fractal enchantment wrote:
Well, I think I really need to do this..makes me sad but also happy, I dont want to be a slave anymore, especially to something giving me such negative vibes lately..I feel I keep lying to myself and going back for more, trying to find the old effects..but they just dont seem to be there anymore..
More time and $$ for my extractions I guess.
I feel you!
I also had a period like you are experiencing, especially the breath thing, it's like you can't get enough oxigen in your lungs, so you keep trying to inhale deeper, but still feel like you aren't using full lung capacity, also the anxiety and negative feelings are very recognizable, but stuburn like i am, i kept toking away, in the hope it would get back to normal again, not assuming that it was the weed that caused all of this, ofcoarse it was, but i ignored that possibility.
After a while things kinda got back to "normal" again, but still often i experience being stoned as unpleasant, i had my periods of trying to quit for a few days, but those where forced attempts, i'm sure i'm addicted to weed, growing it myself does not motivate me much to slow down my usage either.
Since 6 years i stopped smoking tobacco, and i feel that smoking pure is making the effect much more psychoactive then before, tobacco smooths the effect down a LOT too.
I think DMTripper gave me some inspiration in his comment above to try and slow down my usage again.
But it won't go by itself.
The problem is, i roll one up in the assumption that i'm about to relax, like i experienced weed in the first couple of years, but now it's always like Russion roulette, sometimes it get's you relaxed and mellow, at other times just bored, tired annoyed or anxious, and still i keep hoping that it's gonna relax me, time after time.
I think it's an addiction to memories of good weed times.