in this thread i will try to find words for what i have seen in my journeys.

i will try to find words for my truth i find. this truth does need to be your truth to be true. as such it is unarguable.
please try not to take offense in what i claim to be true even if you think that truth is fundamentally different. your truth can be fundamentally different, and yet be true all the same.

please do not challenge my truth directly; but please feel free to ask any question you like, even if you think that the answer could


i will make one post per experience. i will edit my posts a lot during integration, but i will not edit anything once i made a new post.
the only exception is this opening post, witch i will edit whenever i feel its necessary.

the never ending story is one of the most important books ever written. i first heard it from a cassette when i was 6 it scared me to tears.
only now that i feel i completed one step on the journey i can start to understand it.




there is a god after all. but there are no ten commandments. there is no after life. no reward for suffering in this existence.
we where given a short span because this span short as it is already is to long for our world to sustain our species in unenlightened form.
if we as a species do not reach enlightenment, our species will die.

writing these words feel so strange. last week, i identified myself as orthodox atheist, but i can not deny it. my believe has changed.

i think i broke through into a room. it had no physical limitations like walls, yet it was defined in its size. there was a letter or a word in the center made of all colors.
i was every where in this room at once, i had no body.
and there was an entity. it was dancing around me in colors and movement. i do not understand how it could dance around me as i had no body or defined point of being but it did.
it took a while for me to realize it was my soul, dancing and i understood that all the color i see when vaping low doses of dmt is my dancing soul.



dmt is soul solvent.


the one hour long om chant i have is invaluable. it lets me keep track of time and helps me to keep a steady breathing rhythm. i feel the the vibrations of the om are good for my body.

songs i sang:
om
danke
bitte hilf mir stark zu sein und nur salat zu essen.

went very well. last time i sang something during an experience i ended up screaming it and pushed myself into a powerful mania for 90 minutes. no such thing this time.

i was sending to much to receive anything. this is fine.

this is so cool, i just learned throat singing. i tried to learn this before without any success, now i just started doing it.

i realized why its foolishness to give others the substance. to be ready for it, one has to have lost all wishes. a long journey is necessary to come to the point where dmt can be fully beneficial, and i fear if it is used prematurely one can never fulfill its full potential.
thus if we try to help others by showing them the destination we might hurt them. we must only show them the entry to the rabbit hole, but they have to find their way through it alone.

when i realized this i was like: i can NEVER translate this, i am going to have to write t his in german. then i forgot it - mostly, i remembered the gist but not the essence. now i could translate it. very satisfying.

at first there was one entity there, its was my soul
she showed me she is a girl.

then a second entity joined. i knew he joined i knew he was watching i do not know why; except for a very distinct radiation of presence i could not make out anything of the new one.

then, for the briefest moment, a quantum jump of time, the new entity showed me his body, his face its BEING

and i could not stop laughing
i could not stop screaming
screaming while laughing





this is not precisely a pice of trip report, but i just found this http://accesschinese.com...anyin/your-lot-today.php

my fortune read:


1. Translation from the Chinese ancient text

The fairy crane escapes from its cage so you can fly wherever you will. No corner of heaven is barred on your flight. Even to paradise or as far as you please.

2. The Meaning

In this scene, a fairy crane escapes from its cage so all things will turn out to be lucky. Everything is laid out for you and you may choose as you please. There is no danger. You should relax, take your time and never grumble. Your home is insecure so it is hard to settle down. To protect yourself, you should pray to god. Time is promising for business. Your wife will give birth to a baby son. In the autumn you may expect profits from farming and silk industry, but your domestic animals will suffer injury. An expected visitor will soon appear. Travelers will be delayed. Things lost can be found in the southeast. In lawsuits, better look for a peaceful compromise. Migration is highly recommended. If someone falls ill, the only remedy is to set up an altar to drive away the devils. No harm will come to your ancestral graves.


hum hum. i never believed in any of this. but now that i believe in some things i guess i can just start to believe in others too? it is a relay nice fortune after all.




