Hi,

i dont think i will participate much in this community but i really need to know something.
Thats why i created an account here.

I orally took DMT together with an MAO inhibiter some months ago and this was the worst experience by far in my life. Since then i have trouble to enjoy life and have existential thoughts all the time. I also have increased consciousness but its uncontrolled so i think all the time about thinking and stuff.
i still have times where i feel fine and experience love but only sometimes.
I honestly need to know if there are people out there that dealt with the same kind of problems after a DMT experience but solved them and have a happy life now.
If you indeed did this transition please tell me.
This would mean so much for me.
Thanks in advance

Hello avardron, and welcome to the nexus.

No, I have not had a similar experience to yours, but please be patient and if someone can offer you any help, I believe they will.

It is up to you, but maybe you could feel free to write more here and tell of your experiences as you wait for others to respond.

Sometimes just writing of your experiences can help you a little. And it might give a potential helper more information to go on.

I will hope, for your sake, that someone will have something to offer, but if they don't, they don't. Everyone here seems to be as generous as they possibly can be, in my experience.

Best of luck, and hang in there.

Could you be more specific about the type of MAOI used, whether you used other psychedelics and/or cannabis or anything that could interfere with your experience (e.g. anitdepressants)?

Also dosage information would be helpful as well as why the experience was "the worst". Did you had some terrible visions or experienced terror? Or something else?

I would advice looking for a professional help. Your symptoms may range from just overthinking, ego desperately trying to gain control (which can create the problems), or even psycho-spiritual crisis.

Hello and thank you for taking your time to answer.
No i didnt combine it with anything else, the maoi i used was powdered syrian rue.
I drank it before and with the DMT.
Im not exactly sure how much DMT it was, the scale showed 80mg but in hindsight this scale could have been inaccurate. I know i didnt treat DMT with enough respect and i was really stupid but i cant change that now...
So i may took a dose that was too high.
I can try to write a bit about the eperience but my english inst that good:

It started with a sound that was increasing in vibration till it reached a threshold and it stopped or at least i couldnt hear it anymore.
then slowly i felt going into another world but visually only slight increasing in intensity of colors and just a diffrent feeling overall.
Then i lay down in my bed and was listening to icaros on youtube.
i slowly lost track of time and closed my eyes.
Then i experienced some type of mud or sludge but with all senses, i saw it bubbling and i smelled it and i felt like i was it.
i still could think and i remember thinking that ayahuasca shows me the overconsumption
i see and participate in each day. that i consume too much and unhealthy.
after this i cant remember well for a longer period just glimpses of my mind traveling through the universe seeing everything there is to see and to get revealed some kind of code of life.I know that it is a stupid interpretation but thats how the horror started.
At this moment i thought i know everything and saw everything and so i started to think that now after i took this powerful substance i wont find any more joy in life because there is nothing more to find and discover and i started to regret taking it.
this got worse and worse and i couldnt think about anything else and again and again i thought i will be like this forever, i took DMT and now its too late and my whole life is ruined. At one point the trip started to change and everything started to feel funny and i started to laughing in my bed and everything was pure fun. i think i experienced the cosmic joke.
But then i got back to my previous thoughts for another long time jsut a few moments where i was feeling love and thinking about my family and that loving them is all i need to do.
But overall when the trip slowly faded i felt awful and still had the thoughts that my life is ruined.
Since then its hard for me to concentrate and have a clear mind.
Its also hard for me to find motviation for my studies and to be curious about things.
I think too much and feel helpless, but not always, there are also times i feel great and be hopeful, but i still cant endure the bad phases of the day.
I talked to a guy who was a psychologists and took all kinds of drugs and he told me i need to ground myself and dont necessary need a psychotherapy.
But i felt like he couldnt really help me and it often is so hard to get through the day.
i just want to be happy and live a good life but i dont know how

I didnt took any drugs since then besides alcohol and coffee and wont change that.
thanks for reading

What you are presented with here is a classic opportunity for rebirth. Think of it this way...

Are you still the same person you were before you took the sacrament? If not, how so? What is bringing this change?

