Hoping some experienced psychonauts could help me make sense of my last 4-ACO-DMT experience.

Although I've tripped about 10 times on LSD/4-ACO-DMT/4-HO-MET and another 7 or 8 times on nnDMT, the breakthrough and ego death continues to (for the most part) elude me.

One time before any mushroom or LSD trips, I took a large nnDMT dose and I was thrust toward hyperspace. I believe the panic and hysteria pulled me back into my body and I had a major panic attack, rolling on the floor trying to escape my head. Absolutely confused and disoriented. As the effects wore off, I lay on the floor in a puddle of sweat, half naked and unable to make sense of what had happened. A truly traumatic experience, all because I fought death tooth and nail. I do not feel as though this was in any way ego death. I think it was fighting an inevitable ego death and breakthrough.

Since this really bad experience, I decided to scale back and navigate the space with LSD and 4 sub tryptamine's. Through my experiences, ego death is on a spectrum. At the extreme other side of the spectrum lies the breakthrough. Thats to say, I felt as though I've experienced various degrees of ego death. For instance one trip a few months ago I laid in bed in the dark alone, with music in my ear buds and I slipped into a state of mind free of any human emotion. That I was really no different than a tree or plant. Except I had this mind (which I was no longer hampered by.) That I was simply awareness and I was part of a vast ocean of energy. I knew that I was in a human body, but that I was so much more. This was a 25mg 4-ACO-DMT dose. But getting there was nothing more than a great set and setting. I slipped in and out of this state of mind repeatedly for a couple hours. In this example, I felt no fear or anxiety as I reached this state of mind. Fear didn't exist, nor did anxiety, greed, jealousy or any other negative emotion. It was a smooth, beautiful transition into this state of mind, not the chaotic, terrifying transition that I was used to. In short I could've burned alive and not even tried to fight it. I say this because as I lay in my bed on the 11th floor of my condo at 1am, the fire alarm went off, I heard the fire trucks come and was truly at peace with burning. As I came more in my mind and body, the anxiety of burning started to come on bit by bit. There was no breakthrough in this trip. Perhaps this means it wasnt truly ego death? Im not sure.

I've been dosing 150ug LSD as well as 25mg and now 30mg 4-ACO-DMT trips lately. I've not came anywhere near the dark bedroom alone experience. Lately when tripping, I feel its fun and everything, but not nearly as magical as I'd hope. I trip with my partner now. Perhaps im in my own head, worrying about her having a bad trip. Worrying if she is in trouble. Maybe I'm destroying my own set and setting and thus not getting very deep. To combat this, I have started smoking weed after the peek to potentiate my trip. It has worked wonders. For some reason, weed can REALLY get me far out there. But these trips all have external stimuli, ie. tv, on the couch chilling, talking, etc.

2 nights ago, I took 30mg and enjoyed a really beautiful trip. I smoked some weed and it took me even further. I then smoked another part of a joint 30 minutes later and the chaos slowly came on. Allow me to explain what had happened.

Confusion began to set in after smoking weed the second time. My partner wanted to get up to grab some pre-made light snacks and a light drink each. I left the couch to help her. At that point I asked what I could do to help, I was in no state of mind to problem solve. So she asked me to fill up a bottle of water. I stared at the bottle in utter confusion. I didnt know what to do. I became very frustrated and she sent me back to the couch. I began to try to understand what was going on but couldn't make a connection of my thoughts. It became clear to me that I had lost my mind. I tried to be aware that it was only the drug and that it would wear off. But I doubted that it would. I couldn't make sense of anything at all. Who was I? Where was I? Each time I tried to work that problem out, I hit a disconnect and couldn't figure it out. There was a break in connection in my mind where I couldn't solve any problem whatsoever. It was not at all beautiful. It was literally as though my brain was fried and I was sure it was permanent.

She came into the living room and I was quite anxious because I truly lost my mind. She urged me to watch the grateful dead video we were watching prior and not to think too much. I shut my eyes and began to feel better. After maybe 5 minutes I'd sit up to eat something from the snack tray. As I brought my attention from the music and to the snack, I began to think, and all hell broke loose. I began to panic, I jumped off the couch in utter confusion. I looked at her and said, "fuck, im having a really bad trip!" and she urged me to relax. I realized in that moment I had bad 4aco and that I took enough this time that I'd destroyed my brain. I was falling into a coma (I thought). I felt so much guilt over giving my partner this same drug and swore that if I made it through this I wouldn't give her this anymore. I realized in that moment that I had poorly researched these psychedelics and that they were in fact unsafe. I was delusional.

