I seem to have one hell of a "greater self/inner voice/inner critic/subconscious/Atman/mini me" whatever you want to call it. When we meet (which seems to be "always" ) on lower doses or on the way up on higher doses, it will take me to task. Every single time..

It has gotten to the point where I have had to stop and just "do the things that seem to be bugging the inner me". However, some are really rough.. many of these things it wants me to do, I find much easier to do after a heavy experience (losing anger, forgiving, loving more etc). Since I've had to take a break, this has caused me to be away from "the source" or whatever "it is" over/in there for a longer time and made it harder to keep on the tasks my "mini me" wants me to concentrate on and the afterglow I've had for years seems to be fading.

I find as months go by my attitude is souring more, though still light years ahead of where I was pre-any-of-this.

One saving grace is with things like mushrooms and Ayahuasca the urgency goes out the window as I have a list of memorized rules for controlling a trip when needed : "I am high and if it matters it will matter when I am not high" which keeps me from acting on it "while under", however I still go through getting hammered.

Other things that have helped are "yes I have heard this and have made progress here.. or I am trying 'you/me' know I am." A friend gave me the advice that was similar "Ok I got it, now you can go away", she seems to have the same problem after a deep aya experience.

Anyone here have any thoughts on how to combat this? I am digging into CG Jung and shadow integration as it is supposed to help with that inner critic. I am trying to do what I can, but the laundry list of tasks is astronomical. I'd like to have even a low level experience without having a guilt trip about not have my PhD and solving world hunger ... it's kind of an a** like that.

<3 Fate

Please don't call your Freudian superego 'atman', that means something else entirely.

Anyway, the way to stop your fears and regrets driving you into anxiety and obsessive-compulsive episodes on low doses of psychedelics is to take high doses of psychedelics. It sounds like a joke, but I'm dead f serious.

As for the same thing happening while coming up, creating a festive / sacred environment is a good way to go. A festivity, in traditional societies, was a time outside time. Often they were irregular days that were considered external to the normal calendar. A time when the rules and ideas of the world are suspended.

I can sort of relate to this and can find some similarities to OCD. Being someone who has suffered from OCD in the past, the best thing you can do to soothe the unsure anxiety that plagues you is to put full trust in your subconscious mind.

Before I start tripping, I'm always confident that I'm jumping in hand-to-hand with my primitive other half. The conscious mind itself is actually quite incapable compared to the brain that you have no control over. Many people easily doubt themselves (from my observations) and reject the guide of their inner gut. Little do they know that this part of the brain is vastly stronger than the "awake" mind you observe the world through.

I do not believe I could've handled my trips well (especially on DMT) without the backing of my subconscious mind. Not only do I believe that the conscious mind by itself lacks the mind-power to keep itself together, but also that the disharmony between the two brains could undermine your ability to harmonize with the experience. I couldn't have pulled through the rough, intense DMT experiences I had without the animal brain by my side.

Listen to your gut while you're sober. Never doubt your own intuition, because in the end, you're doubting yourself. The "gut reaction" you may have is your subconscious having something to say. If you still feel something odd despite the circumstance saying otherwise, it's your gut talking. How can you listen to what DMT, mushrooms, or LSD have to say when you can't even listen to yourself?

Once you trust your intuition, at least in my case, it will reward you.

I've never tried dmt or aya so I cant exactly speak to what you're experiencing there. But I used to do mushrooms quite often. I would sometimes experience the negative self-talk that you describe. It would often consist of getting "hung up" on a negative, critical evaluation of something that I had done or just about myself in general.

With mushrooms the frequency of tripping impacted this. The more often I was tripping (for example weekly) the more likely I would be to experience those negative thoughs. Higher doses also made it more likely. Obviously set and setting would also have an impact.

Ultimately I believe that tripping needs to be treated as something special and not done too frequently. At least for me this is the case. I also believe that there is something about mushrooms that lends itself towards the possibility of negative thoughts or bad trips being somewhat common. Perhaps this is the case with dmt as well?

These days I only trip a few times a year, and only with cactus. I sometimes experience challenging trips, especially on higher doses. But I dont get caught in those negative thought loops anymore. Basically, I have found the right substance and frequency for me. And now my trips are very special and constructive.

Wishing you the best on finding your way with this.

Thanks for the great replies..

In general I go infrequently, but go "deep". Maybe 3-4 times a year I'll participate in a mushroom or Aya group where I know I can go 'heavy' and have someone to watch me. I used to use Changa monthly to reconnect with "it", but stopped that in June.

Down to three in the earlier part of 2018 and a couple of Changa experiences, probably been 6ish months now.

Thanks,
Fate

So you have already reduced the frequency but are still experiencing negative thoughts and self-doubt when you do trip.

And you trip in a structured group setting. I'm curious if you've received any advice from people in those ceremonies about what may help you?

Ultimately it may be a matter of facing the self-critical thoughs head on and addressing the root causes, or just learning to accept yourself and the fact that somethings are beyond your control. It is my belief that "it" or whatever it is that you are connecting with on the otherside is really "you" in some capacity or manifestation that normally remains beyond the conscious realm. What are you trying to tell yourself? What mustvyou change or accept. Sometimes trips reveal insights that take months or even years to fully integrate. And sometimes it is helpful to stop tripping until that integration fully blossoms.

But I'm sure you already know these things. Best luck.

Yup, I have surrendered to it. Not like I disagree with it's suggestions as it is the "me I think I want to be" at some point.

Just sometimes it's nice to just "play". Occasionally I was able to "bypass this" by going over everything I already knew I needed to do and promising to handle it when it was time. Doing what things I could and trying to keep in mind that in the end.. while I am moving forward and "that inner me" is kind of pushy, any move forward is a good one. Even if you fall backwards, as the more time you spend in the "peaceful space" the easier it is to get back to it.

I think that buddhist/jungian path may be helpful as well.. acceptance that "I am" some things that I don't want to be.. frail/egotistical etc. Not sure.. I will update in a couple of months when I can make it through the reading. I have a hard time with books as my life is distraction. So I audible or read 5-10 before bed and it takes me forever to finish anything.

Thanks again!