Hello to all.
I have been trying to figure out what to say here.
I was able to join over the weekend and was very excited to get to join. My story while not unique by any stretch of the imagination is less impressive in my eyes than these other newcomers. I grew up in an overly baptist household. We were those people. Daily or weekly corporal punishment. No tv. Very strict rules. My family seemed to take the path of "let's pretend the things in the world such as sex, alcohol and drugs do not exist so we do not have to deal with it". It was a strange upbringing. While it was mostly a happy childhood I knew I never fit. As a young child I set in church every Wednesday, Thursday, some Saturday's, and always twice on Sunday I set there and wondered why. None of it made sense. This love they spoke of that god has for us all seemed so amazing and should make you feel so good but even as a young child I never experienced it. The churches we attended. The people we met. More often than not they were not happy people. Their devotion wasn't out of love or kindness or happiness it was out of fear of what should happen to them if they did not obey. That never did make sense to me. I always felt like I was either the only one in the room that had any clue that it didn't add up or I was just slow and no one had told me.
Anyway I started at a young age sneaking and steering towards the other side of the road where the rules didnt allow.
Mostly alcohol and cannibis along with other harmful toxins. My limited experience with mushrooms was pleasant but if I am honest about it I wasn't in the right state of mind. I was using it to be abusing it as that was all I knew at the time.
After school I took a job in a uniform to help get money for college. I took my commitment serious and never ventured into anything beyond alcohol for close to a decade.
So fast forward a few years.
One day while catching up with a friend that had moved to California I was asked "have you ever heard of DMT?" As a lot of you I am sure are aware how the next part of this goes for most, mine took a while. I wasn't comfortable making my own and I lived at the time in an area where getting meth is easier than marijuana so it was out of the question. So I would read what I could. I visited this site many times with extreme interest and just waited for the moment to appear. I took it as faith that if this material was as profound as advertised and if it was meant to cross my path it would. A hand full of years passed with me listening( or reading) to people describe these intense experiences. This may sound silly to some but I listened to Jim carry in a commencement address and he said the most profound thing I had heard in some time. He said " you ask the universe for what you want and you work toward it while letting go of how it manifests". So I did just that. I didn't fixate on the experience I just decided it will happen when and if it should happen.
So one day while enjoying coffee with a friend I was reconnecting with and I mentioned I had been hoping to encounter this life changing chemical.
The elements of the universe sometimes align.
I was given the offer and graciously accepted.
The people who were making all this possible were more than accommodating and I can not speak any higher of any human than these people. They would not receive any payment in any form and were slow with me getting ready and leading up to my first experience. My anxiety level was about as high as I assumed I was about to go. I was wrong.
Without going into a trip report I will just say that experience changed things. I mean I knew it wasn't a recreational thing nor was that my intent. But it had been years in the making to get to that point and I expected I was mildly prepared. The ego can certainly get us at times when we don't expect it.
I made 3 more explorations since that unexpected evening. All were life altering (for me) but 1 was shall we say. Noteworthy.
To best explain it without fumbling around I will just say. That love I mentioned earlier that I always heard about in church. I finally know what it feels like.
I am still looking for an appropriate way to repay those kind people who welcomed me so freely into their circle. So any ideas I would be glad to hear
As for this writing I just want to say thank you.
Thank you for making and keeping this site going.
I am slowly making my way through the questions and learning that I am even more clueless than I thought. So much info so fast. It is like drinking from a fire hydrant. I am trying to the best of my ability to just read read and read. I hope this gives a little Insite to my past and maybe a glimpse into where I hope to go. In short. I want to learn. Not just of this amazing substance but of myself and the connection and separation to and from the universe (if any). Thank you all who take the time to read this and I apologize in advance for the spelling errors. Grammar errors. And just lack of fluidity.
I hope to see you all out there.