Introduction.

Hello there, I am AstraLex. I am ¾ Russian and ¼ Ukrainian. I was born in Belarus, where I spend 13.5 wonderful years. After which I moved to the Netherlands, where I live with my mother and have even more wonderful years I am 24 years old and I am a Psychology student at Leiden University.

I always wondered how the world, we live in, works and what is my place in it? Or, for instance, who am I really? And what happens after my physical death? You know, this kind of questions. That’s how I got rolled into the Lucid dreaming world and Astral Projection. But it requires a lot of patience and dedication to master those two disciplines. And then, about a year ago, I first heard about DMT. I knew immediately that I wanted to try DMT. From reading other people trip-reports, I got an idea that it was some kind of an Instant Lucid Dream machine.

As time past by, I read more and more about this magnificent molecule and at some point I decided that it was my time. I bought everything that I needed on the internet and got a lot of freebase JimJam (Q21Q21 tek).

Now it was time to experiment! I was using low doses of JimJam pretty much every day during a period of 1 month or something. I also noticed that you don’t need to wait 1 hour before smoking again. You can smoke as much as you want and the effects will somehow accumulate. About 2 weeks ago I have got my first breaktrough. I don’t remember very much from it, except that there was some kind of an elf who took me somewhere, where were all people/aliens/spirits dancing in a never-ending galaxy dance. And then some kind of an entity approached me and asked to participate with their singing/dancing. I accepted, but I guess I sucked big time while trying to cope up with their ‘song’. At some point, as JimJam was working out, they became more like ghosts. And I remember very clearly how I thought something like: ‘This is so cool, so exotic, so ecstasy. I wish I could stay here a little longer’

Of course, such an experience made me want to explore more. But for some point I couldn’t get myself to smoke a breakthrough dose again. When I smoked a low dose – no problem, just some cool visions and slightly distorted reality. But as I kept smoking more, I felt kind of anxious, not wanting to go any further. Like, you know, when you are standing in front of a really impressive rollercoaster. You don’t need to take that rollercoaster to know how it works. You can read about it in the literature, you can estimate it’s speed and how much pressure you will endure during the ride. You can even interview other people after they took a ride, asking how they felt etc. But the only one way to experience a rollercoaster is to take it.

And I really wanted to take that rollercoaster! I wanted to know, how deep the rabbit hole goes. I wanted to get the old shamanistic powers for myself and for the good of all mankind

Let’s put things clear. I am a logically thinking psychology student, I know pretty much about the working of the neurons in our brain and that sort of stuff. But, I also know that there is more to reality then the world that we can see trough our normal eyes, ears and other senses. I have had some very vivid and life-changing OBE’s which convinced me that I am more than my physical body and I can get information directly ‘into my head’, bypassing conventional senses which go through my physical eyes, ears, nose etc.

Now let’s return to DMT. I read dmt-nexus and erowid a lot about other people experiences, especially those where people claimed to have a really bad one. I examined all those experiences so I could learn from other people mistake’s. I also bought some MDMA crystals (around 100 mg). MDMA makes you not only feeling extremely well, but it also takes away lots of what I could call ‘Psychological defense mechanisms’. In fact, during the MDMA experience you are 100% real yourself. Exactly what I needed for my DMT voyage

So, yesterday was the judgment day, or better said ‘Judgment night’. Well, I can say you for sure, yesterday I experienced a really mystical experience. And it was really profound. Now I get it I mean, I really get it. I felt like Newton who got his apple on his forehead or like Buddha who stood up after meditating for 18 days straight. And I met ‘It’. You can call it a God, Aya, mother Nature, Cosmic Consciousness, Gaia or even my own Soul. In fact you can call it anything you want according to your own believe system. Because it IS everything. Ok, but let me start from the beginning of my adventure, so you could have at least an idea of what I felt, since it’s really beyond words. But I will try as best as I can to explain what I witnessed and I maybe it will help somebody out. In any way, it is also a great way for me to consolidate my experience from yesterday.

DMT trip report: ‘Now I get it!’ By AstraLex.

