Hello all,

I have been interested in psychedelic substances for a while, but DMT has specifically sparked my interest due to the experience being described as generally much more overwhelming and profound compared to most other psychedelics.

I am currently 17 years old and have the opportunity to voluntarily take part in a professionally guided Ayahuasca drinking session. I feel a sense of morbid curiosity with respect to the DMT "breakthrough" experience but am also terrified of what I might see. I have been going back and forth inside of my mind questioning whether I should go through with it, or not. I have, however, decided that if I do decide to go through with it, I intend to be fully committed to the experience, and treat it with the respect it deserves.

Here is some context and my specific concerns:
I have since long felt an absence of meaning and purpose to life, or more specifically, a lack of significance. This refers to both objective and subjective significance. I am not satisfied nor dissatisfied with the way I am currently consciously moving through life, but rather feel a ubiquitous sense of indifference. In its own way, this indifference is agonizing. I have attempted to employ many methods to relieve this indifference, but to no avail. This "indifference" has led me to adopt a nihilistic view on the universe, a view which I do not seem to be able to replace, regardless of its spectacular, magnificent and incomprehensible nature.

The moment I read about DMT I knew it was a pathway out of this mental bubble. A bubble which I am paradoxically very afraid to pop. I have always considered myself to be very adverse to the concept of spirituality with relation to consciousness outside of the biological brain, if that makes sense. The mere idea of the seemingly definitive existence of other realms perceived through consciousness alone is absolutely terrifying to me. I hold a great fear towards conscious subjectivity. I constantly attempt to make sense of things in the most reliable way possible, this is why scientific concepts such as multiverses are much less frightening to me than subjectively experiencing another reality.

It is as a result of this fear, that I have always held reductionist views, even going so far as to somehow convincing myself that I was not actually conscious.

The choice is tearing me apart. I know and feel that I want to change what I am perceiving as a subjectively harrowing, and indifferent situation. But, on the other hand I am also in horror of the result a DMT experience might have on my psyche, especially as there is no way to reliably make sense of it outside of my own consciousness. And, I ultimately fear that this will mess with my mind so much as to induce a constant state of mental terror. Nonetheless, if I continue living life like I currently am I have a strong sense that I will never be happy with whatever point of life I am at, as I will innately continue searching for something "more", outside of the limited worldview that I cannot seem to transcend out of.

Thank you for reading, and I am looking forward to hearing your opinions.

Edit: some additional information that might be useful to add.
This would be my first time trying psychedelics, but considering the vast difference between the DMT experience and for example LSD I figured I could never be truly prepared even with prior experience with psychedelic drugs.

I have also been practicing meditation, mindfulness and other techniques.

I'm reaching a point in my life where I feel I can barely continue, and my mind is constantly telling me to find something to pull me out, fast, or I might grind down and come to a full stop.

I'm sorry, but i stopped reading after i read this part. You must be 18 and over to participate in this forum.

Come back in a year. Take this time to read about this substance extensively, and a lot of your concerns may be alleviated.

Had the same thought, waited for someone else to chime in

It does not sound like you are ready for the experiences DMT or psychedelics can bring. However, the knowledge gained from reading forums on the matter of how convincing it is to people via there experiences should be of great value to you in at least being open minded in your evaluation which you seem to be currently.

From my experience, waiting until your brain has matured (usually around 24 brain comes to full maturation and stops developing) before you partake can be a wise idea as a young mind could potentially be hampered by indelible experiences that may be negative to the persons forming character and neurobiology. Granted, it also may have a possibility to have a benefit. But with the sentiments you express it is highly suggested you take the advice here of myself and other members and come back when you are a bit wiser. There is plenty of self-growth to be done with reading philosophy and meditating.

Yep, come back in a year. Stay clear of drugs. In the meantime, think about what exactly you are afraid of. Usually nobody is afraid of existing or having a soul, per se, so there is probably some underlying calculation or assumption under your existential fear (or fear of existence).

what is your drug history ?

Include thee all possible psychoactive even cigarets, alcohol or prescription psychoactive such as anxyolitc or antidepressant.
And yes you are one year too young to participate here and to participate in aya ceremonies in the west. Maybe its OK in peru or brazil but definitely not in western countries. even 18 could be a bit too young. Could wait 21 minimum.

DMT will stay here and it won't move so don't rush into it, especially if you do'nt feel ready as we sense it.

I'd suggest low mushrooms psylocibin doses before aiming at DMT breaktrhoguh with no previous psychedelic experience. it could be a truamatic experience.
I persoanlly started with cannabis ( but was soon having less interesting experiences ) so I then started with psilocybe mushrooms.
Then I moved to salvia divinorum and LSD and did this ( mushrooms, LSD, Salvia divine ) many many times at various dosage or technique before going into DMT. I waited to mature enough and feel strong enough to take the DMT tsunami in my face. And waited even more to get to try 5 MeO DMT which is even more extreme psychedelic tryptamine.

Be well, take care, and to prepair, you can live off drugs, eat healthy,n exercise and read nad prepair with respect for entheogenic experience even at 18 minimum but carefully, with clean and safe substances and dosage and set / setting. All can be taught here.
You can test your substance or learn to rely on yourself for that.

Hey Internal, sorry to tell ya this but you being 17 and on this forum isn't allowed (since you openly stated it) per The Traveler. Come back when you're 18.

Learn. Read. Write. Get into some kind of creative art. Practice meditation. Grow your brain and let it mature before diving into these substances. As someone already stated, your brain is still developing well into your 20's. So let it do it's thing before you start tampering with it. And don't start with DMT.

