Hi everyone. Looking forward to some responses on this one. New member and wanted to get this one off my chest early.
I encountered a strange experience this time last year. We were having a party with close friends and taking various drugs - Ketamine, Weed, MDMA. I have taken these drugs many of times and have never had an encounter like this one.
It was coming towards the end of the evening and I was feeling fragile and ‘floaty’. The last remaining people (4 of my close friends) smoked a joint and watched a David Attenborough documentary. I couldn’t concentrate and I was overwhelmed with the weed that has triggered overthinking and general vulnerable feelings.
As i sat there watching, my friend led next to me (Jay) and the others sat to my left, I felt like i was being spoken to in my mind. I conversed with it asking wether it was real, and my friend to my right began moving his arms as if to say it was him. I checked with it again to assure I wasn’t just imagining things. At first I thought it was friendly and that my friend was talking to me through our minds.
It began changing its friendly tone and my friend began weirdly moving with what it was saying to me. Actioning that it wanted money or for me to perform sexual acts. I laughed inside my mind at first generally thinking ‘Fuck off’. It wouldn’t leave. Getting angrier and angrier and feeding off my thoughts that I may have to do what it wanted.
I’m not a strong person physically or mentally. However Jay is VERY strong physically and much larger than me, which made me quite scared. It started touching my Penis and it felt like an sucking sensation. I had to keep nudging it away. Almost forcing me to enjoy. However, I have no sexual attraction to males, and this encounter just made that more clear to me.
It was telling me that I could enhance special forces and powers if I gave it money or performed these acts. It did not give me an option to say no. I wanted to end my life there and then but it made me think that was a cowards option. I was weak in this moment and kept thinking if i just let it do something sexually it will leave me alone. I was disgusted at the thought that I was considering this, but it was the complete opposite and fed off my thought of consideration.
I was almost crying and felt so weak and vulnerable. I told it I would perform whatever it wanted to. I told my friend to come to the bathroom with me, and followed without hesitation. I closed the door, stood there and told him do what you have to do. He did nothing and acted confused. We went back to the sofa where we were and I was looking at my friends to see if they would notice I was discomforted, I didn’t dare say anything. Every time I spoke to them or tried to gage contact, the ‘demon’ that I felt was inside my friend or WAS my friend, would move his hands like a puppeteer and they would look away, literally like he had them on strings. It was scary to see and I didn’t want to be part of it anymore.
However the demon/Jay now just wanted me to want him, as a partner, as a lover. And i did not. It implied to me that if i did not commit to this ‘relationship’ that he would damage me, break bones (which i could feel the sensation of), hurt those that I loved. It crumbled me. And by this point they were leaving and I felt like if i didn’t say anything to ‘prove’ my love for the demon/Jay before he left, then It would do the bad things it said it would do. In an act of desperation I looked Jay in the eye and told him i had feelings for him. Knowing inside how ridiculous this would sound to Jay and knowing i had absolutely no feelings for the guy whatsoever. I also begged Jay to stay (which was fucking weird, I just didn’t want anything to happen to me or my loved one) and wanted to figure something out with this demon/Jay.
They left.
And it all hit me, how real the situation was, how scared I was, how I didn’t know what this actually all meant.
I told my 2 closest friends that night whilst in tears. They didn’t believe it was real and told me to forget; that something like that wasn’t possible. However, after reading similar stories, part of me believes this experience was very real. I want to know what it was, and by acting the way I did have I done wrong. I know I should’ve stood up to this being and taken no shit. but it all felt so real and a life or death situation and I felt very inferior.
I feel like I have crossed a line by accepting to do things with this demon. HAVE I??. But since then I would never accept such offers, and have felt encounters like this creeping back in, especially on 2cb which I have only done a couple of times, but i have ignored and diverted away from what i think is the source (which still comes from Jay may I add).
I hope I can reach a conclusion, as sometimes I feel as if my soul is almost tainted and that this holds me back from living in the moment. I regularly feel disconnected from social groups that I am with.
I want to grow out of this way of thinking.