Hello fellow Nexians,
I've come here after months of reading, always finding closed gates
Then for a period, every weekend I somehow kept "forgetting" to register. But not this morning
There's a time for everything!
Some things about me. Nearing 40, been meditating on and off since 15. I'm a rebel spirit and don't follow any traditions or school but Buddhism is close(st) to me. Mindfulness was the first thing that started to open me up, to be aware of my inner world, of my own feelings, of my own pain, courage, and strength. I stumbled upon it well past 15, though, around 30 years old.
Mushrooms came next and I consider them my most important healers so far. They made me go from a deep sense of self-hatred and, on bad days, even a sense of worthlessness to Peace with myself and a much more centered, grounded existence. Shrooms have shown me how intricately interconnected all living beings are, including me, and how much loved and supported by the Universe we all are. Previous mindfulness experience helped tremendously with the high dose shroom rips. If I want a deeply emotional, grounding trip where I want to feel just how supported I am by this Universe, I turn to shrooms. They're like a warm blanket that hugs me. My allies
So grateful to have found them! Or wait, did they find me?
Next was acid (I've never tried anything as a kid or youngster,
) which, up to this day, I prefer to use in lower doses to "breathe through" my shadow world. By that I mean all the repressed feelings, guilt, shame, you name it. I found that mushrooms give me a warm hug and insight but if I need clarity and analytical understanding then "LSD psychotherapy" is the way to go. I like to listen to Pema Chodron audiobooks while on a low dose of LSD. Very therapeutic.
Next major milestone was Sally which I'm finally growing now. I wanted to establish a connection with the Spirit of Salvia before going hardcore on it so I haven't had a high dose Salvia trip yet, only threshold doses by chewing leaves. I intuitively feel that Salvia is "my thing", perhaps because I've been babying my cuttings from such a tender and young age (I received them without roots -- that's a story in and itself, maybe for another day!). I can't wait to watch my plants grow and flower. Yes, I want the to flower, too, and set seeds, and it will happen
And I first found this site through some Salvia threads.
Aya is on my list but I haven't ventured there yet. I normally don't use a sitter but with Aya I'd like to have an experienced and authentic Shaman nearby so I'll wait until I'm in the right setting for that. It's funny, in a way, that I came to a DMT site without ever having taken DMT. Although, I've done half of it a handful of times (psilohuasca) and it's one of my favorites!
I ingest entheogens in their natural form. I don't do extractions, nor do I intend to do it in the future, unless cooking something down to a tea qualifies. I wonder how I'll ever pass the quiz like that
As a consequence of the entheogenic use, I upped my spiritual & meditation practice. Ultimately, I believe we don't "need" entheogens. We have it all inside us; we just "forgot" our true nature... They sure open us up to new experiences. They can be very enlightening, even life-changing like they have been for me. But ultimately, what matters is how much carryover the entheogenic experience has on our everyday existence. I use them as tools and catalysts but the real work comes after. The real work of implementing the insights in our everyday lives, and to dare to live according to our values.
I'm hurting so much less now... and even when I'm hurting, I now have the courage to just lean into it and watch it fade. It always does. It was already worth it, so very well worth it, and it's just the beginning.
Namaste.