I'll try to keep this brief so as not to lose anyones attention. I started experimenting with various entheogens back when I was a teen and managed to get at least 500 doses of LSD into me over the next few years. Kept at it for quite some time in different combinations. I learned alot in those days and spent mnay occassions by myself and worked on the mind. Over the years I, like many people I knew, started to hit partying pretty hard and did a lot of travelling and genreally having a great old time. Over this period the entheogens were gradually replaced with harsher more "social" substances at plenty of events such as metal, hip hop shows and plenty of raves and afterhours clubbing.

This is probably enough of that aspect of my life but I should mention I never lost sight of my hobbies, intrests or career. I finally slowed down this breakneck torrent of abuse (never addicted to anything just compulsive - except cigarrettes) by the time I was 27 or so and settled down. Family, job and social life all intertwined with the occasional party every so often as time permitted. Over this time entheogens had been relegated to a past life almost, this and the fact that they just were not as abundant nor was there a desire to seek them out.

Enter mid thirties. This molecule had caught my attention and I cannot remember exactly how but do remember reading that it would find me...For two years I did my homework and became more and more curious to the point of actually studying and realizing a real need inside my psyche to begin registering much of what I had learnt as a young adult. Maturity had done a little to have me scratch my head and desire to open my mind with all the knowledge gained over the years. I have seen a lot in this lifetime. I had gathered all of the tools and was preparing to put my newfound knowledge to the test.

Early this year tragedy struck my family in the worst way when our eldest child was killed in an avoidable accident caused by reckless behaviour. Needless to say we have been devestated. Grief over this sort of loss is unimaginably horrid. A few months after this incident my mind began to wonder what, if any, healing might be attained through entheogens as clearly the drinking was not working and becoming a distraction, worsoning grief. We are strong people but were brought to our knees. Filling out the various perscriptions handed to us easily was not an option as I have witnessed first hand how these pills ruin lives for years after the intended purpose is long forgotten or perhaps amplified.

Fast forward - first extraction. Nervous trepidation almost overwhelms as the first attempt goes down. Awed is not an apt description although much of what happened was fast and confusing. Over the next few days a noticeable feeling of wellness and adaptability had joined my grief and enabled a clearer thought process. A few weeks later another attempt was made. Feelings were not numbed or altered yet I found things easier to deal with, and was confronted with loving beings trying to communicate messages.

I'm going to avoid going into full blown recounting of the experiences but will mention that there is definately a healing compound in this realm one enters and the communication is unassailable. Even the harshest of experiences that one occasionally comes accross contain many tools that one is able to work with. My mind has not weakened but had gotten stronger. We have a newfound measuring stick through which we are able to realize what we have always felt spiritualy. I have read many of the debates raging over whether these experiences are all within our own headspace or if external influences are indeed being percieved and I can say wihtout hesitation that the latter is the most probable case for us as contact has been made with those on the other side(s). We are completely humbled and have a better understanding of the confusion that this experience of "life" is or should be. I might add that I have many other experiences to measure this against, including the reality bending shift that Sally forces on you.

I have recently also began work with LSD for the first time in years and have rediscovered with the aid of spice how to rearm the brain to deal with life and not hide from it. The work that has been done is far from over but some meassure of ejoying life has returned, with the knowledge that this might all be a trip we have put ourselves on from someplace else.

I have this place to thank and all of the members for tirelessly assisting throughout this process and am forever grateful. First extraction went off without a hitch and have been getting great returns ever since. Next step is work with the vine.

So in a nutshell I am truly grateful for this experience as it has helped immeasurably in our process and knocked many of the confusing and dreadful parts of life into perspective. Looking forward to discussing and not lurking from here on in.

Chiao.

I am very sorry to hear of your loss of a family member. I can not begin to imagine the sad emotions that I am sure you have been dealing with. Please accept my condolences regarding this tragedy you have experienced.

I would like to welcome you to the site.

