Hi everyone!

I'm a ~40 y old regular guy type of person - boring office job, wife, kids, etc. For the past 5 years or so I started to develop an interest in psychedelics, mostly mushrooms, mostly for the amazing and long-lasting mood boost they seem to provide. They also seem to provide some perspective which helps me not sweat the small things. I'm also very interested in the medical potential of psychedelics, I went to several psychedelics conferences and I'm convinced they can help many people who desperately need them, so I'm an active militant for legalization, frequently gift shrooms to people, donate to MAPS, volunteer for various activities, etc.

I've also been personally experimenting with increasingly large doses as well as some other substances, had a few nice ego-shattering trips but never anything that felt disturbing or scary.

That is until I tried DMT. I've been doing low doses for a while now, no idea exactly how much because I just invested in a scale and my vaporization method seems to be inconsistent. I would get some pretty intense fractal visuals, be transported in a world where everything seems to squeeze into me, never really felt I had an actual "breakthrough". Still even at these doses I felt like there was something disturbing about the DMT experience.

Then recently I decided to weigh out 40mg and take it with a nitrous balloon. I feel the usual visuals and as they start to subside I decide that I was going to break through that night. I had kept myself away from DMT trip reports as much as possible as I wanted to experience this with an open mind.

I should point out that I'm normally a super calm guy, I meditate, I take shrooms regularly, I eat a low-carb diet, I hardly get scared or emotional about anything. This time though my heart was racing a bit because of the anticipation and because filling another nitrous balloon made a loud noise and I was worried I might have woken up the kids.

I take the vaporizer bag and inhale deeply, right after the nitrous. I can tell right away from the taste of it that this will be more intense than anything I experienced before and my heart starts racing. My sense of reality dissolves quickly as I observe the usual freaky visuals that come with it. There's no more "I" and no more "is"-ness. Everything that has to do with day to day reality has vanished.

Suddenly there's an awareness of an entity, although it doesn't have a visual aspect. I have no sense of self so it's not like I am aware of an entity, it's just there. It points to things, it wants me to know that they are taking over. It points to all the DMT art in the world, all the festivals, the psychedelic renaissance, it shows me how they are slowly creeping into our world and for the first time in my life I wonder if psychedelics are a good idea. It also makes me know that every time I dip into this realm, I take a little bit back with me, something sticks to my essence and that every time it will be harder to go back. It shows me how it is taking me over, with colorful patterns all over my body.

Suddenly I remember a warning that I had read some time ago about the Trickster, about how it makes you forget who you are and hides things from you and screws with your head. Previously my DMT experiences felt really fragile, very easy to shake loose if I wanted to, or if something happened in my environment. This time though as I felt like I was remembering who I was I realized it was different, the Trickster was holding me back and making it clear that he had a lot of power, at least in this realm. He seemed to ask me "how do you want to return when you don't even know what's real?" I looked at my arm and saw it as an overlap of the cartoonish DMT reality, the physical reality barely visible underneath and a third, ineffable reality which I felt was there too, but didn't have a visual dimension to it. When I moved my arm it felt as if the Trickster would quickly move the cartoon arm on top of it to obscure my real arm.

Felt like I was playing a three card monte with the trickster, where I was supposed to guess which was the reality I belonged to, and the stakes were very high. The fate of humanity was at stake at first, but then I realized how crazy that was and decided the fate was just my life or my sanity. I felt like I had too many things in this world - family, friends and the Trickster had the power to take it all if I fell for his tricks.

The Trickster had a distinct three-way aspect to it, similar to how I perceived my arm, and not unlike a jester's hat. He was distinctively neutral, neither good nor evil, but there was something very ominous about it all, he seemed to ask if I was sure this was a good idea, if this is what I wanted, not that I had a choice.

Suddenly I felt the urge to go out on my porch and think my way out of this situation. At this point I can't really see anything as my brain still thinks I'm in hyperspace, but at the same time I have no trouble navigating all obstacles in my house and I make it to the porch without causing any damage. I squat on the floor in the cold air and look at my cartoonish white hands against the dark carpet.

As I regained more of my rational abilities I thought that this was clearly all in my head, perfectly explainable by science, that there was no hyperspace, to which the Trickster replied that while that was true, they were nonetheless taking over, and pointing out again the tremendous potential of psychedelics to induce individual change, from the drug addicts who is able to give it all up after a changa experience and ends up covered in colorful tattoos to the scientists that dedicate their lives and career to literally helping them take over.