Ingridients:

100 mg of MDMA crystals
1 gram of Weed (marijuana)
+/- 2 gram freebase JimJam (don’t worry, in the end I didn’t need even 1/10 of it)

Saturday night, 23:00-24:00.

I just came home from my job (I am a student, but also have a job to have some extra money ). I ate some fruits and drunk some Chinese tea. After that I read the dmt-nexus and watched a few movies on youtube regarding Terence McKenna and his thoughts about our culture being an operating system, which can be upgraded or even re-formatted. By this time it was already almost 00:00 o’clock and I decided that it was time to get going.

Saturday night, 00:00-1:00.

I have gathered my schoolbag in which I put everything I needed to go: 2 liters of water, 1 bottle of ice tea, MDMA crystals, JimJam + smoking gear, my camera, a few pieces of paper + 2 ballpoints (in case I would need to make some note’s or drawings of something really important), my mp3-player (fully loaded with Psy Trance), a pair of dry socks (in case my feet gets wet), an icon (Saint Elena) and a couple of other things that I might need while walking in the wood.

After I gathered everything I needed, I stayed for a couple of minutes in my own room. This is it. So, I was thinking in a way like: ok, I am going to have a breakthrough, I am going to some divine place where time ceases to exist. I also knew, from reading other people reports, is that you get what you want, somehow. But in the same time you don’t have any control over it and you have to surrender to ‘something’. So I formulated my intention, which I kept repeating until the very moment when I started smoking DMT. My intentions were:

1. I don’t want to get distracted by ‘aliens’ or ‘dancing’ or ‘singing’. I want to go to the very source of it. While saying this to myself, I felt awe, because it felt as if I am really going to. And the funny part is, in a way I really accomplished this.

2. I want to maintain 100% focus, lucidity and consciousness, so I would remember as much as possible and then write it all down for you guys

3. I am ready to surrender to whatever power will get me. From a very young age I am a fan of fantasy books (like The Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter and much more less known examples). In all of this books were mages or people who could do some magic. I was fascinated by them, how they bravely traveled to the other dimensions, to the spirit world, to the death world. Fought demons on their own ground and ultimately got even more magic power. I guarantee you, yesterday I felt myself like one of those mages. It was no more: ‘Imagine yourself being a mage’ like I was young, I really felt like being one.

4. ‘Dear Lord, in your hands, I command my spirit.’ This was probably the most ingénues part of my plan. When I was a 7-10 years old boy, I went every Sunday to the church with my mother. Also, I attended the Sunday school at the very same church, where I learned about the God Ways and the spirituality (in it’s Christhood form of course, but as I learned yesterday, it didn’t matter at all). Of course, since I got into the teenage hood, I stopped going to the church or do anything according to the Christhood tradition. In fact, the only thing that I always kept doing, was a short prayer before going to bed every night. But yesterday it felt so different. You see, I came to the following realization: every religion or a spiritual tradition learn you how to connect to the Spirit World (I like this definition the most) and to feel it. I still remember, how I was standing in the church for hours, praying, and then, at the end, I would certainly feel some kind of bliss. And the ‘bliss’ feeling is really beyond words also, you just feel great and at peace with the world and the only thing you really want is to be a good person and live in harmony with the world. That kind of feeling.

Anyway, I came to conclusion, that we all are able to tap from this magnificent Source of Spirituality, but everybody gets an another interpretation of it’s content, according to his/her background culture and spiritual tradition. So, why should I try to go with some kind of Alien explanation, Animism explanation, Pleiadians explanations, Kabbalah, Buddhism and other traditions/mind-sets where I don’t know much about? While they all must be referring to the same source! So, I decided to go for my Christ mindset. A mindset of a pure, innocent 7-years old boy, who I once was, who truly believed in our Saver Jesus Christ. A boy, who really meant it when he prayed to God: ‘Dear Lord, in your hands, I command my spirit’ and that kind of stuff. I really believed in the all-loving God, to whom we will return upon our death and that there is no better entity to which I should trust my soul. Hehe, in fact, I believe it even more now

So, yesterday, I turned into my old self. Deeply believing in God and that no harm could happen to me, as long as I kept Jesus in my heart. And boy, I am so glad I did! Really, if it was not for Jesus, I would most definitely gone insane yesterday. Or so it felt

Saturday night, 1:00-2:00.

