psilo,

by killing your feelings you will be left even more dead inside. it is the "fast and easy" solution - which in the end leads to negative consequnces. think about taking heroin... it will only relieve the withdrawal symptoms partialy and temporarily but at the same time cause them again and again with every other dose.

The other, fun and healthy way is to realize, that success with women is a skill that can be learned. there is a whole community of pick up artists that dedicate their lives to attracting women. not all of these are morally recomendable... sticking to the golden rule of "treat others as you wish to be treated" still applies here (remember: shortcuts lead to negative consequences "make it as simple as possible, but not simpler".

it is not about persuading girls to sleep with you, but to naturally attract them, to be yourself and the best version of yourself, as much as possible and minding some cornerstones of male/female interaction.

imagine a healthy, content, self-reliable and motivated version of yourself... wouldn't you have a much higher choice of women and would "that only one" you grieve about still be sooooo interesting?

start working on yourself today. 5 push ups are enough. one smile at a stranget is enough but start to be the change in the world that you like to see. and success with women will follow.


for fitness:
7minute workout

for pickup:
neill strauss and seduction community sucks

for healthy relationships:
cupid's poisoned arrow, marnia robinson

for addiction issues:
any fitting book by allen carr (eg. "no more alcohol"

for a ethical way of living:
hua hu ching or any tyoe of ethical system that fits you

for female psychology:
the female brain, louann brizendine

so, instead of crippling yourself, grow yourself

332211,

Believe it or not, i have no difficulty talking to women. Over the years, i've realised that there were plenty of encounters where women have displayed interest into getting intimate. I'm either too oblivious, or totally unfazed by their advances. Mostly the former. With the latter, it's usually personality traits that turn me off.

Here's an example. When i was in high school, i went to an all boys high school. I also went to extra tuition (as is typical of any Asian household). That tuition place was co ed. There was this one girl there, who was very, very attractive, charismatic and clearly the most popular girl in her school. I didn't understand why at the time, but she would always try to sit next to me. She'd also leave me notes, and throw paper balls at my head to catch my attention, where she would point at herself, make a heart symbol with her hands, then point at me. I didn't get it. Why was an extremely popular and attractive girl into me? I was a goofy looking, very pimply teenager. You could grate cheese on my face, that's how bad it was. I realised several years later why she was into me. I was the class clown. Every class, i'd make the entire class burst into laughter multiple times. I was also not quite normal. I'd stack pen lids on top of each other, and create this gigantic tower of lids that were over 30cm long, and i'd write with that. Pen weights, i'd call 'em. I'd also set up my shrine on my desk every class, comprised of a plastic figurine of Mr Teeny from The Simpsons riding a unicycle. And i'd constantly sniff Vicks Vaporub like some sort of junkie. I even gave it a joke street drug name. My bizarreness was attractive to her. She would ignore all the jocks who were trying to be macho, cause i guess they're predictable (i.e. they just wanna get laid).

Then came university. I developed extreme existential crises, on a second-by-second basis. Suffice to say, i didn't make people laugh anymore. There was a point where i didn't utter a single word for 3 months. I was just observing, these human specimens. Their behaviours, their mannerisms, their demeanour, what they value, and how they spend their very limited time on earth. This was the case for the majority of my uni life. Also, she came into my life early on in uni, so there's that.

Nowadays, when i go to parties (which is rarely), i don't remember anyone i met. And yet, everyone remembers me. Being put on the spot when meeting one of these people outside of the party is quite the task. The women at these parties are pretty stunning looking. But i don't really care about that. After a particular DMT experience, the first thing i notice about people is their skeletons. Not that easy to get a boner over a skeleton (ba dum tshhh). I also talk very bluntly, concisely and aloofly. Unless the conversation is riveting, i look and act very disinterested. Mainly cause I AM disinterested. When they start talking about boring crap, my brain zones out. I last about 30 seconds before i walk away without notice. I've been confronted later by very flustered women (who were clearly in heat). "Why'd you walk away? I was talking to you" they say. "I got bored" i say, and then i walk away again. I'm not trying to be rude, it's just how i am. My brain literally hurts when i hear banal endless small talk.