Welcome
PEACE
MV

I can't even begin to think what your mind has been through in the past year, but you have much respect from me for taking different measures to deal with it all. I've seen many people go down long hard roads of no return when dealing with such a severe loss. I truly believe in DMT as a healing power and I'm so glad you finally found it.

Glad to have you here

Welcome to the nexus OnthePath. I too moved into the realm of recreational substances, raves, hip hop shows etc. And I hit that road hard for a few years. I'm 28 now and I've started to calm down also. I still love the music, but I'm enjoying life at a much slower pace now, and I've got alot more inner peace and calm than I used to, but I still have a long way to go.

I don't have children, so I can only begin to imagine what it's like to lose a child. I have lost a loved one recently myself also. It's just gone a year since my Dad died, which was a shock, totally out of the blue, and it was me who found him. It's taken alot of the last year to sink in, but I'm okay, and my journey continues.

I've changed alot in the last few years, I've calmed down a hell of alot. I've found alot of new things which have enriched my life, and now I'm on the road to spice.

I'm expecting my first load of rootbark soon, and will go ahead and do my first extraction, and have my first taste of spice. The whole process has been made infinitely easier thanks to the nexus. I know I've found the right place, and so have you.

Peace,

Macre.

OnthePath,

Wow. I am humbled by your report. It resonates very deeply with me. Though i have absolutely no idea at all what you have been through i feel the pain of the challenging and horrible tests and curve-balls that life has thrown your way.

You wrote





I know about this, but just add five more years or so. Partying a lot when young, then slowing down/stopping as one "grows up," then one starts to see the end of or move out of one's prime and thoughts begin to focus on the past and the future. The past looks fun, energetic and idyllic. The future looks a bit grimmer to put it mildly. This is an inadequate and incomplete way of describing what I call the midlife crisis.

But then you wrote:


I could write about this paragraph for 50 or more pages. Every time I read every word and sentence of it, I feel a tremendous resonance. The most important members of my family (to me) burned to death about a week before my 19th birthday. There's no way to soften this truth, just as there is no way to soften the truth that you have shared about your child. So, when I read every sentence of your paragraph above, my mind simply sighed, "Yeah."

I was moved and inspired when you wrote the following:


I quietly, humbly and respectfully re-iterate, though this time with a sparkle in my eye and a half-smile on my face, "Yeah." What you are writing about is the REAL DEAL. It is where the rubber meets the road. There is and can be no bullshit factor here. The healing really is there, even in the rougher and more challenging experiences. What I personally like is coming from a background of brutal, rock-solid, hard-core and ice-cold atheism and skepticism. For close to 30 years. Enter DMT. The real deal does not ask for or demand FAITH. The real deal does not dictate a lifestyle, but it offers subtle and not-so-subtle pointers and guidances. The real deal does not offer a book written by archaic men. It is in plants, animals and US. It offers us high-energy, undeniable, profound DIRECT EXPERIENCE.


Your final points


I too have begun (just recently) working with mushrooms and LSD again. I have my ayahuasca ingredients together, but not my shit (set, setting, intention and problems with teeth involving multiple surgical extractions). Though nothing compares to the spice, the gorgeous LSD and psilocybin/psilocin (Heh, heh, phosphorlated DMT, right?) molecules have a lot of healing and insights to learn from. Sometimes the healing is so simple and therapeutic. You can and will be able to laugh deeply again. I promise. It will be authentic and felt throughout your entire being.

