OP, sounds like you are locking yourself up in a tiny part of your head. The rest of you (and the rest of the world) is still there, but your intellect is trying to lock all that out. This may superficially seem to help to avert being overwhelmed by difficult emotions, but it doesn't really help. The emotions and feelings are still there and causing the feelings of despair and the chaotic thought patterns.

Intellectualizing doesn't work, it will only further lock you up into that tiny part of your head. What does work is to become all of you again, all of your spirit and all of your body. The difficulty is that this will make you experience the emotional states again that made you flee into your head in the first place. You can, it is safe to do so now.

This is the only part where intellect is required in the path to healing: you have to learn your intellect to acutely reflect on itself. Every time you retreat away from the complete self into that tiny part of your head, the intellect must signal that there and then and immediately replace the focus to the whole you and the whole situation, outside of the merely intellectual domain.

The intellect is very good at focusing in. But you must learn again to focus out too. It is like breathing: if you forget to breathe out, things go bad. I believe that there is a close relation between breathing and mental processes.

To help you focusing out, you could breathe out gently and slowly while feeling every part of body participating in this movement. Let all parts of your body that are tense relax and loosen up. Let all the stuck thought patterns melt away and flow out of your mind as the breath flows out of your body.

This only works if your awareness is with the body, because if your awareness is with the mind the thought patterns stay stuck. So never mind your thoughts while you are breathing out. Let them be, so they can melt and flow away. Keep pointing your awareness at your body that is breathing out and releasing tensions.

Keep breathing out until it is done and you have let the last bit of breath out of your belly. At first, this can be a bit difficult, especially if your diaphragm is still very tense. If you keep practicing, it will noticeably improve until in the end your breath movement reaches the holy grail: the pelvic floor.

When you have fully breathed out, the spontaneous urge arises in your body to breathe in. Allow your body to do this. The spontaneous breathing in is sudden, swift and free flowing. If breathing in is mechanical, that is a sign that your intellect is controlling the breath movement and that you did not fully breathe out. The intellect has the ability to create an image of your body. It cannot control the body but it can control the image. However, this image is a robot, it is not alive with a heart.

Let your living body do the breathing. That's the spirit.

You will notice that in order to breathe freely, you need to open up the frontal part of your torso. You need to open your heart, so to say. When you do this, you can let your shoulders fall back. On the lower side, you can tilt your hip and stop pulling your tail between your legs. You will feel like a different person.

Finally, there is a nice exercise to go along with this. Listen to your heart. There is nothing else to do (except breathing of course). Just feel the beating of your heart, not only in the chest cavity, but everywhere in your body. Keep listening and if you get distracted by thoughts, don't worry and get carried away by it, just switch the channel back to your heart. Again and again and again. And keep breathing out and letting go.

After a little practice, you can do these exercises while you do, well anything. Or you can do them in a specially created moment of stillness, a moment especially for you. For the latter it doesn't even matter if you are physically isolated from others or in the midst of a bustling crowd.

These exercises are not some yogic techniques, not some mechanical postures, nor are they meditation. If they are, they will not work, because those are all constructs of the intellect. They only work if they are a spontaneous expression of your vital essence, flowing through you and out of you. You can only use these methods to discover that it is already there in you since birth.

^^Well put!

The Who-Love Reign On Me

Pitubo, its true im locked in ny head and usually try to control ny thoughts.
I intellectulize how to accept let go and all that stuff.

I dont even know how to get to the complete self at this point. So essentially keep focus on the body and dont mechanically breathe.

For acceptance i guess stop fighting, let it be, whatever happens happens and let differebt emotions come up? Or not caring about it and accepting its presence but not focusing on it


Personally have a hard time not fighting
The biggest thing right now is gettibg detached from the mind and to give up control over my mind, feelings, and body.

I try to control how i feel a decent amount which is due to focusing in like pitubo said.


I will try this technique pitubo and keep you updated. Much thanks for the help

Just need to be in the presebt moment

You can bring yourself into the present by doing something that requires all your attention...I make mosaics of mandalas for this purpose...It is thoroughly engaging, and gets you out of the mind...and focuses the Self energies

In this way you can begin to develop awareness of each moment, which is what the monks were doing in the OTT video...


Go on google images and print out a mandala you like...have to have colors of course...Turn some chill music on like below and CREATE

Zero 7-Morning Song

Ah yes, they use sand though.
So things like reading, video games, making music, anything to hold attention will do?

Heh if i knew how to make a mosaic id give it a try.

Any other methods to cultivate basic present moment awareness

I'd advise walking or cycling in nature. It's a healthy and relaxing form of exercise in a setting that typically provides plentiful clean air. Don't overdo the exercise part. You cannot overdo the relaxing part. Prepare yourself well to be physically comfortable. Enjoy the moments and the efforts when you can find them enjoyable.