dmt is a very strange substance. an experience should be stressful and tax the mind, yet i usually come out of an experience slowly like waking up from a nice dream on my own, without an alarm clock waking me. i feel less tired after an experience.
sadly, it only seems to work for my mind but not my body, and this is a problem. when my mind is not tired but my body is, it is difficult to give my body the rest it needs.

when i stared to meditate to prepare me for my last experience i started to see small dancing spots of color immediately.
during the meditation i learned a lot.

i said one needs to lose all wishes this was nonsense.
one needs to lose unhealthy wishes. wishes of greed or wishes for harm.
i found it almost impossible to not wish for something at the start of a journey. but i felt safety in the knowledge that these wishes i felt where good.


i had a very powerful experience last time again. i don't remember most of it. i think its possible i was in the same room again.
i know i laughed a lot and loud.
i know i was very convinced that i need to live a couple of days with my mother, and that she will be ready for this.
i knew god to be a girl.
i must be a relay strange neighbor these days. i make a LOT of noise.

Welcome to the nexus. Your intention in setting up this thread was to try and express verbally your experiences, and I just want to say youre doing a good job, especially as english is not your mother tongue. Sometimes this can actually be an advantage though, as conventional, grammatically correct language is often too restrictive to convey such an experience.

Ive also discovered throat singing through dmt (changa). Dont even really know what throat singing is supposed to sound like but I often felt compelled to make tones with my throat and was amazed, first by my ability to inflect these sounds with infinite subltlety, and secondly by the effect these sounds had on the experience. Felt like I was driving it. I too had some concern for my neighbours, as it was late at night, but couldnt resist doing it anyway.

Keep up the reports!

thank you ♥

yes i feel very strongly that not using my native language often is an advantage. my word pool is much smaller in English, and this forces me to keep my writings simple.

this is a chat copy and paste of my last experience.
the first part i wrote when still under a slight influence. its hardly decipherable but i do ont feel like changing it.

›this was so intense
›i medetatd and formulated my questoin
›i wanted to understand love
›when i came to the room
›for the first time i could understand the dook keeper
›it always takeld in jibbering
›this time his vise was clear
›i dont know what he told me
›but only when i showe i understood
›he let me in

the second part i wrote after 90minutes of meditation and light sleep

›so i understood the doorkeeper. i think i might remember now what he said, though it might just be wishful thinking. i think he told me my soul was sleeping and if i wanted to enter i had to do so without her protection
›that this could be overwhelming, and if i relay wanted this
›i carelessly agreed, and the door opened.
›i glimpsed my answer, and i immediately started laughing very hard
›i was kicked out of the room in an instant. i have no memory where i was beamed to.
›i was just laughing for the rest of the experience

Laughing is powerful! Using the voice is powerful!

I have heard this jibberish language which I seemed to understand. Funny, we speak different languages yet seem to understand this odd jibberish in hyperspace.

I enjoyed reading through this thread! I can relate all to much to everything you have wrote here. I am glad you are finding the humor in this cosmic joke!

well thank you dmnstr8!!

setting:

my room.

mind altering techniques:

om chant 5-10 minutes.
my -unspoken- mantra was: i want to learn, i want to understand, i want to become a catalyst.
i repeated this in my minds voice every 3 breath or so.

disposition (tool, lateralus 2001) 3x
wings for marie 1+2 (tool, 10000 days, 2006)

harmalas:
unknown quantity. decanted from ongoing rue extraction. enough to make me slightly trippy

dmt:
unknown quantity. light-medium dose.





experience:


i turned on the playlist i made containing a few choice picks of mine of tool.
its started with disposition. this song is such a power full guidance.
there where dancing entities present at first.
i was singing along from out of my lounges, interrupted from screams of : this is so good!, and: this is so far out!

at some point during the expedience another entity joined in. i was immediately sure it was a man listening to the same song wile preparing substrate for shrooms.
i said aloud:
mushroom man, can you hear me?
and he moved closer. i thought he would hear me.
so i kept saying in a loud and firm voice:
if you hear this, join dmt-nexus
i kept sending, when i stoped the entity was gone, witch is just as well.
my rational mind reject the implications.

