“I can’t.”

What do you mean you can’t?

“It’s just…” he searched his brain for the right word and decided on too much. “It’s just too much” he said. The empty room did not reply. The inner dialogue came to a halt.

He went outside to his balcony and stared at the dark sky and the stars and the city in the distance. The darkness and vastness of space seemed inviting. There was a sweet scent in the air coming from the trees which pleased him.

Isn’t it the most beautiful thing ever?

“Yes” he said. That was an easy question. He had thought it over a thousand times, in a thousand different places, rationalizing under the influence of many different moods and life changes, but the fact always remained: its beauty was infinite. Its main qualities were the wealth of lovingness, tenderness, gentleness, and the magical ability to completely astound. It was the kind of experience that left one wide eyed and wide mouthed, missing a sandal, wondering What the fuck just happened? Eventually accepting it all and dancing to the gods.

If it is beautiful, then of what are you afraid?

He pondered this 20 seconds, rubbing a hand on his beard. “I’m afraid of the unknown.”

Is it gonna be that way forever? I ask this because I do not want to live with fear forever.

“Now is forever” he said. The realization of this was the courage he yearned for.

He went inside and wrapped a warm poncho around his body, leaving his right arm out and capable of smooth movement. Grabbing the pipe and laying down on his bed felt like free falling towards the moon. He felt cold and vulnerable. He understood that these feeling were the source of creation; this is the natural state of the brain. The unknown is all there truly is. The unknown gives birth to life and has the benevolence of freeing one of life when the right time comes, but the known keeps one bound to life. It constricts and oozes one into a sort of comfortable numbness and false sense of security.

“If this is so, then why would I hold on to this fear, to this security?” he said. His courage increased tenfold and he reached for his lighter. He lit the pipe and took six tokes of changa in the stretch of 2 minutes and as the trumpets of triumph resonated in his mind, the doors of perception opened, and he swam headfirst into the unknown.

and the story begins...

I'm very glad this was moved here so I can say thank you. Very cool piece of writing, you have nicely captured some of the internal dialogue of pre flight. I was contemplating having a smoalk today, I believe I will. Thanks FranLover I appreciate this.

Tony6strings I have read your comment 6 times and get higher off it each time. Sweet flattery! Thank you so much for the encouragement

You should not
Full posts are not supposed to be moved here, nor posted here directly as OP does. The only permission is placing links as put here: https://www.dmt-nexus.me...aspx?g=posts&t=38105
I've asked for a correction of this to keep the place as nice and tidy as it was.

Sorry for the grumpy note but it should not have been necessary if people respected the structure of Nexus better.

OP should be moved in an appropriate other section first. Then Franlover (or anyone else for that matter) can promote the post (if still insisting it to be listed as a high-quality topic) by linking it easily in this section.

For this I already opened a new thread [PREFLIGHT - FEAR] here where relevant topics can be linked to, I will add myself some links. As of late a lot of questions were about that, it would be good if we had a cumulating point to refer people to.


Signed, Waldorf and Statler.

I apologize if I commented on the wrong section. When I first read this it really resonated with me and I wanted to say so, but it was in a part of the forum I couldn't access. Jees, the preflight anxiety compilation is great, I read through a good portion of the threads yesterday. Thank you very much for putting this together, I am grateful.

Thanks T6S for the kind words, no harm done really, it was just Waldorf and Statler lamenting . More entries have been added recently in the new link

This is simply beautiful. Thank you for putting such heady feelings into words. You are a true explorer. As we are playing in the fields of the gods.

Hehe thanks guy Anything is possible in hyperspace.

If it were me the next line would be,

And then he took 6 big tokes and as the high pitched ringing took over he though “why did I do it, noooooo, ahhhhhhhhbhh *disappear*”. Something along those lines.

Did you ever find out if your changa was bad? What do you think would cause that, putting it away still wet or something? I would think the solvent would get it pretty sterile.

LOL!! I only ever felt so much like that on my recent bad trip which you speak of. I don't know why the changa was bad yet. I dry the dmt for hours, then when I make changa I dry the Everclear off it for like 48 hours infront of a fan and its crisp dry...but maybe I fanned it less this time (?)

Maybe I burned the dmt and when dmt is burned it is like a plastic and your lips become sticky because the end of the pipe is sticky because the smoke itself is sticky. I wonder...I even imagined that maybe Naphta sticks to the dmt crystals at a molecular level, so the glue of the naphta becomes one with the crystal. This would be a daunting prospect. I also stopped doing evap tests on the naphta some time ago
...maybe there lies the mistake. I dont know really but my intution tells me it has something to do with naphta.
Gosh I am happy I surivived that trip Asher! Twas a rough one.

Eternity is the ultimate unknown. And it's my ultimate fear.
Eternity is too big for my soul I feel. I'm afraid I will exist forever and I don't like that word. But I'm only me for today. Tomorrow I'll be another me.

Wonderful piece, FranLover.

I especially resonate with "The unknown gives birth to life and has the benevolence of freeing one of life when the right time comes, but the known keeps one bound to life."

For some reason it brings to mind Rilke's "Letters to a Young Poet."