Part of my healing and educational process (with DMT as my teacher) has been to understand that there is something deep going on in reality/the Universe that cannot be accessed or touched by science - we cannot yet control those levels of energy. Each and every single particle within what we call physical reality is INFINITE. Truly differentiating things like particles from energy is and has been a stretch for quite awhie now. Consciousness is something more than the sum of the parts of the neural nets in our heads. I am not sure how to explain the next step but I have come to believe deep in my soul and being that consciousness is truly infinite. It did not begin with our births here on Earth. Our conscious lives in these bodies is a bizarre (yet wonderful) sort of shadow of the real thing. I like to call it slow-time, low-energy and zero-information. It's like trying to explain what the shadow of a 4-D object, such as a tesseract might look like in our 3-D reality. I believe our conscious, physical manifestations in life are like the shadow of that tesseract. We have always been in an infinite place, part of us is there now, it is where we will return when we shed the veil and these physical bodies. DMT has taught me through direct experience (never asked me for faith, never, thus I am comfortable almost "praying" before seeking more learning from the spice) that consciousness survives the death of the body.


Thank you again for sharing. It is not easy navigating the curves in the path that life gives us. You do seem to be OnthePath and I hope you will be comfortable sharing your process with us as it unfolds. This is a supportive and understanding community, yet (and I love this) it will not hesitate to push and challenge you . . .

Peace & Love,
Pandora

Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to read this, and respond. This molecule truly has had a hand in the healing process. It's very hard to try and communicate this to anyone outside of...well, here. We have managed to find a strange balance at times between joy & sorrow. The reality of knowing that the here and now is temporary helps with the grief. Funny how an initial search for answers really reveals a search for more questions - not answers.

The importance of this journey on our plane/dimension is still unknown however there must be a reason and one day that will reveal itself. In the meantime I suppose we should do our best to not sweat the little things and take a deep breath to smell the roses.

Just last week I was rather stressed and decided to make an attempt - with little to no good coming from it initially. I was confronted with my own frustrations and behaviour. I went to bed and thought about all of the things that I was stewing over and made decisions to lighten up for various reasons. The next night I tried again and was confounded by the experiences I had - wonderful. The reset button had been pushed and really the work happened the night before after I had been barred entry and forced to work on myself.

Whatever the reason for all of this we aren't mere passengers. Thanks again for the kind words. This place is truly a different one in the wilderness that is the "net".

Hello OnthePath, thank you for sharing your journey, I'm much younger and less developed "on the path", and your thoughts have been very insightful. "The importance of this journey on our plane/dimension is still unknown however there must be a reason and one day that will reveal itself. In the meantime I suppose we should do our best to not sweat the little things and take a deep breath to smell the roses."
This insight is something I'll try to remind myself often during life's various trials and tribulations, though I have experienced NOTHING like what you and your family must have experienced and still experience with your loss. Blessed be.

Hi OnthePath, i just read your post and it really modivated me. Escpecially how you were able to overcome your struggles and figure out a good way to cope with "life". Myself, i was able to experience "death" at a fairly early age. The truth is we all have to deal with these type of situations at different points in our lives. Life is temporary. It is how we go about understanding these situations that makes the difference. We can barry ourselves in alcohol or drugs, or we can turn around and open our mind and accept the harsh facts of life and that there are things that are way beyond our comprehension. And how it all makes sence in the end.

I can definetly relate a lot to your views on LSD and mind therapy. I, actually even decided to make every trip count by making a record of it. Also, it helps a lot to vary the setting, but i myself still have to work on that as i get way too overwhelmed by being outside or around people. As i feel, i cannot let it overwhelm me as much, almost like not giving in.

I really like your veiw on the spirit molecule and it gives me something to look forward to, with a greater sence of urgency so to speak. When i feel ready of course. As i do not want to do it on a whim. I want to be ready to let it open me up, and take me where i need to be taken. I need that right state of mind. If that mekes sence.

Thanks for sharing your story. Peace be with you fellow explorer

BloodShotEyes

Welcome OnThePath. Thank you for sharing your struggle and pain with us. Be cool, be well.

I have two children - I can;t begin to imagine the pain you have been through, and I doubt I'd have the strength to cope in the way that you have. It seems that you seek enlightenment, rather than anaesthetic; to understand the pain rather than dull it. That is courageous, and an inspiration.