i thought i had put the song on repeat but i had not.
i knew from previous experience that the tactile buttons of my mp3player (pause, skip/search) would probably elude me.
and they did.
but i had an affliction of clarity just long enough to make sense of the graphical interface to restart the song, and i was happy.


i did celebrate the song tree times. at this point my experience had begun to fade, the visuals where almost gone so where all presences.

i felt it was right to move to the next song and i listened - and understood for the first time - wings for Marie 1+2

it was very powerful.
even though i sang along the song loudly, i understood that my catalytic experience was over and it was now the learning part.
i think i understood quite a lot. nothing was purred into me. it was more like being spoon fed. whenever i had swallowed one piece, i was fed the next. it was very nice.


i cant sum up now what i took from the experience except of a lot of joy.
one thing that relay surprised me was that i got catalytic at all and at the beginning of the experience.
i thought i asked to learn and understand. the catalytic part i a goal i wish to reach sometime with enough understanding.

The synergy of this kind of vocalisation with the experience can be quite remarkable.

Perhaps you have looked into traditions of throat singing? Many traditions exist around the world.



This is a nice point. Perhaps it helps us to get down to the 'bare bones' of the experience? I was explaining a 50x psilocybin overdose horrortrip to a German friend the other day (in German) and it's a helpful exercise indeed.

But what will we do if our language skills improve?

well then we have to use our best judement to keep our language simple anyhow.
loanwords are called fremdwort in german, with translates to alienword.
i once read a great book, a quote of it was : "alienwords are called alienwords because they are alien to most people"
the book was The City of Dreaming Books iirc. great read.


oh and thank you very much for your kind reply!

setting:
my bed

mind altering techs:

om meditation
self programming. voiced thee wihishes. learning, understanding, joy
musik (tool, disposition on repeat)

harmals, orally, unknown quantities extracted fro a cook. its really working hahaha
dmt: unknown quantities. herbs started glowing.
i wanted to get the vapor out
but wen i pulled it glew relay hard
so i could not evacuate the pipe

duration:
unknown. 90minutes-120minutes of vivid hallucination

expirience:

i was screaming almot all the time as loud as i could words of gratitude to god.

thats mostly it. sure there was the really far out entry room. one presence, i like to call it my should, dancing.
when the scream overcame i could not pay attentions to visuals. it was all breathing, burning calories, sweating.
my feet feel so much better now you would not believe it.

setting:
my bed

mind altering techs:

om meditation
self programming. thee wishes: strength. joy. understanding.
musik (tool, disposition on repeat)

harmals, orally, unknown quantities

dmt: unknown quantities. low dose.



expedience:

i fleet my message came across true.
i was blessed whit understanding. i feel strengthen. i was happy.

i continued to lay in my blanked for a long time, to a point where the dmt trip was long over. i needed to sweat. i stopped the exercise when i felt overheating became a serious problem.

setting and dosage as usual, low-med dose of dmt

wishes: patience, strength, joy.
music: the patient

experience:
very powerful. though i had not asked for understanding, i was blessed with many insights.
i did not scream at all, i sometimes sang quietly along the song with my own lyrics.

its impossible to tell about anything i learned, except that i need to add gratefulness as last wish of my next experience and that this is very dangerous.
i am a bit scared, but i feel i have to do it.


serenity needs to be the first wish, joy the second.

setting and dosage as usual, amount of dmt has to be seen.

whishes:
gelassenheit, freude, dankbarkeit


musik: wings for marie 1


expirience:
sorry folks. no engish this time. needs to be german.

es war sehr sehr sehr gut.
ich habe einige sehr klare botschaften erhalten.
ich muss ein jahr blind werden. dies wird meine aphantasie heilen. die zeit ist reif. aphantasie hat mich gelehrt was sie zu lehren hatte. die große schwierigkeit wird sein zu lernen die den effect durch meditaion zu replizieren. i glaube zen buddhismus versucht genau dies.
die anderen botschaften konnte ich icht mitnehemen.