The trickster keeps trying to distract me, he is overwhelming my attention with spinning thingies that keep folding and unfolding and transforming and I remember thinking that this was like juggling (I dabble), and if I could just hold enough of these spinning things in my attention I could find a way out. I remember thinking how messed up this was, how unnatural and how unsafe, and how perhaps all the psychonauts and scientists telling me that DMT was safe were also tricked by the Trickster. I felt a strong urge to cut all ties with the psychedelic/burner communities and vote conservative. (don't worry, that went away fast)

I remember thinking about all the warnings I had read about how you should go into the experience with respect and humility and I felt like I had really learned my lesson. This was NOT the path to enlightenment, it wasn't even in the same zip code as enlightenment, there were no shortcuts to that and from now on I would sit in zazen daily and do it the slow way.

The return to reality seemed to take forever and the Trickster seemed to keep repeating a question "are you sure you've learned your lesson? we'll see." I remember wanting to throw up but not being able to. Felt like I had a thick layer of DMT power in my mouth and throat. I remember thinking "never again" over and over again, and considering burning my massive stash that I had barely dipped into. Obviously I couldn't give it to anyone else, the risk of the entities taking over felt incredibly real. Then I remember thinking that DMT was still a great drug at lower doses and that I didn't need to go for another breakthrough, and then immediately thinking that this was just another trick to help the entities.

My sense of self eventually returned completely, all anxiety disappeared and I continued to experience intense visuals and a very pleasant body feel for what felt like another 15 minutes. I have no idea how long the "hyperspace" lasted, I'd guess around 15 minutes as well. I felt immense relief and gratitude as I was cuddling my wife and trying to tell her everything I went through while it was still fresh in my mind. I think that might have really helped me remember it until typing it out the next morning.

It remains to be seen how long the Trickster will stay with me, if he'll ever show up in my dreams or if I'll ever decide to seek him out again.

Anyway, I felt compelled to share this with more experienced trippers and hopefully engage in some dialogue. Might repost this to the experience thread once I get full member status.

Since I had the experience I've explored this forum and some other resources and I feel ready for another go. For now I am convinced that the Dark Trickster is in fact me, or at least part of my subconscious. Perhaps it's because I'm repressing my trickster nature too much in real life, he comes to torment me in hyperspace.

I should also add that I really have no idea if I've actually broken through, I didn't get any of the sounds, popping, high speed traveling or any of the other things people report.

Also not long before going under I was looking at some of Alex Grey's work like this: http://www.alexgrey.com/art/paintings/soul/

Sounds like you had an intense trip have you tried to see if you get a different experience if you don't mix DMT with other drugs?

This was the first time I tried nitrous and DMT, so far I've had DMT on its own but at much lower doses. I really don't know how much the nitrous affected my experience, normally I don't feel much form one balloon. I'm fairly new to nitrous too. I'll definitely try DMT on its own for a while though.

Sounds intense mate. I've also come across confrontational spirit entities, as compared to entities one can see, in the dark areas of hyperspace. They seem to speak from within us... seem to be us. But don't seem to say what we necessarily want to hear. Dunno what these things are, perhaps our subconscious? I've been told to go away and come back when I understand better, then locked in a swirling black prison for the rest of the trip. Bummer.
You've got a lot of courage hitting nitrous with DMT though, that's something I never even considered doing.
If you broke through you'd know it, apparently. But don't stress too much about trying to achieve that. It's not a medal of honour and many prefer it on this side of that gateway.

Thank you for writing! That sounds really intense!!


As of late I always see jesters when I break through. Even on aya the other day.

Thanks for reading. Indeed, as a lifelong materialist I am still fairly convinced that the entities come from our subconscious mind and not some parallel dimension. I don't want to fully discount that possibility though, especially after experiencing how "alien" it felt. I don't think that this is an important question anyway, whether our inner angels, demons or jesters live in a parallel reality or just in our heads, they nonetheless have power, they matter. I think this was my lesson.

This sounds exactly like the "demon" (as I called it in my post from a couple of days ago). As a matter of fact, it seems like you are describing the same experience I had, just in very different words. The way you describe an overlay of cartoon reality and another reality being moved on top of your "real" arm within a short time, that's what it really was like when I said I perceived "echoes" of the movement of my arm. Other things sound very similar to my experience, and also my thoughts on the experience. I didn't mention this in my report on here, but I also had the distinct thought "never again" during that trip.

What to do… I keep having the thought of just doing a high dose to blast past the Trickster, but coming back from the "high-dose place," he's going to be there again, isn't he? What power does he really have, though, other than to torture us for an eternity and then another eternity and then maybe another one or two eternities?