I put my bag in my car and drove to a wood/recreational area not far away from my house. First, I smoked a joint, to calm my mind. Than I pulled my MDMA crystals in a red empty capsule and swallowed it through with some ice tea. Then I rolled one more joint to take with me. It was about 1:40 when I left my car behind. Now I was on foot, with a bag pack, in the midst of a woody natural recreational area. I swear I felt like Gandalf or Merlin, who was going al alone to the Middle of Nowhere (World’s End?). A picture of a mage with his bag on his back, traveling the world, was going through my head over and over again. And it felt great. Like I was making my own life. You know, I always liked the stability. For many years, I dreamed of a life like this: when I am ready with university, I am going to have a nice work with stable worktimes, like 8:00-17:00, every Monday till Friday. So I would have stable free time, which I would be able to spend as I want (=smoking weed and playing computer games ). A complete segregation of work and private life. I always laugh about people who are capable of just following their hearts. People, who don’t seem to have any segregation in their work and private life. They can simply stand up, leave their house and go live in Australia or New Zealand for like 2 years. Just because they feel like they want it to do. I was always like: don’t you fear that you won’t be able to get a good job there? Aren’t you afraid you would miss your friends? And your computer? And how about drugs, which will be probably less available there then here in Holland? And lots of other concerns like that.

But since a few months, I started to think differently. I started to see my life as a circle, where I somehow have been dropped. And that the only really way to live your life is to let your soul/heart speak. Look what you want in the life. And just do it, don’t worry about anything like your salary or workload. If you like something, I mean you really like something, you WILL get good at it. And since you are good at it, you will get fame, money, respect and whatever else you may want. And the funny thing is, while you are doing ‘your thing’, you don’t really need al those other materialistic non-sense like money. You are happy in the process, there is no greater goal or satisfaction then doing ‘your thing’. That’s why people who are not doing their thing, who are not following their Calling, their Soul mission, who let their pleasure-seeking ego stand in their way, will never be truly happy. It seems to me that our ego likes to control everything, it sets goals which we are supposed to attain to get happy. Like: you need to get that promotion, that’s your goal, achieve it and be happy. Or: that’s the girl of your dreams, do anything to get her, maybe even merry her, and you will be happy.

Ok, you say to yourself. Let’s get going. You start to work very hard, lick the ass of your boss, you are putting tremendous amounts of energy in the process, which is not satisfactory in it’s own. In fact, you hate it to lick other people asses or to blackmail your colleagues who could get ‘your’ promotion. But that’s how ego thinks the world works: you set a goal, design a plan and then you have to follow your plan, maybe change it a bit, but still it’s ‘your’ plan. What ego doesn’t know, is that it’s knowledge is extremely, very extremely limited. You think you know a lot, you maybe fluently speaking a few foreign languages, know math, learned a lot of history, watch ‘Discovery’ every day and follow the world news. So, you are tempted to think that you know a lot and you have clear picture of the world around you. Well, believe me, yesterday I have had en enlighten moment and your ego doesn’t know a shit! Sorry to resorting to swear words, but I guess they will capture the essence of what I understood. Your ego doesn’t know a fuck! And by studying hard (like attaining a university), you only fool yourself into believing that you know how the world works. Let’s imagine the following metaphor: ‘To know how the world works, you would need to drink up a whole ocean. People who lived like 10 000 years ago didn’t have school, universities or even science! So, let’s say, during their lifetime, they could possibly drink like 2-3 liters of that World Wisdom Ocean Water. Now, we have schools, science, universities, TV’s, internet etc. So, let’s say, if we really want to get knowledge in our modern time, we could drink maybe 200-300 liters of that Wisdom. It will be x100 times more than our ‘primitive’ ancestors ever could get! But it’s still NOTHING, ABSOLUTELLY NOTHING, compared to BILLIONS OF LITERS of water that there are still in the Ocean. And you will never drink even 1% of it, no matter how hard you try!!! But our ego somehow got fooled to believe only in the first sentence (that we are, or at least have the potential, to become x100 times more intelligent than people in the Middle Age’s or something) and it totally ignores the second sentence (that even 200 liter of water are nothing compared to a whole ocean). Even more so, ego really thinks that there is nothing more left to learn. That it’s picture of the world is complete. Well, I was tempted to think in the same way and yesterday proved me, let’s say, wrong

