Hi,

I really would like to experiment with this further, the caapi and mimosa brew. I have very limited experience with this, but deep down I feel like if I could surrender to the experience and "let go" on some level then I could learn/grow as a person. The last experience I had was in fact very scary and I most certainly did not "break through" by any means, but was just "stuck" swimming in my fear. The experience started out very well and came on strong, like I knew I was in for a very powerful journey, but I was being controlled by fear the whole time, and felt like I had no "divine guidance."

I truly wish to experience a mimosa-caapi brew again but at the same time I really don't know if it is the right course of action for me. I actually really would like to save up money and eventually travel to peru for a few months. I feel that drinking cappi/mimosa brews here, where I am, will not get me anywhere. And that's too bad, because it feels like these plants inherently have so much in the dimensions of teaching/healing humanity.

Another thing I don't understand is that I had such a terrible expereince drinking a brew of mimosa and caapi, but my (smoked) dmt experiences have mostly been very positive. I'm not sure what to make of this. Even if I stayed with a group in Peru to undergo purification and healing and learning, would I really receive the healing that I yearn for so deeply? Could I be freed of fear and other raw negative emotions for good? Could I purify my body, mind, and spirit of negativity?

While smoking dmt seems very interesting and intriguing, to me it seems that working deeply with plants, especially in their native habitat, would be profoundly more rewarding.

I really would like to experience (amazonian) shamanism at it's deepest level which I am sure I wouldn't be able to by staying at home and drinking brews or smoking dmt.

thanks for listening and any input is greatly appreciated.

?

If you can't manage to come out of fear then perhaps you should try to smoke it at breakthrough dose. It will last shorter so if things go wrong then you won't be there for long.

Otherwise, try a lower dose orally and find out how to get comfortable. Even microdose for a while

I doubt spending all that money traveling to peru will actually change much. This is the molecule DMT and it is the same molecule that is found in peru too, so what's different? However there are aspects like being with other people that may change things and if you believe in "spirits" or "god" then perhaps a shaman may change things, although that can't be proven yet...

Also, it may be that you enjoy smoking because it is purer chemically than drinking ayahuasca. If you took pure freebase DMT and pure harmalas orally then it will make for a clearer trip.

Personally I have found unpleasant feelings with the oral route. It makes me feel weird and not very happy. Now I use an e-cig pen to maintain the trip where I want it for longer trips.

Another thing to consider is that if you can't handle ayahuasca now? Do you really think you will handle it in another country? in the middle of a jungle with random people all around you? Just something to think about.

If I wanted to go to Peru then I would make sure I am ready to go deep and explore and know within my self that I want to do it and have no doubts.

Hope that helps