Hey, this is my first post on this site.

I just need some help understanding my situation and where I stand.

This Sunday i had my first psychedelic experience. I snorted 120 mg of dmt. Which was probably dumb, I know. I had a friend watch me, a very close one. I had done research. I knew setting was everything, and my friend and I made sure I was comfortable and safe beforehand. Anyway, I jumped right in, you could say.

Which ended up not being fun. So I guess I'll explain the trip here. First the sound of the music kind of faded out and was replaced with this wave of static like sound. Details on the wall kind of disappeared and became one color. For example, I couldn't see bricks on my fireplace, it was all just red. Like everything had became flat and simple. This only lasted a little bit before I became basically nothing. It was like I had never existed. I was born unto an empty abyss with no meaning in my life. I couldn't grasp the concept of I. I had no history or anything. It was horrifying, having no meaning like that. It was all so alien I cant even describe it.

So that was the important part. After that I slowly came down and realized I am me. And i am fine.

Fast forward to today, I decide I'll try only 60 mg snorting it, freebase btw. Except alone.

I was expecting a different trip. Instead what happened was the setup was the same. The classical music I had on became that terrible static wave, and the colors became the flat undetailed version.

And let me tell you, I got SCARED. Because I knew if it let it take me, it was going to take me back to that hell of nothingness but searching for meaning and fear from my first trip. Everything happened the same. So I fought it because I didn't want to go back.

It didn't take me. At all. I fought it and focused on the ceiling. And when I could I grabbed my phone and called my friend and talked to him and stalled through the rush of intensity making sure it couldn't take me.

And like that the trip faded away, and my classical music came back and I sat there and thought about my actions for the next hour.

So I guess I have come to the forum for advice. Why did this happen? Why was the trip going the exact same as before? Why was my first trip like that? Complete destruction of myself. I was expecting new worlds and crazy patterns but I got obliteration of myself? And then the threat of it a second time? Should I just give up on DMT? Do me and it not get along?

Hi.
I haven't snorted deems but things sound familiar though.


I think you got a mere true face of spice straight in the face. Not in particular this, not that, but unpredictable. Yes you have to eat fear for breakfast when you take up on this molecule.
It sounds like you had a meeting-Void in that 120 mg session, also very familiar, as far I can see nothing is alarming to be honest.
How these things work out on you is your path. Remember first time on your bike? Not so funny wasn't it , took a while to get used to.

Happy trials!

In simpler words - nothing extraordinary happened to you. DMT is this: unpredictable. You've got shown an important lesson but lack knowledge to interpret it consciously.
Keep reading and educating yourself about the substance and surrounding theories,
if you feel like experience is too scary, take a break.
Bike analogy from Jees is very good.

Sometimes we have to experience what we are not enable to see what we are.

Nothingness has no preference or reference. If you ever experience this again. Sit in it and really pay attention. There can be great peace that can come from such an experience. The stillness and vastness of nothingness can be something of great beauty.

It is as temporary as our lives. This nothingness becomes something at some point. It forgets itself and finds preference. It creates experience. You create experience for the nothingness from the nothingness. In some ways I feel that we are of great value to the nothingness. It was bored and empty. Now it has something to do, something to experience, emotions, family, memories, life, etc..

The nothingness reminds me of meditation. Quieting the mind and finding silence within. I feel you have met a teacher. It is trying to show you something, teach you something. Not all lessons are easy to swallow. Take some time to integrate before you go back. Find yourself in the nothingness.

One more thing, 120mg is a pretty stiff dose, even when snorted. Successfully vaporised, that amount quite probably would have made you black out entirely.

Hmmm, Snorting would not be my ideal choice of administration and especially not freebase. The burn, alone, would be enough to through someone off their trip. I have snorted similar amounts before. The static sound is pretty common, so don't get freaked out about it. I like DMT in silence so that I can experience the audible changes from very little previous stimulation.

Sometimes DMT might bring you to a place that feels like nothingness, but it's filled something - potential. Next time you are in nothingness, try imagining something manifesting. See if you can create the meaning. Maybe it will be something you want to improve in yourself, maybe it is to seek advice from the "inner you or entities." Maybe it IS just nothing.

If there's nothin' there, then there ain't nothin' to lose!

Before any of the above, consider different means of administering DMT, and adjust the doses as needed.


Take Care
ACY

Your trip took you to a place many call the void.  The void presents a major lesson to learn for anyone who has yet to be able to let go of that fear and let the experience unfold.. 

First thing is please listen to others suggestions on dosage.  also make sure your trip sitter is well informed amd knowledgable on how to handle all possibilities.  theres is plenty of information out there and im sure someone can direct you if needed. 

the void is always scary to some degree..  fighting it will always make it more difficult.  the key is letting go of your control and allowing yourself to have the experience, letting your sense of self slip away.  its never really a simple thing to forget about being human.. its commonly called ego death and is one of the more bizarre experiences that are common with high doses of certain psychedelics. 

Im really glad to know that, while it was scary, your experience went rather smoothly.  Ive had to care for people who became a danger to themselves after taking too much their first times amd going through similar states. 

I would suggest stepping back.. do more reading around here, and if you want to explore dmt further, start with threshold doses amd slowly work up..  get to know the effects and the territory.. then i dont think it would be crazy if one day, you approached the void again.. with time and experience, it would potentially be much less stressful for you and quite rewarding to work through as well. 

take care <3

Preliminary disclaimer: I'm on LSD right now. So expect a sermon, lol.

There is something to be said about the Void. It's the birthright of all entities, and by entities I mean 'us'. It's somewhere you can escape to, it's somewhere you can rebuild from. Zero is good, it has no debts to pay. Being a 'stranger' or even an 'alien' is potentially better than being a 'prisoner' or a 'slave'.

We make the mistake of fearing the void, of lowering the bar. Of accepting 'something' on the merit of it 'not being nothing'. Even if it wasn't anywhere near what we wanted to begin with. Well I say ptchoo at this ridiculous spiritual prostitution. I say embrace Zero, embrace the Void. It's the place to start anew, again and again, until it's not merely 'something', but rather 'something wonderful'.

Yes it is a bit scary. But i think i agree the other posters here, that the void gives us a glimpse of a very complicated truth: that all the meaning that we normally experience, is projected onto this world, by our very own minds.
That doesn't automatically mean that all meaning is fake or empty. Because that is what the void SEEMS to tell you, and that's what's so frightening. But what it realy is showing, is what's left of our world when you take all of our meanings away from it.

A meaning is something like the number 73...it is real, and it isn't real at the same time.

The same is true of all things that matter so much to us. Ego, love, identity...