If it's coming back to the thought that your life was over from that one moment again and again, you can accept that. From that point you might consider that the old you is no more. It cannot be undone. You cannot unsee the things you have seen, but would you really not want to be the new you? Is that even possible? You are older and wiser. Difficulty in life tempers our spirits and makes us better people. Let go of the old you. Embrace the new you. Accept. Release. Move forward.

We have not seen all there is to see and don't understand the intrinsic nature of the universe, we have just had a tiny glimpse inside. The world is so much more complicated and involved than we are lead to believe as young people. The nature of the universe is infinitely more vast than understood by science and the nature of God so much more meaningful and deep reaching than explained by any religion. Somewhere in the swirl of all this chaos we stand looking out, perceiving just a little and trying to make sense of it. But our reality remains that we live in a paradigm. What we know creates our normality. You have just experienced a paradigm shift, that is all. You can now perceive a tiny fraction more of the cosmos than before, but it has caused you to doubt everything else. Don't doubt it. Everything you know is still as it was, you just perceive it slightly differently.

After big shifts like this I've been scattered for a while too. It can take a while to figure it all out again. It's perfectly normal with these sort of experiences. Many of the people here have experienced this many times. You are not alone. The way you feel is normal considering what you experienced. Everything will seem normal again in time.

Do not worry, reject your racing mind. Focus on this reality. Eat, run, sang and dance, talk to people, listen, be present. The things you saw are not your working reality, don't dwell on them. For all intents and purposes they do not exist. You are really here though. So be here.

Yes. I have.

My bad one was induced by a glob of Syrian Rue reduction and 4 grams of dried psilocybin mushrooms. I thought I was going to die, and by the time it was over, I wanted to. I faced god, but ran from him, so he chased me. I was comfortably living in a world of some ambiguous form of spiritual Atheism. I had rejected the religion of my upbringing. I couldn't have god chasing me around. He didn't exist. I had frequent panic attacks, one of which landed me in the ER because I thought my heart was going to give out.

But I dug in and resolved that I would get to the bottom of it and fight, knowing full well that likely I would have to find myself right back there in the same hell I was that night. But I made baby steps. I read all the good books I could find, including many on spirituality. I eventually figured out, though it's obvious now, that I was experiencing a crisis of faith. I visited with a Jungian trained therapist. And after time, I began to improve. I learned how to control my panic attacks by surrendering to them. If I could say to the panic attack, "give me more", it would instead retreat. I had to deliberately ask for more of what I was terrified of for it to go away.

Then I seemed to plateau on my improvement. I'm sure many people live out their lives fairly comfortable in the place I found myself in at this plateau. I could have continued on living at least. But I still wasn't WELL. It was time to heed the call. It was time to revisit the depths of hell to uncover what I found there and try to accept it.

4 sessions of Ayahuasca with a trained Shaman healed me of my anxiety issues. I no longer have to smoke MJ to fall asleep every night. And I am no longer as fearful of seeking out WHAT IS. I know better who I am and what my life's purpose is.

In summary, you are experiencing some sort of spiritual or existential crisis. The DMT pealed back the veil and you saw things you weren't prepared to see. Dark pieces of shadow were released from your psyche and the veil reappeared before the two parts of you could merge again.

You have essentially been split in two. You are now aware of the KNOWN self, and the UNKNOWN self. And the KNOWN part is afraid of the UNKNOWN part because it's not KNOWN. First accept that you are someday going to have to once again face the UNKNOWN to merge with it, which will make some of the UNKNOWN known, and teach the KNOWN to stop being afraid of the parts that are still UNKNOWN, which will be what ultimately heals you. You need to learn that the shadowy UNKNOWN is YOU. You are only afraid of yourself.

So never fear! These are but growing pains in this great adventure of life. Growth is inevitable. Therefore, it's just time that you need. But you are free to speed up the process if you can learn to say "No" to your fear.

-Jupitor


P.S. A fun read about this very thing is "The Wizard of Earthsea". Look it up.

Thanks for your answers i really appreciate them