Hi I am new to the forum and am excited to explore and learn what other open minded people like I believe myself to be have experienced through a spiritually guided first step into the realms of hyperspace.
I had been long surviving the mission that is life year after year, lifetime after lifetime, and still getting nowhere close to the answers to the questions I was born with. Space. It is easy to see what is here but not so easy to comprehend what is not. Almost a year ago I was going through yet another little breakdown, which to be honest I had gotten quite used to. Only this time I took it upon myself to take myself back. By this I mean reclaiming who I am or knew I once was. It all started when I decided to quit all the medication that I was on that had been sedating me for years, allowing me to float by life quite contently until I realised, "is this it?". I still wasn't sure that this was what I was here for if for any reason at all. After 2 years of not drinking or taking any drugs I was still just as lost and disheartened at life. The soul or essence of me knew there was more though. In the last year I have met all of my closest friends, one of which guided me on my first DMT trip. All that I had heard about it was that it was intense and that it was like nothing else. Weeks, and months i spent thinking about when I might be ready to do this. All of which contributed to the anticipation and excitement yet still humble curiosity of what was to come.
I was with my new found friend who I had bonded closely with and the trip wasn't planned but it felt right somehow to just do it at that moment. I remember firstly, trusting that he wasn't going to let anything bad happen to me, and I had been told that however long it feels it's only about 10 mins and will come to an end. With all this in mind, I accepted the invitation and took the first hit. My first feeling was terror, what have I got myself into. Panic but at the same time the feeling of "I have nothing left to lose". I then accepted the path that I had chosen to take. I put all my trust into my friend and he guided me on how to then take the second hit. After the second hit i started to feel more intensity in fear and panic, where am i? who am i? Followed by the same acceptance that I took with the first hit I continued to walked past the intensely overwhelming fear through the second hit and it wasn't until I took the third hit that I felt almost instantaneously carried. As if the drug knew what I needed and would not allow me to abuse it could tell or somehow see my intentions were pure. All this described happened in a split second of thought and choice of acceptance. After seeing the most incredible visuals I have ever seen, the most beautiful, warm colours welcoming me. It was almost as if the colours were leading me to a picture, a bigger picture to what I needed to see. I remember feeling the most vulnerable I have ever felt around someone, then the safest I'd ever felt at the same time as I was still able to ask my friend to hold my hand, or stay with with me, or asking "is this okay?". The more learnt whilst i was being carried gave me confidence to accept further fear. I then proceeded after enjoying the intense, then calming visuals, to walk out of my friend's room and into the bathroom where i entered what seemed like a realm of all my fears placed in pictures, paintings, books, then funny as it may seem to some (or maybe not if you're like me), I felt so relaxed, that I felt like I could do poo in my friend's toilet. I hate going in public places. I don't even like going at a freind's house. I get so anxious about it. The only reason I mention it is because it was part of my trip. The unusual comfortability of being able to shit in someone else's house. I then continued to look around the room and it felt like all my fears and traumas were being presented to me in a way, shape and form I had never seen them before. It's hard to explain but I felt like I could look at it all and I wasn't scared at all. I looked everywhere for more to see what else I was scared of. I stared it all in the face, then looked in the mirror and it was the first time I smiled at myself and liked what I saw completely. I was happy with who I was. That moment I will never forget.
Since then, I have been trying to reach that place of higher acceptance and ultimate purity of what I now believe is wholeness and unity on all planes.