Well Nexians, it's been a while.
I have had a bit of downtime from DMT, so had nothing to report.
My absence has not been self-imposed, I've been keen to partake in another journey.
However, my main group of friends with whom I've shared my experience have not been so willing.
There's usually 3 of us, two of us taking turns to travel, while one of my friends has no interest in getting involved and acts as our sober "sitter"
My non-participant friend has decided he doesn't want to be involved. Nothing sinister, its just we get together as a social occasion for more than just DMT exploration and he doesn't enjoy sitting with two of us 'gone' then sitting for the next hour or two as the 2 of us get all profound discussing an experience he doesn't understand.
I respect all that but it means the two of us need to find extra time to do it. And that isn't always there.
Anyway, last night an opportunity presented itself and we took it.
I had a few firsts last night that have given me a better understanding and experience of the journey, as ever much of it is difficult to put into words but some of it I'm pleased to have found as they were commonly reported effects that I hadn't yet discovered.
In the here and now, the two main differences were, firstly, that I broke through with one hit, 30mg and one really good blast and I was away. I took one good inhale, knew it was a good one pretty quickly. As I exhaled I vaguely recall my friend offered up the pipe for a second hit and according to him I just shook my head and slunk back into the chair.
For someone that's struggled with breaking through, with higher doses and more tokes it seemed wierd, I'd like to say it was improved technique but I don't know what I did differently to before
Secondly, he reports I was under far longer, he said 15 minutes but that does seem excessive and he wasn't actually timing it. But it was certainly a more prolonged journey.
Part of that might have to do with the fact I opened my eyes at one point and then closed them again and went 'back in'.
Now I've done that before, returned to enjoy the visuals. However, on this occasion I felt another disconnect, as though I was able to return to wherever you go when you break through.
The trip itself shared a lot of my previous experiences, a disconnect with my senses, my self and reality as a whole. When I began to re-enter the room, there was a sense of who am I? who is he, are we one? The inter-connectedness I've sensed before. Admittedly I was fairly well gone still, this was the point that I closed my eyes again and felt like I went fully back in.
So what was different?
This was the first time it was a truly joyous occasion. I have never had a properly scary one but there has always been a mild trepidation, perhaps a feeling of being trapped or anxiety about what was happening or if it would end.
This time was genuinely warm and I felt the feeling that other report, that it wanted to offer me something and there was a feeling of being loved there.
What was it trying to offer me? Well that's where the visuals come in, for the majority of the trip, the visuals as bright and vivid and complex as ever, were arranged in a kind of column structure (this is not uncommon for me), the columns started from far in front of me and projected towards me and they appear to construct faces at the end of them.
I've seen faces before but they were inanimate faces, tiny little fixed heads at the ends of strands, that conveyed no intent or emotion.
But these faces were made up of the fractal geometry at the ends of these columns, continuously moving and rearranging but always unmistakably animalistic, I'd say like a Leopard or Panther, if I was forced to assign a species to this shape, it 'felt' like a large powerful predatory animal. But again, not in a frightening way, but I could very much feel it's presence. There was a brightness where there would be eyes be and there was information emanating from it, mainly around where you would expect a mouth to be. There was numbers, letter, symbols I didn't understand, waveforms, all moving and changing.
His face was gesturing at me (it was definitely a He), almost trying to push something towards me, it was offering up this knowledge, wanting me to take it and understand it but I couldn't.
There was a great sense of awe when I came back, I couldn't stop smiling and I asked myself a few probing existential questions, that I couldn't tell if brought them forth consciously or if they just risen in my mind.
All in that was a very powerful and profound experience. There's isn't a lot left, just enough to enjoy a couple more journeys, but I'm looking forward to what might be my last couple experiences whenever we get to it.