Hi

My girlfriend has a family that is very monetary with no significant viewpoints on health and lifestyle.

One thing led to another, her mother has diabetes 2, very emotionally imbalanced, with three or so autoimmune diseases.
This came from not managing stress, smoking cigarettes, and a diet full of sugar (she still consumes raw sugar even though she is very ill)

The family does not understand the underlying conditions of these disorders, and does not treat it properly. On the contrary, we got a typical strong minded father, the firstborn son, and my girlfriend here :/

We (me and my gf) are always the source of the problem for the past 3 years now. It always starts with the mother making a fuss and both of the other members supporting her.

This escalated to the point where we will most probably be moving abroad soon - and we are getting blamed 2-3 times weekly, certain times the mother is threatening us with suicide.


Now I know this is a very tricky topic as I could very well be on the biased side here, but if you read through my post you will find me level headed - not seeking to right myself but solely to fix the problem and the issue at hand.


I tried to write down examples of what we get and how they treat us/themselves but could not do it in a proactive/productive manner.


Basically my approach would be to write a personal letter to each family members, nicely describing the situation, the underlying conditions, and the only possible answer which is switching to a healthier lifestyle.

This is the closest to what I've gotten to a solution. Whenever we talk I always get blamed and am the source of the problem, and never do they listen to me.
I've tried doing nutritional ketosis and wim hof with the family, but only my girlfriend does it the other parts laugh at us. (like, literally........... yuck :/ )

I also have a very good psychiatrist here nearby, and am willing to contact her about the matter. But I'm pretty sure the family member would "so you think I'm crazy?" etc response. Is why I'm hoping involving every family member at once, and writing it down without attacking anyone or being personal with anyone would be a better approach.



Any advice is welcome.

Two things I've learned in life:

1) People believe what they want to believe.

2) People are going to do what people are going to do.


Think of all the times you've done or kept doing things you knew deep down weren't good for you because you weren't able or ready to tell yourself to cut the crap and do what is obviously right or smart or good for yourself. It took til I was 32 years old before I was able to admit to myself "Dumb ass, you might want to listen to your parents for once. After all, they have your best interests at heart."

Also, I have kids who are busy off living their lives and sometimes I wish they'd come around more and be a burden There's a big difference between "Family" and "Inlaws" to me. I learned long ago, mostly for selfish reasons, tbh that it's best for me to take a step back and refuse to participate in "Inlaw Problems."

Well said....id also like to include that, to me, i find that most people dont really want their problems fixed, let alone have someone else fix them. I guess furthermore, it can be said that, who are you to say what my problems are?? I guess it can be branched off into a million other responses really. The point is, when i listen to people talk about their problems, they dont want solutions. Solutions involve work, and complaining is ssoooo much easier.

I must say though, that youve gone about this is a very productive manner, but maybe instead of saying how they treat ypu, you can say something like "is there something i or we can do to help".....so on and so on. Im sure theres a way to add in your side, but in a more, were here to help kind of manner..might be more receptive.

I have no idea if any of this is making sense, or is at least adding to, in a positive way. Just dont beat yourself up to bad if you find yourself unsuccesful at getting some "control" on the situation. You ever notice how every single person you meet has "crazy" inlaws?? Best of luck though Peace

Heh, yea, I actually deleted most of the "how they treat us" part because I found it niappropriate but left the key stuff there, I'm honestly just mainly afraid the woman will kill herself and the family will blame it on us or smth.

Other than that, i genuinely feel obligations to help out people, even if I feel negative emotions towards certain people I find the passion to help them somehow greater.
Feel like that mostly comes out of a hive mind like thinking when it comes to humanity. If we could approach how ants or bees work for instance, that would create some neat future for our race


Thanks for the replies though.

Hi Just,

this could help you to understand, why they are so stubborn and laugh at you:
dopamineproject.org

Long story short, they are addicted. With your mom-in-law you stated two addictions: To nicotine and to refined sugar.
Addictions work mostly on the mind, people are afraid to "give-up" the one thing, that is physically and mentally destroying them. To lose desire completely, you "just" have to look through the brainwashing and accept, that you have stepped into a trap. With an open mind, one can replace the facts for the myth: That the addictive subastance is not a friend, but the worst enemy. If you understand that, the fighting is over, because if you know, that the substance is no help and no crutch, the desire just vanishes and one is free again.
This has already been done, and is readily available in book form. Check out Allen Carr's works.

Have fun going abroad

I wish i could contribute anything positive, but unfortunately i do believe that some people are beyond saving. Perhaps you distancing yourself might give them the "kick" they need, but most likely it will do nothing.

You're also not a therapist. Don't expect being able to actually help people who are that deep into their own shit.