I think it's safe to say that many guys who aren't confident with women would be confused, irritated or downright infuriated by the way i pass up women who metaphorically (and on occasion, literally) spread their legs open in front of me.

Dealing with that loss of love has left me scarred and apathetic. I don't care about forming romantic relationships, and i don't see how that feeling can be revived. But hey, anything can happen. Lately, i've been opening my heart up a little bit, and am open to starting something. But most women i meet are pretty shallow, so i'd have to do some serious searching. Since i can't be bothered doing that, i'll just go with the flow, and see what happens.


PS: I'll take a look at the links you posted, maybe they can help me resurrect my long dead love.

thanks for the insights, psilo! showing "disinterest" in women is a mayor turn on for them because they are not used to it ^^ ->novelty ->attraction.

sorry, but do you fap a lot? this usually throws brainvcemistry mayourly out of balance, depression, anhedonia and anxiety come with that.

cool! you'll definitly get something out of those books, they are all jewels of knowledge.

I try not to, but occasionally i'll give in. However, there were periods in my life where it would be a daily thing (sometimes multiple times a day), and it was sooo draining. Sorta leaning towards the tantric side, that focuses on preserving the mojo.

Remember that old meme; "2/10, would not bang"?

That's you, that is.

Why not pull your finger out and stop pandering to your precious delusions?

Easy for me to say, I know, but there it is.

You can't force attraction. That defeats the purpose. It does make sense to be more open to many different kinds of women, but i would not want to waste my time with "useless" women either. The actual and potential downside is simply higher than staying single.



Not the whole story. If a beautiful woman shows interest in you and you're not interested..that's interesting. But if you're just a unattractive joe schmo to her and you're not showing interest..she's relieved because she doesn't have to shoot you down.

You miss my point;

I think the OP is holding women to standards that he himself is unwilling to meet.

I think the best remedy is for him is to allow himself to forgo the passive aggression he holds toward women, and understand that women are not bad, or shallow, or "useless" as you so charmingly put it, but rather ill suited to him.
Matching people is like matching food with wine. It takes knowledge and and experience.

We've all (or many of us have) been involved in romantic train-wrecks before. We learn from them and, while understanding that they might happen again, move onward and upward.

So you would conclude that unattractive men should accept unattractive women?



No women are not, but some def. are. If you have never met them, you are certainly blessed.

Although he describes his strange and rude behaviour at parties as being somehow irresistible to women, that seems quite unlikely to me, and I would have thought that they would be more likely to find it charmless, and yet womankind is held accountable for an ordinary reaction to his unordinary behaviour.

"I can't get a girlfriend/my heart is broken, so all the women I meet are shallow/slags/sluts/crypto-nazis/vampires, etc.", aka "2/10, would not bang". It's an old story, and we've all been there, but we do not have to stay there any longer than is necessary.

Psilosopher?,

What is wrong with being a sack of bones? Sometimes agony is part of life. Be careful to not agonize yourself even more by your efforts to avoid agony. The inner conflicts often tend to wear down all by themselves as you grow older.

It may perhaps not alleviate your pains, but in hope it lightens up you mood and brings a smile to the moment, have some U.G.:

MIND IS A MYTH

I hold passive aggression towards women? I'm just not interested in people that aren't interesting. There are shallow and "useless" (i don't like that term) people everywhere. Is it a crime to want to commune with people who resonate with you?



My "strange and rude behaviour" is from my lack of social awareness. My mind does it's own thing, and my body follows along. I did not say i was irresistible, i was just saying that it seemed to appeal to a certain type of person. I've seen that some very attractive women like strangeness, since it's different from all the jocks trying to get into their pants. Anything different is refreshing.

I notice things at parties (and social settings in general), since i'm often silent and observing. Guys will often "accidentally" glimpse at a womans chest. The more drunk one is, the longer the glimpse, to the point where it becomes a stare.