Coming back to my ‘promotion’ example. I guess you already know where I am going. Yes, even if you get your promotion after all that hard work, you satisfaction feeling (=happiness) will disappear very quickly. You may be very happy the first time, telling everybody about your new function and your new salary. You may even get a happy feeling from calculating how much extra spare-money you will have every month now. But even that kind of happy feeling will disappear. And what will stay is emptiness. And you don’t like emptiness because it directly leads to feelings of apathy, depression, burn-out, having no purpose in life etc. So guess what? Your ego sets up a new plan You think it’s you, but it really isn’t you, it’s that pleasure-seeking thing in your head, which is afraid of losing control and dying. ‘Real you’ (or ID in psychology) is in fact not showing itself much. While on DMT however, you get an ability to go to your ID directly, where it’s just another part of the Dance of Life. You feel yourself like a water drop in an ocean, and you know that you are just that. A part of the whole and the whole is everything. But I will get into the detail a little bit later.

Saturday night, 2:00-3:00.

While walking, I smoked another joint. I felt great. The MDMA was really kicking in and it made me want to go as far as possible. At around 2:30 I found a nice place for me to set up. It was covered by trees and long grass, so I was sure that I wouldn’t be seen there (it was very warm yesterday, so some people were outside even at night). From my position I heard a guy talking and a girl laughing, both pretty drunk. I couldn’t understand where were they talking about, but seemingly they just enjoyed each other. I had to smile while thinking of them and of my own mission. Really another dimension

So, I set up a small camp. I put a piece of cotton on the ground and set down in a lotus position (well, it’s not really a lotus, but it’s as far as I can get my legs without feeling discomfort ). I put the icon in front of me. Then I rolled my 3rd joint and smoked it. I gathered myself. I have done this by mentally thinking of me as of being many-many persons at the same time. I saw a lot of myself: older, younger, aggressive, loving etc. And I told them: I hope everybody here understands the importance of what we are going to do, so I need everybody, every piece of me to be present. And they agreed They were all nodding with their heads up and down, like they totally agreed with me. I saw that despite their differences (I even saw myself as an aggressive pirate, never thought I have that piece in me ) they al were excited and nervous at the same time. Oh boy, I really love MDMA, it makes you feel so complete, so yourself, so unbound of fear and illusions, grid and filth of everyday life.

After mentally gathering myself, I put a prayer to God and to Jesus Christ. I said (and I really meant it) – I believe in you, my Lord, I command my spirit in your hands. Whatever happens to me, I will be ensured that everything will be ok as long as I am in your hands. I believe in Jesus Christ, our Saver. It might be that I will meet demons, mantis or whatever evil beings are in there, but I trust that no harm can happen to me, because I believe in you and I know that You will always be near me, to whatever place I might go. I also prayed that if this Source really holds the Ultimate Raw Information, than I don’t want to see aliens and that kind of science-fiction crap. I want to get a Christhood interpretation of whatever happens. With angels or demons, or anything I can relate too according to my own culture and spiritual tradition. Let those fancy aliens for the atheists

Now I was ready, I did everything I could to prepare myself, now it was time to learn the Truth. And boy, I did.

Saturday night, 3:00-4:00.

So, the judgment hour has come. I stretched my legs for the last time and went into lotus position, then I loaded my bong with some JimJam (I didn’t measure how much exactly). And I took 3 not-so-deep puffs. Then I closed my eyes and took of. It felt very common, like I saw all this things many times before. I could say that you get to see always the same old story (I am have done low doses of JimJam for like a 1 month now, remember, so I got very much at home with floating through JimJam. And tonight was also very special, because I kept the picture of Jesus Christ in my imagination, or better said a mental representation of me, truly believing in the almighty God and feeling secure under his protection. And it was VERY comforting. In fact, I never felt so secure about myself, like then. I knew that even death wouldn’t scare me, because God was with me.

