful. I always felt that success would make me have more friends and make me happy.

I grew up with a father that played with death more than I played with toys. I have accepted that we all meet an end to this life, and I have always felt that what we do in this life doesn't really matter in the grand scheme of things. Do I fear death? Sure, I have an enjoyable life, wife, and family that I dread departing from when that day comes.

Success never made me friends, I still have allot of trouble making new friends. I spend way too much time analyzing people I meet by trying to see past the surface into their consciousness. Sometimes I feel like other people are NPCs in my own conscious. When I do try to play the game, I spend allot of time pondering my actions, questions, and responses with people I do not know or people I am uncomfortable with.

I have found that with some drugs, I can be the way I want to be around people that I do not know. Some drugs make me not worry about other's portrayal of me inside their conscious.

I feel like my next step in life is to break past all this that holds me back in life and business.

An example is doing business networking.

An example is that I need to make videos for my online business and I don't want to feel so uncomfortable in front of other people. I want to take people's options with a real grain of salt, instead of letting comments bother me.

Another example is that I actually think that I could practice a few years and be really good at stand up comedy if I had a different lasting outlook on society.

I am really wondering if DMT can help me achieve being more confident and have less worry with interacting with new people.

I do not think that DMT will do anything other than provide an odd experience. The rest is up to you. Everything you bring in with you will be tested. It will all be dissolved and reassembled. The way it all comes back together is up to you. You can make whatever you like out of the whole thing.

If you want ot be more confident and have less worries with people, then start working on loving yourself and accepting yourself completely. Be yourself 100% and you won't be worried about anyone else. You will be too busy being you. DMT could provide a glimpse into how special you truly are, but you would have to see this. You are the one that makes that decision. You are the one who takes on that perception.

You can become more confident anytime you choose in life! Start now I say..

So this is like hypnosis or meditation?

Early in life I was dragged to a Pentecostal church and I seen people speak in tongues. I was a kid that thought all of these people were crazy, doing chanting, and humming, moaning, and wailing.

The Pastor seemed to be a genuine good person. So once I was closer to 18, I decided to test what these people were doing. I did see a glimpse into what is happening.

The best I could compare it to was the feeling you get when you see a tragic event take place. My belief if that people are pushing their body to release chemicals that put them into a specific state. Sure you see people faking this, but I don't think it is all fake.

Right now, to me, it sounds like DMT takes you out of reality similar to near death and anyone can choose how they want to relate that to the daily existence of life.

IME, it's impossible to know what to expect on full doses. Even the same dose from the same batch for the same person will result in wildly variable experiences. Similarly for dreams, I suspect it is mostly driven by whatever is being churned in our subconscious mixed up with our conscious everyday lives, resulting in fantastical, weird, mutated thoughts and visions. You can always slowly start with lower doses if you really feel the need, although most of us with the power of hindsight, who've gone through that process, will probably recommend just diving in headfirst (hehe)

Also, ego dissolution is a different to what most people casually refer to as ego. It's not an inflated sense of self that dissolves, it's the entire sense of self. For example, when I've experienced ego dissolution, I was literally asking myself "who am I?" "what is my name?" "what kind of person am I?". It stripped all my life experience and history since birth and only left a deeper consciousness, spirit or soul (depending on your belief system). I've found it incredibly refreshing and cathartic to have a few minutes genuine holiday from myself, but it is undeniably jarring when first experienced.

If DMT is for you, then I suggest setting intentions but being open to all expectations. It might be life-changing, or simply too weird to make any sense of. You might confront deep, repressed feelings and thoughts, or just be blown away by the most beautiful experience of your life. DMT is like a box of chocolates...

In my early 20s I did a hit of computer duster "dumb idea", big hit. I fell back against the wall and slid down. I set there hearing what my friend said last, which was "DAMN DUDE". Except I kept hearing it over, and over, and over. Everything was froze, I was froze in time, with the thought of "Will I be the guy that turns into a carton of orange juice?".

That's the closest I had been to tripping, let alone a bad trip.

@PADAWAN: Very well written sir, and thank you for that insight.


So yea, lower doses would be best because of that experience alone.

In my early 20s I did a hit of computer duster "dumb idea", big hit. I fell back against the wall and slid down. I set there hearing what my friend said last, which was "DAMN DUDE". Except I kept hearing it over, and over, and over. Everything was froze, I was froze in time, with the thought of "Will I be the guy that turns into a carton of orange juice?".

That's the closest I had been to tripping, let alone a bad trip.

@PADAWAN: Very well written sir, and thank you for that insight.


So yea, lower doses would be best because of that experience alone.

I mean, psychedelics can certainly be used to implant affirmations. Also, setting distinct intentions is perfectly fine.
Still, I'd say, the more open you can be towards the experience, the better. Try and adopt a perspective that says "I'm going to have this experience, and I will calmly accept whatever comes up. Beautiful or ugly, pleasant or annoying. I'll watch it and see what it can teach me."