I ran outside to get fresh air a couple times and it would help a little. I had to come in after only a minute because in my mind, I thought my partner would believe I would jump in the river in the backyard to kill myself. I even worried that I might get taken to that point, due to the confusion. As if there was an evil entity sitting by me, not telling me to do it, but at any moment it could. I was truly out of my mind. I did feel a bit better after taking deep breaths of that fresh air. But after I came in I began to think and fell back into the bad trip. I began to get dizzy, light headed. Very sweaty. I looked at the floor and felt like I wanted to get naked and lay on the cold hardwood. I was going to pass out. I eventually made it out of that chaotic state and remained sketched out for another half hour to an hour until the paranoia wore off.

I'm not sure why my mind had failed me. Is losing ones mind on a seemingly low dose a normal thing on psychs? Did the weed potentiate it that much? I wonder what would've happened if I surrendered rather than fought it. Was ego death approaching and my ego simply fought it? Or was this simply a bad trip caused by confusion, weed paranoia and a lack of mindfulness? Guess I'll never know. One thing is for sure, Ive NEVER had an experience like this on psychs. The DMT trip I was flopping on the floor. I couldn't even get up if I wanted to. This time I was walking around without a mind.

Hope I can get some clarity on if I should embrace these things in the future or avoid them.

Thanks

Oh yes, weed and psychedelics can potentiate eachother tremendously. I personally do like the combination, but you have to be realy carefull with the weed.

I have had such an experience like you describe myself, and i got over it, so this doesn't need to have a lasting negative impact on your life.

Generally it is preferable to have positive experiences ofcourse, but even the most negative experiences can be turned into something positive.
There are several ways how to do this, but they all have one thing in common, and that is dedication. You realy have to say to yourself:"i am gonna turn this into something good".
You can use the negativity as a powerfull motivator, a source of energy.

I wish you well.

thanks for the reply. I believe that I have taken a good lesson away. That is I am terrified of letting go. Perhaps this clinging onto my ego is something I need to work at. I am a big overthinker and am I my head too often. Perhaps trying to control situations that can't be controlled.

Do you think this was me rejecting my ego crumbling or stuck in a negative thought loop until panic ensued?

Sounds like you are on the right line of thinking!

Start watching your thoughts. Create the experience you would like most by thinking about the things that serve you. Don't buy into the sideshows of the mind. All in all it takes practice and patience. The moar you go back the moar you will begin to see what your mind is creating. The mind wants to be in the driver's seat and freaks out when it takes the backseat to a strong experience. It can be difficult to pull yourself away from the thoughts, the loops, the fear and place yourself in a better frame of mind.

A thousand people can tell you and show you how to let go.... you are the one that has to release your grip. I think from your above statement you know this and you know what you need to work on. Psychedelics will make you work at some point. Enjoy the lessons at hand!!

> weed and psychedelics can potentiate each other tremendously

Yes, because it's exactly equivalent to mixing two psychedelic drugs. I usually enjoy(ed) weed; but almost week ago I did 150ug LSD25 (its beautiful, truly), and inhaling few weed smokes at the very peak, and very end. The latter turned around to be rather unexpected (mind expanded, thoughts & topics furiously switch, memory is foggy, and can induce paranoia).

At the very peak, the visual correspondence enhanced; and I was not interested in other energy form; it was so distracting! On CEV, noticed increased flow and colours, more mixing and abstract fractals, triangles/tunnels,, more three-D like vision. One can say relaxed.

Towards to end (which might be expected after 6 hours of constant tripping), the less visuals were present, and more of an aura is being attached. Mind had noticeable pattern, a way to get stuck in a time loops; I was being more and more frustrated that I can not escape or perhaps relax this attitude.

For two hours I was getting into simulation into simulation into simulation, that at one moment I had to remember I did LSD and I'm tripping and I will not "sleep forever" (oh brain).

So, how am I so sure it was weed that did this? Pretty easy, I'm not! But I can assure you weed can and does enhance effects of psychedelics in quite interesting way. Many people agree that weed should be avoided during specific travels. Various sources suggested a joint on afterglow (after nnDMT) - is awesome, while otherwise for LSD25 comedown - it's pretty bad.

Does the weed strain have effect? What is it in the nature, to describe and feel the effects? Mixing new psych open and pushes you further, people even take 3-4-5 various psych to accomplish their needs. You better ask yourself do you really have one?