So, there I was. Floating in lotus position through hyperspace a la Buddha, thinking about Jesus . It was the same hyperspace as always. For me, it looks like it is made out of those huge Pillars of Life. There are like pillars, or lines everywhere and they exists out of faces/body’s. At first I found them very alien and a bit scary, but now I was on MDMA and with Jesus in my heart. So I cared to look and examine them very closely, and as more I examined them, the more I found them to represent the spirits of people! I mean real people, who lived and now died, or still have to be born. Something like this. And those pillars are ALWAYS spinning. Always. There is no moment that they don’t spin around. And there are a lot of those pillars, the whole world seems to exist out of those pillars. They are different pillars, but they seem to spin/work completely simultaneously, like they are all part of the same wave or force. Ok, I thought, so far so good. I think I am ready for a breakthrough. I wanted to feel like Buddha and ‘just get it’, become enlightened.

So, I loaded a huge amount of JimJam in my bong. I took one enormous hit and don’t even remember how I exhaled it. I was back in the JimJam hyperspace. But now the spinning started to slow down. In the normal state, those pillars are spinning like crazy, but now they slowed down more and more. I could clearly see the people/spirits out of which every pillar was made. I kept repeating to myself: “Maintain 100% focus, remember everything you see, every detail. Jesus be merciful with me.’ So, the Pillars of Life were spinning slower and slower. And at a certain moment they stopped spinning completely. The content of the pillars have somehow merged with the world. And then I understood. I got it. I became enlightened. At this point I opened my eyes since it didn’t matter anymore, I saw the same merged world with my eyes open or close. And then, some thing happened what I always wanted to happen, but it scared me never the less.

What I have experienced then goes beyond words, believes and it definitely goes beyond sanity. I was finding myself in a place where no time exists. And I was saying: ‘Now I get it! Of course, thank you guys, how could I ever possibly have forgotten this?’. This is what the other people on the forum call a breakthrough, or enlightened moment. I even helped one pair of those spirits to walk from their pillar into the world (they looked like 2 ballet dancers, one male and one female, from an old black-white picture) I am seriously, they were all VERY glad that I am not afraid of them. Hehe and the funny part is, I felt like I am one of them. And that I come from this very same place, but it was ME who became alienated to them and not otherwise! I felt like those guy who went to a war and had a personality shift or something, so that upon returning home he feels extremely cut of and can’t make any sense of what is going on, while before going to war he was just a part of that normal life and even quit enjoyed it. Now I felt like those soldier, I was standing in the midst of a spirit world with spirits of all sorts all around me, and I felt like I was a drop in the great ocean. But man, what was this ocean feeling weird after you left it for so long, but nevertheless it’s still my home world. Ok, you think it’s weird? Well it is going to get x3000000 more weird/complicated.

You see, that Great Spirit Ocean where we all are a part of, has it’s own consciousness. And it’s Everywhere. It is Everything. So it’s also in your head. You are a part of that world, and everything you think., every single thing you have experienced in your life, that Great Consciousness knows it all. And you know that is knows I mean how could it be otherwise, because it is everywhere. And you can’t escape it, you can’t close your eyes or distract yourself, since when you are in the Spirit World, you become a part of that Consciousness. This is the World’s End. This is why experienced DMT users say that you don’t need to take that experience lightly. It is life-changing. Just being there and feeling as a part of that Consciousness feels so weird, so magnificent, so cool and terrifying at the same time. But it, that Consciousness, lets call it She (for me it was speaking with a clear woman voice, a very irritated woman voice ), was speaking to me. You can’t call it real speaking though, since it’s everywhere, also in your head. So you just hear/feel/see it. I have tried to remember our conversation as good as possible, however some details may be lost due to the fact that I was pretty much impressed and it was difficult sometimes to maintain focus and concentration.

- [Me]: “Wow guys, how could I ever forgotten this. Now I understand, this is what they mean with ‘get it’. Thanks a lot, so now I have witnessed this again, I should go.”