Because, one shouldn't do psychedelics and expect the experience to be always pretty and gay. Sometimes, darker moods can emerge, and how DamnStr8 just wrote in another topic, these can teach you a lot. So it certainly is good to let this happen, and not engage with it too much. Just my approach. Also, you might consider one of the other psychedelics - they last much longer, that can give you more time to interact with them. Especially on a moderate dose.

@brewster Thanks! I really only considered it because of the possibility of availability. I am not sure other ones could be available.

One man show here, and I would never be caught outside of my home with a substance.

Bought the T-Shirt, if you catch my drift, LOL

The whole interest is from wanting to find a way to be a better person.

I am so pessimistic when it comes to any situation that can go bad and that is what I want to change about myself.

Thanks for the info, I will look into what else may be possible.

I mean, I don't want to say one is better than the other! Just that a moderate dose of shrooms or acid might be an interesting alternative with for a beginner, because they come up gradually, last quite a while, then fade. Of course, this requires more preparation - you want to have a place where you're not disturbed for, more or less, a day. Ideally, an experienced companion... etc..

Another alternative for you might be microdosing - that's what the, let's say, output-oriented people often refrain to. Can be done with DMT, too.

I don't know that DMT made me "better" or "worse" - but it certainly offers a lot to consider. From my experience: DMT does not deliver in a sense of linearity.


As far as ego goes: everyone has one. It's that innate feeling to connect and survive/thrive. What you're feeling, through out life, is still a form of ego. To be human means you're bound to this concept of ego. Ego does not always represent in an arrogant or flashy display. Ego is also the quite kid who lives in their mind, rather than a balance between mind and physical.

Personally, I think the notion of ego death is a little... incorrect. I appreciate the sentiment - but i've seen more inflated egos that "loss" of ego. More than anything, I see people trade one ego for another; and still call it ego death. Ego death, IMO, will only be upon death of the physical. The body has all your life memories and experiences. No matter the driver, they(you) have access to all of it.

Now, the good news! You can sculpt your ego! This takes practice and awareness. It takes recognizing your own wrongful thoughts/actions and addressing them. Some people in the modern era call it shadow-work.... I called it: "getting my shit together." Call it what you want - the end result is the goal.

I think you're starting to understand that success=/=happiness. Success is good! But, if applied inappropriately, then can feel burdening.

Either way, if you're in need of a friend: Feel free to post! There are lots of friends here. I'll toss yah a vote towards promotion. That way, if you find someone on here that you connect with - you can make a friend via PM.

Take Care,
ACY

P.s. I was the quiet skinny kid... until "high" school. Then I decided to open up. Opened too wide and consumed myself in misery. Life is a weird creature.

Well my experience is the exact opposite of yours, but fundamentally the same thing. I was over confident ‘a bit of a dick’, very promiscuous, and under every steroid under the sun in massive amounts. I was completely obsessed with myself and superficial. DMT helped me love myself and accept myself, I stopped taking steroids instantly, and I realised how I had been acting. For me the first time was very healing, note it was a Changa blend. But many others have a rough time by the sounds of it.

The way I see it is that you cannot gain confidence from any drug or planet medicine... drugs that you may use recreationally when around others put you in an altered state and as such don't really give you the long lasting and real confidence that you are looking for, you may get a band-aid effect although once that wears of you are probably a little worse of than when you started.

If using plant based medicines then as mentioned by some people already, it is about the experience to bring about necessary changes within your life and within yourself so that you are aligned with the virtues of your highest self... this is where true confidence starts to develop as you become a person of value and as such decisions become much easier as you know you are working for the greater good.

If people want to try and belittle you for that then who cares... that is a reflection of them and their mentality and their insecurities, it has nothing to do with you and as such your care for what their opinion of you becomes less and less of a concern as you start living aligned more and more from an empowered state of awareness as opposed to a people pleasing state of awareness.

It is not about having a false ego or sense of superiority, it is about knowing deep within your heart that you are a human on a spiritual journey and as such as long as you keep doing the best you can to grow and evolve and leave a positive personal legacy, then you have succeeded in life and that feeling may only be described as a profound state of confidence

One thing I have personally found on my journey is that getting clean and sober and living life all soberAF has made a huge difference in how I feel within my own body... as you life life through a sober lens you start to really see the world for what it is and this too helps develop confidence as you accomplish tasks and develop as a human in your true and authentic state of sobriety.

Personally I see that as your greatest starting point and strength, and then by using plant medicines based on what they may offer you to either heal or grow spiritually... you may progress to a greater understanding of the whole tapestry of life, and that too will give you a new sense of confidence that is once again different to the ones described above.

Don't rush into anything and be sure to choose the right plant medicine based on where you are at in life and what you would like to gain from such a teacher plant, for they too are alive and have a huge amount of spirit... and as such you are essentially gaining a new friend and guide for life, so treat them like that with the utmost respect and reverence that they deserve.

#lifeisbeautiful

#enjoytheride