From a very young age I have been searching for the secrets of reality. I've went through many stages of understanding and systems. I've been perfecting my cosmogony and do think I know the answers to these big questions which I am looking forward to sharing. Philosophically I am a rationalist and an idealist.

With each new piece of the puzzle, one thing leading to another, I am here. I think it's fate that I learned of DMT. I recently discovered Terrence Mckenna. His grand system is almost exactly the same as mine. He is missing one important detail however which I will elaborate in a separate post. There was a detail lacking in my system as well... DMT. He's one of the greatest men to ever live, right up there with Leibniz.

I want to try DMT with the hopes that It can help me learn the contingent details of reality that I've yearned to know for so long. A second reason that I want to try DMT is because I'm hoping it help me with some personal issues like disillusionment and being unsatisfied with life.

I'm currently addicted to strong prescription opiates. I have been tapering off of it rapidly over the course of the last two months. Its likely going to take several more months to completely wean myself. I'm very motivated. I've done a lot of damage to my body... enough is enough.

My favorite show of all time is "Legend of the Seeker". My favorite music includes A Perfect Circle, Tool, The Doors, Pink Floyd, Queen of the Damned Soundtrack, Alice in Chains, Stone Temple Piolets and more.

My Briggs personality type is INTJ.

I don't often like the company of people who are very different from myself. I don't like loud people. I consider most people mundane and have a hard time having meaningful interactions with them. I normally just stay to myself because of this.

I've had a very strange and traumatic life. I have cptsd from decades of unfortunate events. I choose to go no contract with my entire family a year ago. My life has gotten better after the no contact. I have a loving husband and children now. They are all the family I have. My husband was the first person that I've ever felt connected to.

I've not tried DMT but am very interested. I would like to continue learning about a bit before anything.

Welcome to the nexus!

I am sorry to hear that life has be difficult for you. I feel that these difficulties can make you a strong person if you allow them to empower you. You survived and here you are! Good for you!

I wish you the best in your healing process! DMT will not be a cure all. The healing happens in the here and now. Be as present as you can and forgive as best you can those that have done you wrong. I can relate to poor family relationships. What I found worked for me was forgiving. Severe the cord that binds you to the pain. It can be possible to establish a new kind of relationship with family on your terms. You are allowed to change and become whatever you want in this life. Don't let the past define you. Allow the past to teach you and build you up. Empower yourself with the present moment and look for the beauty in all things, including those who have done you wrong.

I am glad that you feel a pull towards DMT. I am happy that you discover Terence McKenna. He was a very special human being for sure.

Thanks for being here and please make yourself at home. Learn. Share. Expand.

I don't think free will is true. For this reason I try to have some understanding in my heart over the matter with my family. In a way the experience had made me stronger and in a way it hasn't. As bad as my life was for so long however, I don't know if I would have the same understanding of reality if it were otherwise. It was a domino effect that started when I was just a child.

I went no contact with my family purely for self protection. My mother is highly manipulative. Since childhood, she has made up stories about me to influence people's actions around me. This is why I cut contact with the rest of my family as well. I try to forgive some of them. Its really not their fault they are so easily suggestible and often just doing what they think is right. Furthermore when I came out about the abuse from my mother, they did not believe me. She has untreated borderline personality disorder that causes her to gaslight, scape goat and manipulate. Since going no contact, she has not changed. I know this because she's contacted some people I know. She has no intention of making things right. If I were to speak to her or anyone under her influence, I would be afraid of her trying to get revenge on me in some conniving way like trying to frame me for a crime or who knows what. This is actually typical to the untreated borderline parent. The same things have happened to many children that, I've found.

If I knew for a fact she had changed and for the right reasons, I would definately have a relationship with her and my family. Its natural to have some connection with ones mother. I don't think that will happen though because she's been this way for so long but who knows?

Thanks for welcoming me to the forum.

Free will = illusion
Everything unfolds in perfect and divine order, here, now.