- [She]: “No you don’t. You wanted to know how it is to be like Buddha, to be enlightened, ‘to get it’. Well, this is the last time we do this for you ‘just for fun’. Now you will stay here as long as we find necessary.”

- [Me]: I was sweating like hell. I was by that time convinced, that I was chosen to be a new Prophet. That I will walk around the world for the whole time like this. In a constant feeling of ‘Now I get it!’ I tried to ‘look away’ from Her, but it was impossible. She was everywhere and she was everything. Every tree, every bush, every flower consisted out of her. Even on my shoes I found a spirit, who was gazing at me with Her look. In fact, anywhere you could look, you saw Her. But then, there was like flits in my head: ‘Jesus Chirst’. And immediately I found myself in a much more peaceful and comfortable position, in fact, this was the first time during my stay there, that I felt myself not so upset. And She felt it, because every my thought was also Her thought, and every memory of my were Her memories. So as soon as I thought about Jesus, She replied.

- [She]: “It is very good that you have brought this mindset with you this time’. She gestured at my icon, which was still lying in front of me, but looked ‘spirit-like’, as everything else. ‘Last time you were here, you was totally flipping out. Now you have at least the peace to accept your position here and to keep thinking in stead of being perplexed by terror.”

- [Me]: At this point I realized that all religions are true. As long as they can prepare you for the life to come. And in that life there is no place for your ego, sorry. You have to accept your destiny blindly, you can’t do anything at your ‘own will’. If you are not prepared to accept whatever is coming, if you are not ready to become one of those drops in a great ocean, then you will try to fight/struggle against it. And this will make your entire afterlife into a Hell, because this is a fight you can’t win and I even saw how pathetic your attempts look when you are there. However, if you accept to follow whatever this Higher Consciousness wants from you, you will get a pretty peaceful and nice afterlife. In the past, I was tempted to think, that whenever somebody dies, he immediately ‘gets it’. Not true, you are still the same you and you are scared to Hell. In fact, if I was not thinking of Jesus, I would have sat there in a complete terror, wishing this crap to stop It’s so unbelievably overwhelming, you just have no words for it. Complete awe. I think this is the major point of all our spirituality teachings: to get in touch with the cosmos while still alive, so you would gradually learn to accept it’s greatness. And in the end, when you time has come, you should have much less troubles to accept your place in the Universe/Cosmos, despite the great ego and illusions you have build up during your lifetime. Surrender and let go. So I proceeded with my questions. Really, just saying something, took a lot of courage from my side, I was still in a state of shock/awe. So I asked: “I wanted to know how far it goes, this breakthrough. How deep is the rabbit hole. Where will it take me. I heard a lot about aliens, other worlds and this kind of stuff, so I wanted to see it for myself.”

- [She]: She sounded pretty irritated, like she needs to explain something what She already told a lot of times. It went like this: “This is it, there is no more breakthrough.” And then She showed me all those Pillars of Life that I saw all the time. And she started to spin them slower, faster, slower, faster, slower, faster. And so maybe a couple of times. And every time She did this, it was like the JimJam world was merging with the ‘real world’ and then un-merging again. She did this probably 10 times or so, so I would ‘get it’. And she proceeded: “You see? This is The world. I could fold/unfold it millions of times, and it will still be the same world. And there is nothing more to breakthrough. If you want to tell others about what you witnessed, say what you saw here, otherwise you are telling bullshit”. I knew immediately that she was referring to my other theories about aliens and the other worlds which I wanted to see so badly Then She showed me some kind of a place, where all of those lines/pillars were merging into complete blackness. Is this what you guys call ‘The Void?” For me, it looked as if all those JimJam lines cease to exist as soon as they hit this total blackness.

I am sure that there was more that I saw/heard, but that’s all I could clearly remember. Or have found adequate words for. Because that whole experience is beyond words. Really, I still remember how extremely weird it feels to be there. To have Her in my head. And to know that I have to accept it and can’t run.

And really, I thought that this time-less chamber was some kind of a portal to other worlds. That you would feel like a space-traveler from the movies. Travelling across the worlds, while maintaining full integrity of my own self. While on DMT, I found out that you not only travel to the Spirit World, but you become a part of it for the duration of the trip. And there was nothing on earth what could ever prepare me for it, nothing. The feeling is completely alien, so I guess I know why atheists are talking about ‘aliens’ or animists talking about ‘animal spirits’. This place IS truly everything.