As other suggested, mindfulness is appreciated to achieve peace. Maybe avoid mixing psychs and try to examine each on their own.. at least thats what I'm going to do.

(oh, and before anyone asks why smoking while obviously noob to LSD; i just felt like it)

First of all - nicely written report and thank you.

I have watched video a few years ago, where guy tells pretty good analogy, when you take heroic dose of mushrooms (applies to pretty much any psychedelic).
When you ingest your dose, treat it as if you got on a train. Now somewhere half an hour into your train ride, you realize that the train is going in completely opposite direction to the place you have never even been to and don't want to be.
You have two options - one is freak out, try to stop train, hail conductor, etc etc. Another way is accept that this journey is already happening and no much you can do about it without negative consequences, so just enjoy the ride and the sights of a countryside and that you get to explore new place and learn a thing or two.
I understand that it might be hard to remember such analogy during intense tripping, but it stuck to me and helped in a few situations so far. Maybe it could be of some use to you too.

DMT had me 100% certain that I have finally broken myself, mushrooms made me doubt that I will ever be back normal again. I think everybody who embarks on psychonautic journeys comes to meet these thoughts every now and then.

great analogy! Gonna try to download that into my memory

Early days of shrooming I had no idea what ego death was or meant. Until. In the middle of the 7th or 8th journey, which is quite familiar to me now, I’m at a friends house and he passes me a bong and I take my first burn of the day. What happened next took me by surprise, literally. Took me. I can only describe it as a sudden hole opening up on top of my head and my mind, thoughts, everything I believe about me and the world aka ego, was vacuumed up as i blew out the smoke. I suddenly stood up and said “what just happened? I don’t know who I am!” I was in a constant panic for I don’t know how long but I was certain that if I found a certain girl who I liked and I knew liked me then she would be able to help me. After taking my shirt off, peeing in his garden, sitting on the pavement in defeat and giving him my new found gold ring, I walked over to the college determined to find this girl because she had the answers. Unbelievable, no one knew where to find this girl. I walked in some random door, sat down in front of some random people and said look... there’s things we know we know right, and then there’s things we know we don’t know, but then there’s things we don’t know we know, and things we dont even know we don’t know, know what I mean? Like where is this girl? Help me find her. I said something about magic and mushroom with much enthusiasm. When they escorted me out of there I was starting to come back to reality. I think I went straight to my car and drove home because I realized how crazy I must have been.

At home a trooper came to my door and I answered it because he saw me peek out the upstairs window that tard. What was remarkable was how sane I sounded to this trooper because he didn’t believe it one bit that I was on anything and he said he didn’t like how they did things over at the college(which I thought was his way of getting me to cooperate) or maybe he just really didn’t like them. Either way he left and since then I pursued the mystery of ego death relentlessly. Man I didn’t think I’d be typing this much.

I did extensive research into potentiators and tinctures as well as the synergies of mushrooms, cannabis, and honey. Eventually I was able to achieve ego death at threshold doses of mushies, 1.3g or so. If I could, I would fast for a day before hand. If not, then simply not eating anything that day was generally good enough.
So I cut up the shrooms and put them in a glass filled with lemon juice, enough honey to sweeten, make ginkgo tea and mix with that, and eat a cayenne pepper beforehand, though the pepper wasn’t really necessary it did help with increased blood flow. Let that tincture soak for a few hours or even a day. Be somewhere quiet in nature, somewhere familiar.
After consuming I would sit in meditation until the experience began and continue to be still until it peaked, which wasn’t very long at all..10-20 minutes or so. At peak I would slowly, almost reverently, place the cannabis filled pipe into my mouth. Light and take a slow inhale. Hold. Be still. As the breath is still. Conscious. Present. Awareness.(I’m fantasizing now) This is the point where time slows down and either I begin to feel the vacuum or know when I exhale that mind will follow. And it did just about every time. Not always pleasantly. I really didn’t enjoy having egodeaths around others. I never really blasted off into a totally different realm of visuals. Just a state of complete presence. At times I would know what was going on. Other times I’d be lost in the feeling of having to be somebody, usually around others. Best death I’ve had was with black currant juice consumed 20 minutes before hand. There may be something about that juice, idk, but I can tell you it was my first experience of “Christ consciousness” which is a whole nother level. Everything was understood. That oneness was felt. Questions in my head were immediately answered. And cows were telling me jokes that made me laugh. Maybe the only time I’ve ever communicated with animals that audibly.

this is a great read. thanks