I don't care to stare or even glimpse at a woman's chest. This unrequited love has defeated any notion of attraction or sexuality within me. I look at people's eyes, because i can't be bothered pursuing sexuality any more, and out of respect.


"I can't get a girlfriend/my heart is broken, so all the women I meet are shallow/slags/sluts/crypto-nazis/vampires, etc.",

Ahhhh, the strawman fallacy.

It's more like "My heart is broken, AND most of the women i've met (which is not a lot), are predominantly shallow". That's a fact. I'm not one of those white knights who complain that their chivalrous acts don't get them laid. I'm just cold and dead on the inside.

I haven't met nearly as many women as many of my friends, who are either in relationships or can start one relatively quickly. I can't open myself up anymore. "Once bitten, twice shy".

Love.. sure. Shallow people, uninteresting, unreal.. sure. But some day, soon, you will get tired of talking about it.. and move on.

In what direction you will go from there is anybody's guess, and of no particular importance but to you, and at last, only you.

Try not to make generalizations about people. Not even about individuals in the singular. It is like flicking your cigarette out the car window; the cherries flying back in.

Age. It's imperative that you remind yourself just how young you still are. That's something to be happy about.

Maybe you are looking in the wrong places ?

eg: Youll be much more likely to meet women who are into books in a library than a nightclub.

I find this behaviour rude too, but it also shows social dominance, independence and is...a refreshing contrast to the endless amnounts of spineless men women usually encounter. It makes total sense from a standpoint of evolutionary psychology and also matches my personal experience (albeit quite limited..i was shocked too at first).

Not wanting to get with shallow women does not need to be a reaction to frustration. On the contrary, frustration often leads to lowering standards and becoming unhappy in destructive relationships. What i would think.

I had completely given up on the whole idea when I met the love of my life. Just let go of these pointless thoughts - which, believe me, I know is easier said than done - and you may well be surprised at the results, especially if you are able to frame your wishes in a positive manner.

Liberate your desires!

Many women tend to act dumber than they realy are, whenever they encounter insecure men. Because they don't want to hurt the male ego. This is probably because of cultural programming.

Women are not more shallow than men. It's just that intelligence, like a fit body, is generally seen as attractive, by many women. Therefore, many men feel insecure when they meet intelligent women, because it makes them feel less attractive.

So to spare our precious ego, women generally tend to act dumber than they are.

Kratom is known to minimize sexual desire, and can act as an anti-depressant when used responsibly.

Have you looked into Alchemy/Transmutation of Chakra energies? Don't repress, transmute! Maybe your energy is simply stuck in your lower Chakras. IME, the more meditation/Tai Chi/Chi Gong I do, the less sexual I feel, and the more interested in spiritual matters I become.

Lucid Dreaming is also a great way to shift your attention into the mental/spiritual realms. By saving your sexual energy, you can use it to explore your perception.

Also, check out Carlos Castaneda's Stalking exercises and Not-doings. They're a great way to reduce self-importance, discover unhealthy behavior patterns, disrupt your routines, and expand your perception.

Eliminating sex drive and the need for pair bonding reminds me of a guy who wanted to be a eunuch but didn't have the balls. He thought rejection was the cause of his state of being but the truth was his problem was much deeper. In time he healed himself and went on to live a wonderful life.

He was the first person I can recall mentioning Carl Jungs wounded healer. I don't know how to really help, I think only you can put this behind you , move on, be here now, not in the past.

I think in time you will heal too.

Hi, friend, nice name change

There are a number of substances that are very healthy for you, and will negatively impact your libido and may help your cause.

Reishi, Shitake, Lions Mane, Hericium, Centella, Curcuma, Milk Thistle, Sulforaphane.



I can't really link studies, but you can search around reddit/r/nootropics and will find a hell lot of anecdotal and even more scientific reports on the matter.



As a disclaimer, I have not read the 3 pages yet. I will do it in the following weeks as my inflammation is gone and I can use my brain properly now - and think clearly.
I kinda disagree with your attitude and goal, but it's your life.

Was this intentional? Cos it's a great one