These particular passages stand out to me at the moment. It's like we have this knowledge inside, "remembering who we are", that we have access too but are reluctant to access because of wordly attachments, what we consider reality, for example. The idea that the Trickster is part of your subconcious is something that resonates with me. It's like a manifestation of your resistance, not necessarily of the experience, but the potential results of the experience. The Trickster distracting you is the world as we perceive it distracting us from our true nature. "how do you want to return when you don't even know what's real?"
We need to let go.

I went and read your posts, I can relate to a lot of that. I also had the feeling that my Trickster had always been there during previous experiences but I just hadn't seen him. I also experienced a complete obliteration of every concept or memory I had, there was nothing left of me to be concerned about anything, and on my way back I somehow thought that some entity was actively making it difficult for me to remember, which is probably how I projected the Trickster into existence. I've experienced this complete obliteration before on mushrooms, only once when combined with Syrian Rue, but there was nothing scary about the return, it was a peaceful process of picking up the pieces. On DMT it must have been fear on some level that caused the unpleasantness.

It's strange that I could not re-live that complete obliteration on mushrooms after my experience, even on higher doses, there was always some sort of a "story line" that I felt like I was tied to even though I was pretty far gone.

There was a certain dream-like quality to the experience, this complete obliteration happens on some level every night during deep sleep, and sometimes even when you dream you are not part of the dream per se. On mushrooms the dreams are more pleasant though.

Please, could you describe the patterns and colours? No images necessary, just using many words. I'd like to compare your experience to mine.

With respect to something-sticking-to-your-essence: Something that has an agenda is telling you something. There might be some truth to it, but why should that be the whole truth: negative entities seem trying to f*ck with people's minds. I think that it is possible to avoid it.



I got a similar message about not only the fate of humanity, but that humanity are just a minor phenomenon which will eventually be crushed by the universe, which in its nature is supposed to be entirely psychedelic. And thus, "humans are just a psychedelic experience", and this experience eventually will change. leaving nothing behind.

IMHO, this is a fear tactic. It is supposed to make you feel powerless and insignificant. As a result, becoming nihilistic, one opens up more easily to these negative entities and the experiences they offer. Reason: a person with selfworth will not debase himself. Remove the selfworth and people are open to all kinds of strange or harming activities (even in real life).



In my experience, is is partly true. I had very gratifying experiences ... and very bad ones.



My personal working theory is that these entities try to control the imaginative faculty of man. Zen, like any other form of solid meditation, could be an antidote, as one observes phenomena and does not identity with them.



Onsetting paranoia based on disorientation. The best thing is to re-evaluate the situation after 4-14 days. Then it becomes clear whether the paranoia is justified or just the result of a weakened psyche, as DMT, in my experience, weakens psychic borders substantially.




I don't want to stress a religious standpoint ... but ... know comes the but-part. I myself found myself reevaluating statement the catholic church makes about negative entities and found that there is probably something to it:



Last but not least I link my own post, which may be relevant for you:
https://www.dmt-nexus.me...aspx?g=posts&t=76979

> Please, could you describe the patterns and colours? No images necessary, just using many words. I'd like to compare your experience to mine.

My psychedelic experiences are never super-visual, I don't have a very visual mind in general, I mostly "feel", it's all ideas on some level. I would say that my hands were either cartoonish looking, like white with black edges, or covered with a pattern that looked like long blades of grass or leaves, about 1 cm thick and maybe 5-7 long. The colors were pastel, green, pink, red. The more striking part was how they FELT, they had some sort of stickiness, like they were covered in something.

> I got a similar message about not only the fate of humanity, but that humanity are just a minor phenomenon which will eventually be crushed by the universe, which in its nature is supposed to be entirely psychedelic. And thus, "humans are just a psychedelic experience", and this experience eventually will change. leaving nothing behind.

Yes, ultimately I think this is our fate even if we're strictly materialistic. Perhaps it will even happen in our lifetime if we don't get our shit together as a species. I think that for me the main point of exploring psychedelics and meditation is to come to terms with this. I can accept my own death, I have successfuly procreated beautiful intelligent children, but it's hard to let go of humanity as a whole. It makes sense that in a high-anxiety trip this sort of fears would come up.

> My personal working theory is that these entities try to control the imaginative faculty of man. Zen, like any other form of solid meditation, could be an antidote, as one observes phenomena and does not identity with them.

Right, I saw your PNG chart in another thread and I'll definitely try well-rested, day time tripping next time.

> Onsetting paranoia based on disorientation. The best thing is to re-evaluate the situation after 4-14 days. Then it becomes clear whether the paranoia is justified or just the result of a weakened psyche, as DMT, in my experience, weakens psychic borders substantially.

