Hello all, thought I'd take a minute to introduce myself. First post but happy to be a member here. Lots of great info and I've learned a lot already from reading up on lots of great literature.

I'd say DMT came to me out of nowhere really. I just began what I'd call a spiritual journey. I began seeking truth in my life where it seemed that I had none. Everything I thought I new was crumbling away and the conservative stubborn azzhole was starting to lose his identity. I never even as much as smoked weed (except for a few times in high school). I was anti drug. A true narrow minded ignoramus. Once my life fell apart (marriage failed, lost job) I decided to look into weed. Why wouldnt I try? Everything I thought I new was obviously wrong...

Weed was infact a gateway drug for me. A gateway to self exploration and self awareness. Something I never had in my life. I began to see different perspectives rather than just one which I thought was the truth. It was liberating.

The cravings for new perspective became more intense and about 6 months ago a a random DMT youtube video popped up in front of me. It intrigued me. I thought, "why would I be afraid of this?" I began to research extensively.

After a while I took the journey of making my own DMT. Tried and failed a couple times. The third time tho... I could tell I had discovered something incredible. I was so happy, excited, nervous but feeling great about making my own.

I treated my first trip like a ritual. Set and setting, good music, low lights. I bastardized my first dose. Got maybe a threshold dose. I think I burned most of it away. Even with that, I seen great OEV's and over all euphoria. It wasn't ground breaking or life changing. I knew from what I read I could expect more, with a higher dose. I took a couple weeks off, due to a vacation. Came back and jumped in. I became more and more confident. I was taking larger doses each time. Was mastering my rig. Communicated with a dragon lady. I woke up crying from the intense love I felt. For the first time ever.

Then the 6th trip... A panic attack from an extremely fast come up. 60mg dose in one rip from the rig. It came on as if I was set on fire. The visuals were too intense. I ripped off my blind fold thinking I was dying. I looked at my gf and I remember her not running for me... that confused me. I thought she'd be calling 911... But I guess I felt much worse than I looked. I began crawling up the walls trying to leave the trip. I ended up on the floor with most of my clothes off soaked in sweat, waiting for the trip to end. I was destroyed. Utterly defeated. I then realized the power of psycedelics. I have tried two small doses since then. Both times I was terrified, anxious. I was drawn into a serpents mouth. There was spiders and it I tried so hard to control my anxiety. I couldn't wait for it to end.

Since then I've been trying to go backwards. SO I started using 4X tryptamines. The first time on a low dose of 4aco-DMT I sat down town on an inner city park bench. DIdnt expect to even feel anything (allergy test dose). Then the alert came on... I became anxious... then the come up. I panicked. Ran home to see my gf in my little apartment and the walls started closing in. After a while we walked it off. And it became semi-pleasant. I was demoralized that I couldn't take psychs.

I began researching phenibut, benzos. I decided to give 4aco another shot with 1000mg of phenibut before. This time I went to a park. On the water. My trip was AMAZING. The best experience of my life. Nature spoke to me. I watched trees and mushrooms breathing. It was transformative. Now I feel reinvigorated. I'll try again in a forest without the phenibut. Im confident I wasn't respecting my set and setting with the 4aco earlier.



Anyhow, thats my intro. Again, im happy to be here. Thanks for all your wisdom guys and gals!

Welcome to the Nexus NikkiP...

I hope you take advantage of all the incredibly valuable information it contains.

It seems like you've got a lot to learn, but have a pretty good attitude about it.


I wish you the very best of luck!


See you around the forum.

My hat is off to you: it is not easy to remove the shackles of a set ideology that is socially acceptable. Congrats and best of luck in your open minded exploration and growth.

Anxiety after shattering experiences can happen. Good news is that physically the brain is ok (or even better), and through mental reflection and acceptance one can move forward. It is not always an easy journey, but it is worth it. Certainly beats going to the grave after a lifetime of keeping your marveolous self trapped inside the artificial comforting walls constructed by whatever ideology gets to you first.

thanks for your pm doc! I cant reply to it cause Im too new

I've updated tho. Thanks for the tip

you're right. I wouldnt have it any other way

Can a mod attach this to the intro essay board? Unless its not important... I think I'm in noobie school (where I need to be) until I post on that board

No probem NikkiP!

I'm happy to see that you'll be fitting in well around here. I'm aware that you can't PM me back due to your membership status at the moment, that's why I checked back here this morning to (hopefully) make sure that you got it. And I see that you did! Good job!

Keep up the good attitude and it will serve you very well. Share enough around here, give as much or more than you take and before you know it, you'll be voted a full member. Be patient (I have to remind myself of this every moment of every day of my life)...

"Nature never hurries, yet everything is accomplished."

-Lao Tzu


May we all find our Peace

I already feel at home with all the support here. Really happy to be a part of the community. Thanks again.