I remeber my first ever psychoactive was some weed and I got rocked my friend. I still get real high off it but not like those first days. I can’t imagine if that was replaced with dmt or heh, I’ve read reports of people’s first being salvia.

Anyone here have their first time be with dmt?

Yeah, the age thing.....but apart from that, i want to say that i think i understand what you are going through.

There are no easy solutions, though i would advice you not to worry too much about unanswerable questions. As they are unanswerable anyway, they cannot be that important.

We are all struggling to get outside of our bubbles. We all want it, and yet we all fear it at the same time.

Meditation and mindfullness can definately help, as we force these bubbles on ourselves with the constant stream of thoughts and judgements we produce.
But physical activity can also help, as it strengthens our will and brings us into contact with our bodies and thus with nature.

Bubbles are comfortable. But comfort is killing. It dulls the mind and the senses. It is good to welcome it, and enjoy it, from time to time. But not to seek it or to cling on to it.

Parallel to what everyone else has said, I'm quite glad to have first encountered entheogens later in life, after my mind had lost some of its plasticity. Some people start in early and end up fine, but some (including, for me, friends from past years) don't. There's a lot to gain, potentially, but there's also a lot to lose.

Fortunately, there's a large body of work written about the ennui you feel or something similar to it. Why not read some philosophy? Much of the Continental tradition since Nietzsche has touched on the challenge of life devoid of metaphysical meaning. The Existentialists (Camus, de Beauvoir, Fanon, Sartre) are a popular place to start and lead easily to modern thinkers. Maybe look at some open learning courses? I think it's a mistake to believe that altered mental states are the only way out of our society's malaise.

Lets be honest. Is 17. Will most likely do what 17 year old will do regardless of internet's advice...You seem well spoken enough, and in the end, the choice won't lie with us. Kudos to being honest, though I'm sure a moderator will soon step in...

Hopefully, you take what lies behind that well-spoken-ness and heed the advice posted here.

I do not want to preach, and am not your parents. I would like to extend the same advice to you, as I would a dear friend with whom I cared for...

I will say that I am with everyone else. I'm new here as well, but I saw this skimming through threads and felt strongly compelled to respond.

To give DMT the proper respect it deserves, is to wait until your mind has finished developing. I know as a young person, patience is very hard, and it could very well eat at you...but waiting will make the experience that much more rewarding if you can get there with a properly cultivated mindset. Try your very best to stay distracted with other things until then. And I heard the same crap spouted by my parents...but...they were once young too, but now are older, and wiser. I now thank them wholeheartedly for their wisdom, I'm glad I followed *most* of what they had to say.

I find it interesting that you say the experiences between the psychedelics are vast, and yet you have no experience with them at all. Psychedelics are a personalized experience, what "is" for someone, most likely "will not be" the same for you. To really get a handle on the experience, it would be worthwhile to try lower-doses of things that are not quite as compelling as DMT, to get a feel for what you might be getting yourself into. It may even take your mind off of the matter long enough for you to do the "right thing".

The only difference between psilocyn and DMT is a measly -OH bonded molecule...

Again, strongly suggesting to wait until you are of proper age with proper mental stability to do so. I don't think DMT, or any strong psychedelic for that matter... is something that will cure what ails you. It's something that takes what ails you and magnifies it to the nth degree, to the point where you are forced to muster your cojones and face it down. Any skeletons in the closet are gonna be rough, man.

Especially amplified by fear or anxiety. You use the word fear a lot in your post.

Fear and psychedelics typically do not go hand in hand, unless you know how to manage or embrace fear...which is truly not easy to do. Fear is one of our strongest emotions, right along with pain...it's what keeps us alive. You can try to convince yourself that you're not afraid, but your subconscious is gonna call you out on it when the time comes. The one thing you cannot get away with lying to, is yourself.

I would follow r0m's advice, and this is the path I took. I introduced myself to good cannabis at 18 (That was me being about as much of a rebel as I could manage). And gradually worked up from there. I've done Mushrooms, LSD and changa prior to pure DMT. Higher than standard doses, with a severe sensitivity to psycho-active substances. I wouldn't have even known I was sensitive to them, or how they reacted with me if I hadn't taken my time and "worked my way up". But I did my research, I learned what was "safe" and was "not safe". Or "safe, but may cause xyz problems". I did my best to fully understand the ramifications of each new substance I tried...

I heard about dmt at 21, I'm 31 now...10 years of what I felt was solid preparation...and I still came out of the first experience feeling totally unprepared.

However, if it was not for all of the prior preparation and experience, I feel like I would have been shattered into a million terrified bits, instead of having some initial discomfort, followed by mind-expanding experiences once it was dealt with. Again, the initial experiences were somewhat unpleasant and jarring due to even mild pre-launch anxiety...But I knew it wasn't going to just be geometry, sunshine and mechanical elves waiting for me...

You may end up going out and just doing it anyway, having a good experience and thinking "screw you guys, it wasn't a big deal". Great, truly, good luck.

But, if things go poorly, at best, you will be on the receiving end of one terrifying experience you will probably never forget...and may end up never experiencing DMT again afterwards, which would be a shame...At worst, you may end up doing some real damage to your psyche, especially since you said you have feelings of fear and anxiety...

Search for accounts of younger persons doing psychedelics, news reports etc...A much higher frequency of them do not end well...This should speak volumes for itself.