This and everything else pitubo said is really good advice.
Just want to add to not forget to relax your jaw muscles. There often is so much tension stored there, espescially in combination with compulsive thinking. Best to leave your mouth open while doing this exercise. I find that it also helps alot to let a kind of relaxed sound/sigh arise with breathing out, but no need to force anything.



just want to note that movement can also happen in other parts of the body as a side effect of letting the body breath freely. movement may happen in all parts of the body, as the tension is let go off. in example this might manifest as your head and neck slightly tilting forward(if you start out while sitting) which can result in deep relaxation of the neck muscles. no need to hold any forced meditative posture for this exercise imo, in fact id say the opposite helps more.

...I said print out a template off google images...not make a real one as they were doing..baby steps

And no...video games, media, and all that shit are distractions...The key is to focus your self into creating...Make it a goal to create something everyday

You can teach yourself anything...mosaic making and the like all within your fingertips on the computer...Apply that inquisitive mind into creating...There is a more complex reason for working with mandalas...Look up Jung's work with mandalas...Transpersonal Psychology

Hey woogy, thank you for the message i cant reply in pms right now though. You ojce mentioned something about giving up control of the body and feelings. Was wondering if you could expand on that more.

So I will post you the exercise that I am doing, that gave me a much more diverse and alive and relaxed feeling of my body and in general inner life.

Its simply called "the movement exercise".
So the exercise looks like this..

You stand on your feet and close your eyes.
Exhale twice with a sigh.
Let your awareness sink into your body.
You can experiment with moving your awareness through your body and look where movement wants to happen, or just let go of the control of where awareness is fixed as well. Its not such a strict exercise, after some time it all happens by it self.
If you breath is not moving freely yet, it can be a a very good and important starting point.
Also movement in other bodyparts can happen, like your shoulders going down, your back slightly twisting, or even your whole body going towards the ground. If that happens its also okay to follow the movement and lie on the ground and continue there.
This is just your body doing its thing to finally let loose. Your body wants to be healthy, it knows very well to do its thing if you just let it.

Its a kind of paradox but doing nothing is basically all that is needed. When you usually always do something, to keep control, now you stop all those efforts.
You let go more and more of the control of your mind and your body. But to get things rolling you can consciously emphasise this with thoughts like „let go“ and „just melt“.
Always leave your mouth open and you can continue to make long drawn or short sigh-like noises while exhaling if you want to, that can make letting go easier.

It really just is an exercise of sinking more and more into the body and letting all sensations that come up happen without exercised control. Do this in a kind way to your self, dont force, no pressure. There really is no rush getting deeper, the body is the first important place to exercise letting go.

When your body starts to become more loose your inner space might become more alive, which means emotions or energy movement in the body increase. Just feel those emotions and energy phenomena, welcome them consciously and give them all the space they need.

You exercise the same attitude towards emotions as you would to your body movements, you feel them out and let them happen. Its a mixture of being an observer but also feeling it all out.
Actually those are two opposed positions, you can play around changing between those two, but from what you said I think the position where you really get into the feeling is more important for you right now.(as it was for me)
Usually the mind stays busy, to avoid feeling what is deeper. But feeling out those deeper feelings is where the healing happens.

You can imagine it like a sinkhole that has three levels of depht.Thoughts and images are on the surface, a bit deeper lie the body sensations and also energy phenomena, and even deeper are emotions on the end of this there just is infinite silence in an infinte space. When you get deeper id doestn mean that thoughts have to disappear, but they seem to be further away, like when youre down in the valley, and the clouds move above you in the sky.
The more you let go the more you will start to feel, avoided feelings come up, the lungs move freely, digestive tracks start to relax and so on...

Excellent post mang...right on....'Active imagination'

Heh, my mind was running around in circles trying to figure out how to do nothing.

If im caught in a loop fighting with effort do you have a tip for just dropping this fighting ?

So i guess how to drop effort?

Typically when fear arises my mind scurries and fights it or tries to get rid of it.
So trying to drop the effort there.

I really did enjoy this post. It seems to work. Thank you very much.

It seems my head gets tight as one of the feelings and tense. Very odd feeling Like a balloon that wants to pop.

Been very relaxed after just dropping the fight and not trying. Still have a hard time allowing certain feelings to stay around but cant expect much right now.

Good to hear that you're doing better already. Don't expect miracles overnight. Every improvement, however small, is an accomplishment that you can enjoy. If you keep up the good spirit as much as possible and keep making small improvements, you'll be making significant changes in the long run. Be well!

Thank you very nuch pitubo. Onky thing i have trouble with is anxiety when it comes up i get caught in loops. Any advice on how to just drop effort during those times?

Kind of realised its ok to feel like shit sometimes instead of always trying to change it

Running away from anxiety will only make the anxiety stronger. Feel the anxiety and feel your body while breathing out. If you can look at the anxiety, it will lose power and you can perhaps see the root causes of it. Then you might engage those and find a resolution.

