Well, this is certainly a step up from my previous experiences... fate, maybe? I don't know.

Where do I begin...? Well, maybe from the beginning, I guess. That's a start, lol.

I was meditating two nights ago, with a tiger spirit nearby, and I decided, out of nowhere, to channel a crazy amount of energy through my palms. It flowed strongly up to my third eye chakra and through to my heart. The tiger spirit panickingly asked what was I doing?! and stuck a paw through my heart chakra, nullifying the strong flow of energy. The tiger spirit and one of my other spirit guides told me told that what I just did was quite dangerous and that I could has burnt out my energy channels and chakras. I felt okay for ten minutes, but then I started to feel quite strange and dull. Both spirits did various things to patch me up, but they could only do so much.

Then, they recommended that I have a shower, and go to bed. When I got in shower, I was in a state of physical, mental and spiritual numbness. My memory was going odd and hazy. Then, out of nowhere, the personification of my Shadow popped up, nose-to-nose with me, with manical grin and eyes. This personification of my Shadow had made itself known to me just after my last ayahuasca journey and had been arrogant and annoying, toying with my emotions, pushing me to and fro, like a mere plaything. But... it's still my Shadow. So, really, it's just me... torturing myself.

Anyway, he / it proceeded to stab me with a dark energy in my heart chakra. He then did the same for all chakras, except my third eye, which he left me to suffer with for a while. Then, he asked me if I had hope. I just stared at him and told him to do whatever he was going to do. I wasn't able to care anymore. The stab in the third eye chakra was... unpleasant, to say the least. I more or less became his puppet, with some free will left. My palms were stabbed, a knife of dark energy ripped down my torso, leaving me staggering in the shower.

At this point, I couldn't hear my spirit guides well, if at all. I could only hear echos from them, from somewhere. Vague memories floated through, trying to rekindle hope and vigour. I still couldn't care.

Eventually, somehow, when I was at the end of my rope, without being able to break free of the dark chains, my Shadow taunting me happily, imprinting an Evil Eye on my forehead, telling me to say goodbye to my sanity, my Shadow asked me if I really had nothing left. From somewhere within, I decided to pray with everything I had left to my higher Self and spirit guides. I noticed something on my left shoulder just after that. I couldn't feel its energy, but I could see its form, with my eyes closed.

It was a crow. It crowed once, then flew at my Shadow, crying like... an eagle? It flew, forming a vortex of air behind it, at my Shadow, then pivoted quickly at me, shattering the dark armour that bound me, with me feeling much lighter in the process. It then circled around back at my Shadow, which was rent in two. It then vanished altogether. But, as the Shadow is really myself... it doesn't go away.

Over the next two days, I was left feeling spiritually deadened and growing gradually more and more disconnected from myself. Tonight, I started to regress back to when I was depressed, losing all sense of hope. I wasn't myself, and what little I could sense of my spirit guides, they were majorly concerned as well. I couldn't feel much emotion...

They decided to be forceful and aggressively told me to wake the hell up to myself, that I am not alone, that I not lost, that I have friends, that I have support, them, friends in the physical and online. They lectured me hardcore... beat some bloody sense into me, they did. I am so very grateful... how could I forget how far I've come in life? They demanded that I look at where I've come to in my journey, not to fall into despair, not to give up, not to shrink back in cowardice, but to be proud of everything I've done in life, even the gravest of mistakes, because I wouldn't be where and who I am right now. A fucking wake-up call if I ever fucking needed it! I'm grateful, indeed!

Then, they told me to meditate, NOW, and to NOT run away, but to face myself with some courage and honour and be nothing but proud and firm in who I am, as a soul, and through that, find myself.

After I sat down in my meditation chair, I steadily felt a massive pressure on my third eye. It was a darkness that smothered everything; my thoughts, the faint voices of my spirit guides. They told me to surrender, that it would be okay.

I did so... and ended up having a powerfully coherent, undeniable conversation with a personification of my higher Self, who lectured me about who I was and wanted to be, and what I should do if I really want to succeed in the current stage of my soul's journey: I must help myself for others to help me. I must care about my life, and how I live it, because it matters, utmostly. It was like meeting with royalty, or something... before It finished, It reached towards me, and touched my heart chakra, and my whole being lit up. All my chakras and my palms blazed up in an amazing light show I could feel and see. I felt ablaze with energy and will.

Then, it came further towards me, and flew through my body, before bidding me farewell, and as Its presence faded, it reminded me to reflect deeply on our conversation.

My spirit guides, who had listened in the background, bounded up to me, reaffirming deeply that they were here for me, to never forget that they're always by my side, ready to support me.

Then... something curious happened. My consciousness shifted... and it felt like a much older, much wiser, deeper-voice presense had entered my being. It was me... and I was it; there was no separation or distinction. As this... being, I greeted the two spirit guides before like old friends. As this being, I noted to my spirit guides that I was the very same as the other... the current me-personality. It was almost like... the me from my previous life or something had intervened to speak to them, and to give me a chance to understand something.

As my consciousness shifted back to normal-me-as-I-am-now, the deeper, wiser voice told them something more, but I do not remember. Then, they greeted me again, with renewed vigour, reaffirming yet again what they had said before. Then, I distinctly felt the presense of the crow from last time. I could almost really see it, with my eyes open. It jumped down, and up, and crowed at me a few times, happily, and then jumped into my chest.

And then tiger and other spirit guide told me to write it all down... and typing is quicker for me, so here it is!

I am so, so very grateful for my life and where it has led me up till now.

Gracious thanks in advance for reading! ::

What a powerful experience, thank you for sharing

Thanks, Intezam, smoothmonkey! I never thought some of my most profound experiences would be when I'm not in the aya / DMT world!

you know...sometimes we purchase small items, like a suleymani beads, or a snuff bottles (for agar-wood oil/harmalas/spice/rape'...etc) to commemorate such an events....

I'll keep this in mind, Intezam. Thanks!