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Hi, welcome to the nexus!

Readability would improve a lot if you could edit the post and add some formatting, like inserting empty lines between paragraphs. Thanks.

delete me

Hi there syberdelic! Welcome to the Nexus!

Sorry in advance for the length of this post, I have a lot to say on this topic.

I can definitely relate to what you said in your OP. I also have become very disillusioned with religion.

I was born and raised a Jehovah's Witness. I still am, but only in a perfunctory sense since I still live with my parents and I can't just rebel lol.

When I think about it, I never was convinced that my religion was the right one. They try to drum it in your head that their religion is "the truth" and that their God is the one true God but I never bought it.

That all being said though, it took me a while to really accept in my mind what this "religion" really is. I put religion in quotation marks because it's really not a religion, but a cult. This idea was difficult for me to accept, but I eventually came to terms with it.

While all of this was going on, I started looking into different aspects of spirituality. Hinduism, Buddhism, Taoism, Gnosticism, metaphysics etc. These concepts really appeal to me.

When I think of my current mode of spirituality, I think of it as a work in progress. A spiritual path, if you will. I research different ideas, and if a certain idea resonates with me, I fit it into my current worldview. I'm always thirsty for knowledge, and I try to keep an open mind.

With regards to the ayahuasca experiences you had, I'm really sorry that that happened to you. The traditional setting is purported to be the best, most supportive setting for an ayahuasca experience, but reading, and hearing about experiences like yours make me very circumspect about the whole thing. But what do I know, I've never experienced ayahuasca, so my opinion on the subject is a non sequitur.

With regards to this new attitude you have of carving your own path, I think this is a good attitude to have. It's an attitude I share, and it's one that has been very helpful for me.

Here's some interesting videos on spirituality, hope you find them helpful.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=t3p78ZDAPiM
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=POnrV7BuX5U
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=MQ1Bc1yrgq0
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=b4r4cgCiZGw
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=dNCUoC0MXz8
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=aibQJaW9gjE
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=yJnAvl-cse8

In my mind, "spirituality" is just science that we haven't invented yet. As such, it's always getting laden in superstition and other religion-like ideas over time. Dogma, and rituals are the ones that need to be purged and removed IMHO, not the core spirituality. Spirituality, if anything, leaves the door open for science. At least, my definition of it.

I must say the current ayahuasca shamanism thing leaves me with a strong feeling.

Greetings syberdelic, your post is thought provoking to me as I too have thought that the traditional setting would be a great way to experience ayahuasca.
After reading what you have to say I don't know if I would want to go and expend so much just to go out and have an experience such as that, I understand completely how you had a bad time. Though I believe every spirituality has something it can teach us all I would hate to be trying to delve that deep into my consiousness while being exposed to that degree of belief concerning the fears of supernatural demons and things of that nature, I would say demons are very real, but that's the entire reason you partake in such a world shattering experience is so you can confront the 'demons' inside of your head that plague your every day life, the only way to solve your problems is to stop running and take them for what they are.
That when they saw you were having a bad time they started blowing tabacco smoke at you to try and scare off bad spirits would have made me rather upset, when the experience is at its worst is the time when the light is mostly likely to break through the clouds with a realization of how you can change things for the better, they should have left you in peace considering they can't possibly have any insight into things of such personal nature and they're actions could disturb the course of events which may have led you to a real solution in your life.

Sturgill Simpson says it best in this rolling Stone article. http://www.rollingstone....-he-can-help-it-20140603

Here is one of many great quotes
"so don't waste your time on nursery rhymes fairy tales blood and wine, it turtles all the way down the line..."

Glad you are here with us syberdelic. Welcome.

I agree with you wholeheartedly Handel! I think a lot of "spiritual" concepts can be measured objectively and be defined objectively by science and that science and spirituality are not mutually exclusive.

A lot of scientists are doing earnest research on spiritual concepts and I feel that this will only continue and expand as technology progresses.

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It seems from a lot of what I've read ayahuasca tours have become very commercialized I feel with the easily accessible materials one can aquire most anywhere, if someone has experience with psychedelics and an idea of what it is there doing creating your own ceremony of sorts that is in line with your own personal beliefs and desires seems like it is the best way.
There's something to be said about going out and experiencing the culture of others and though I'm sure they can be just as absurd as our own there are also differences to appreciate, but with something as serious as an ayahuasca adventure I personally would think the best way to go is delving inside of an environment where you have total control over the set and setting as far as it is possible as to release you from all distractions that could hold you back down to reality.
One can go and experience the cultures of others in a sober state and learn what there is to learn without spending unnecessary money to participate in a ceremony that may or may not be benificial to ones psyche anyways. As an ex smoker as well I know that the mapacho would have a drastic negative effect on me too, it seems odd that ones who use ayahuasca regularly would submit there bodies to such an addictive and damaging substance.

Syberdelic, welcome and congrats on your upgrade.

You'll find many other members here who take a critical and autonomous stance towards drug culture of any kind. My take on matters is that set and setting are a personal choice and a personal responsibility.

I have had interesting experiences with pharmahuasca (my own extracted and purified dmt and rue harmalas) that I explored with like-minded friends in the urban jungle that I grew up in and call my home.

I try to keep an open mind to alternative viewpoints, but I have little use for other people's irrationalities and superstitions while there are still so many of my own to explore and conquer.

In regards to the tobacco what were you feeling when you were "tripping hard"?

For sure, syberdelic, welcome! Being an intensely personal qualia of being, "spirituality" can only be individual. Only you can challenge your spirituality. Nobody(or group) can define or deliver it for you. That said, shared experiences can be useful for some.

"Force" heavy(cappi) brews can be overwhelmingly nauseating. It is said that with habituation, the nausea lessens. Traditionally prepped ayahuasca can be difficult to incorporate into our lifestyle reference frame. Traditionalists tout the extended purge as beneficial. My experience(like yours) has been that protracted nausea is anything but, transformative.

You've obviously earned your psychedelic chops and can find your own path. However if you remain interested in anahuasca brews, check out Tregar's posts on "easy ayahuasca". Extracted harmalas with rapidly brewed(leaf or root) "light" sources can be EXTREMELY rewarding with significantly reduced nausea. Takes a bit of perfecting, but can be simple and adaptable to "your" body/mind paradigm!

Peace

Wise words!

delete me

Earlier in your post I noticed you discredit the people's belief of energy and demons yet have the experience of energy within yourself. Upper abdominal pain like the solar plexus? This corresponds to the solar plexus chakra which is associated with the will. I've had similar experiences of intense nausea, in my own experience it persists if I'm resisting the experience.

delete me

Why did you feel you were being poisoned? As far as I know ayahuasca has zero damaging effect on the body or brain. You also mentioned having the impression that you yourself were sweating out toxins. Believing in a lower vibrational energy would imply the opposite to exist.

The metaphors we use also say a great deal about ourselves. You mention carving your own way spiritually, the word carve implies tremendous effort working against tremendous resistance. Food for thought.

Hahaha!Nice one syberdelic!

I also happen to be a bass junkie lol.

It's all about the bass man