Physical safety is important, of course. When physically threatened, running away can be the best option.

Merry christmas everyone.

I've realized I have a ton and I mean a lot of Anger built up out of not being able to control things. Also resentment.

So glad to hear you are gaining understanding of yourself....That is when true freedom comes, but usually little by little. Continue to do a little practice and a little relaxing everyday...Do and Be. 'Let go' using the techniques Jin gave you. Be honest with yourself. Your world will change!

Happy New Year!

as if Jin knows anything , what a load of crap

all the techniques in the world turn to $#!T , when the storm arrives

and Jin does know many techniques , yet is as troubled if not more than the OP

nothing helps at times , but riding the storm is the only answer

Godspeed

Figured I'd give a back story about how all this came to be. Maybe more insight into how it came to be would help.

So three years ago I moved across the country to live with a friend out west. At the time I was running from a girl who supposedly was pregnant with my child (ended up not being so). Very controlling person and wanted nothing to do with her or else she would've had me on a leash. So dropped my life moved to a friends Marijuana farm and started helping out. Was doing a lot of LSD at the time and got very interested in the changes I was seeing. Super outgoing, confident, loving, just all around happy and free feeling. Now I had been repressing the whole pregnancy and refused to speak of it and it made me very anxious. In fact smoking caused me panic attacks and they started happening more. Still tripping with no negatives though.
Odd things started happening like pictures morphing while sober. example: http://pre13.deviantart....n_by_greno89-d4i7plf.jpg

While sober I always saw a girl crying and the picture goes black. In my mind I made this an idea of me being unable to accept or let go of that part of myself to be whole.


Kept tripping and one day I decided to play a game. I said, "I know nothing" nothing crazy happened just felt odd.
This thought carried with me the whole next week and couldn't shake it.

Tripped again, this trip told me it's in the past let it go. I arrogantly refused, there was something in it the mind wanted.

Yet again I tripped.

This time terror, images of disgust, I watched myself get locked away in the farthest corner of my mind.

Woke up, went to tend the farm and I froze. Panic attack to the extreme. Turned white as a ghost and sat in panic for 6 hours with everyone there staring and asking what was happening.

Part of me knew, reality was sped up, the moment lost, and this cycle kept the panic going.

Now I felt lost after this, not as much as I do now but out of it.

My attitude changed, I became flustered, irritable, and selfish. I couldn't sleep, thoughts going every witch way attacking my mind in terror.
Never had I lost my mind and had it as my enemy. It was my loyal companion and it was now my enemy.

I scoured for answers, first shroomery, here, anything to make sense of it.

This started my obsession in retrospect.

Soon I went home out of not knowing up from down. I left most people without anything even a goodbye so my lady counterpart couldn't find me. So relations were tense.

The more I thought about it and worried the more I felt myself slipping away into nothing and the more I worried.


The void set in eventually where I felt hollow, numb, a band tightening around my head and constant thought streams. My mind was breaking into pieces. The structure collapsed.

I researched more and more and hit Depersonalization. A label to call this. researched all day finding out information. At this point I still could have positive thoughts.

Eventually I went to see the ex girl and set things straight and face my problems. Didn't fix anything so kept searching. Tried DMT, nothing. Tried MDMA, my god I'm cured and then the comedown back into anxious existential hell.

Met a new girl, decided to go on a road trip. During so I decided to drop all labels, that this wasn't a good or bad feeling and it has no name. I allowed myself to be vulnerable. Ended up being arrested on the trip and I let go inside. No thoughts controlled me, life happened without me. As I was released on bail I lent someone my phone, dark thoughts rushed through me but I didn't do anything with them, got my phone back and started walking.
BAM Mind was back, fully in the moment and reality. Everything was so alive. Lasted about 45 minutes then back to hell. This gave me hope.

Kept falling in and out for the next 6 months. Here I allowed myself to be vulnerable and just tried to be loving.


Fast forward.
Kept dwelling and digging into it. Thoughts circle essentially about the same things every day. Opened up 150 tabs on the topic and read through them. Become isolated and make it my life to figure out a way from the darkness. Everywhere says love where your at now, accept it, let go.
Terms my mind can't figure out a how to, and I know that's because those things are out of the mind.

Anyways, present day, still research it and can't grasp the terms, accept, etc. No identity, feel empty, blank mind. Think about it everyday. What to do about it, etc.

Now I realize, I made it what it is, I made it into a new identity/ego. This "problem" is what keeps it going and the fear of it.

Lately I think I just need to Love myself, I've been beating myself up by punching air in this endless loop.

How do I love myself? Stop thinking something is wrong?

How do I just let myself be vulnerable or be in general?




Might have gotten off topic, or had terrible grammar.
Thank you for reading though, hope this helps in some way get a better idea.