Yes, these were my thoughts during the experience, I have reverted to normalcy pretty soon after. The experience still had a profound positive impact on me, I've been in a better overall mood since then, and completely uninterested in weed among other things. I've also kept to my daily meditation promise so far.

> I don't want to stress a religious standpoint ... but ... know comes the but-part. I myself found myself reevaluating statement the catholic church makes about negative entities and found that there is probably something to it:


I've been thinking a lot about this lately, I do have an interest in religion and mythology. Really not sure if the trickster/devil is necessarily evil, the one I met was most certainly "neutral", although still inspiring fear. I think it was mostly a fear of change. I tried to think of the most interesting appearances of the Trickster in the Christian stories, how about the snake with the tree of knowledge? The snake is definitely an agent of change and not evil.

I think that of all religions Christianity perhaps portrays the trickster in the worst light.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trickster

By coincidence I stumbled upon David Icke. He talks a lot about Archons, wich could be our dark entities.

Interestingly, he speaks about the blending of our world and their world, as intended by them:

https://youtu.be/Sr2pw774Hgw?t=29m5s

(Icke uses a lot of information and sometimes I doubt what he says. However, he points out interesting information which could be used for further research. I don't want to talk about Icke himself too much.)

Thanks, I'll check that out.

Meanwhile yesterday I took the day off and had 2.2g shrooms with 2.5g of rue and about 30g cacao and had a similar experience to the DMT, which made me realize that I'm simply taking too much, too often. I plant to take a long break now and reset my synapses.

Yesterday's trip started with some bad vibes as I was reading the headlines, and then I just couldn't shake the negativity. The Trickster was still there, not as obvious as with the DMT but still felt his presence. At some point while peaking it felt as if he was squatting behind a mirror ready to hop over and trade places with me, leaving me stuck in his world. I experienced a similar sense of ego dissolution as usual on shrooms, but this time it was entirely dreadful, instead of peacefully letting go and enjoying the experience I could not shake the feeling that if I let go this time I might not get it back, so I spent the whole 10-12 hours clutching "it". The worst part of it was that I felt like lost my sense of purpose in life, previously I thought I was on a good path, having tremendously improved my health and relationships in the past 5 years, and it all started with a mushroom trip. Now I felt like the mushrooms were kicking my ass.

Anyway, I managed to fall asleep just fine and the next morning was still feeling great. This was my first proper "bad trip" and probably just what I needed.

This is such a nice philosophical post. I think you had a very interesting experience which goes beyond the "superficial breakthrough".

I think a real breakthrough is not just an interesting trip but almost like a philosophical mandala that changes your outlook, on yourself and on life. A breakthrough does not end when the psychedelic effects wear off. It will make you think and your consciousness will expand accordingly.

People talk about tricksters and jesters and truly this mind can be a trickster. My first real breakthrough was without having used any psychedelics. People would call it psychosis and it lasted for months. It was my psyche playing tricks on me. She's powerful, that's what I realized then. The mind and this universe are to be respected.

Psychedelic substances I think can help us understand just how powerful and important order and coherence actually are.

Thank you for sharing in so much detail.

Check out this podcast interview with Dany Nemu, about 1h in they talk about the driving forces that inhabit our heads as portrayed in the bible. The whole thing is worth a listen though. https://runesoup.com/201...culture-with-danny-nemu/

Thanks for the link, I believe I listened to Gordon in the past.

In return I point out a recent interview conducted by Ole Dammegard, some parts may be interesting:

https://www.lightonconsp...ing-veil-reality-part-1/

Another interesting podcast worth listening to is THC, although despite the name, drugs are not the focus:

https://www.thehighersidechatsplus.com/

I checked out a couple of Günther's talks, and I have to say the idea that we are being farmed for our psychic energy as food source by some powerful entities is mostly comforting. I think that the alternative, that we are just stumbling into extinction because we're too damn stupid to get our shit together is way scarier. Hopefully Günther is onto something and the Archons won't let us leave them hungry.

What I currently tend to believe is that these "Archons" come from the depths of our subconscious and have little vision for our future. The reptilian brain is real but it's more of an evolutionary relic than the result of some conspiracy. "Awakening" is mostly about managing this reptilian brain within us. The ancient techniques to help us get there are esoteric because the awakened tend to not make very good state citizens. There has always been a war on consciousness because there have always been reptilian-brain dominant people at the top of society who see the spiritual awakening of the masses as an existential threat - and it doesn't take much to instill fear in a population.