And I am still getting a cold shiver when I think about the experience of yesterday. How I ‘got it’. How I wanted to leave that scary place as soon as I ‘got it’. How She was Everywhere and telling me that I can’t go back. How she told me that this is really the last time She does it for me ‘just for fun’. Meaning that I go to the Spirit World just to get a breakthrough, just to feel again how it feels. Without any special purpose. As if making it clear, that I should come here/there only if I had very, very, very good reasons to. And never just for fun, since She is going to make sure that I will never forget how it feels to get trough. So I can’t use that excuse again while coming there.

Oh dear Jesus Christ, I am so glad I have not forsaken you. Because it was Him who gave me the power to remain myself and even have a discussion in such a weird place. Even She told me that I did a good work at bringing Jesus with, since it was the first time when I was not freaking out just because She was everywhere or something Hehe you can’t believe how nice it is to get compliments when you are there, in the Spirit World. Getting compliments from Her Also, I came to accept my new role as the Shaman (= in Siberian it means ‘The One who Knows’). True, absolutely true. You are not simply guessing something, you see the world as it really is. Everywhere, every single quantum is alive. And it has it’s own consciousness, Her consciousness. And I saw the world as a Shaman probably sees it. Spirits were everywhere. And She was talking trough every spirit, trough every atom.

Saturday night, 4:00-5:30.

I have got my revelation at around 4:00 o’clock. At 4:04 I decided to stand up and make me ready to go back. And so I went back to my car. At 4:28 I was still seeing Her and hearing Her trough every spirit, but not so vivid anymore. She was slowly moving out of my head, making place for my, hmmmm, ego? So...

Wow, what an amazing read! Thank you so much for sharing. It sounds like a really wonderful experience, and I can relate to several parts of it. I love the fact that you put the MDMA in a red capsule!

This has to be one of the best introductions I have seen in here, so it is my honour to grant you a full membership! Welcome in, I hope you will have a great stay here and that your future travels will bring you more of what you seek!

With love,
Evening Glory

Thank you, Evening Glory

Yes, I went to a Headshop in Rotterdam like 1 year ago and there I got a pack of red capsules free of charge and I still get a funny feeling while using them for anything

Oh yes, I am here to stay I feel like this is a great place for me to hang out. I accept my life and my destiny, may Love guide us al.

p.s. I am still shivering while thinking of being there with Her, of seeing our world through her eyes. I think it will take some time for me to integrate that experience

Just another metaphor for Her. My first impression of Her was…that She was my mother and I did something wrong and she was reading me a lesson And she knows everything. I will try to explain. Think of Her not only as Super Consciousness, but also as Super Conscience, which is always right, always. In the real world, when somebody asks you an awkward questions, that you don’t want to answer or even think about, you can simply say: ‘I don’t want to answer this question.’ Or you can run away from the person who asks you such a question. Or you could try to fight him/her. There are a lot of things you could do in a normal life to avoid some difficult questions. In psychology, we call them Psychological Defense Mechanisms. Which are, in fact, your ego.

And as I said, there is no place for ego in the Spirit World. Really, when I was sitting in my wannabe lotus in front of Her, while She was also al around me, in my thoughts, everywhere, I had to laugh about my possible ego responses.

Thank you.
This is the most affected I have ever been by someones else's experience.
There is beauty in your words.
So....thank you.

nice work AstraLex, that was a good read

Welcome welcome welcome AstraLex. It is great to have people who write like you do on the Nexus. It isn't often I will read a post that long!!

I was interested to hear about your combo with MDMA. I also think MDMA is a great mindset to start your journey with spice from. It seems to get a bit of negative feedback from most people on the Nexus, but I personally think it is a great enabler for you to loose ego, and become focused and receptive to the experience. Did you get any negativity from the combo?

The first paragraph I quoted from your post reminded me of a quote from Ricky in the film American Beauty.

"That’s the day I realized that there was this entire life behind things, and this incredibly benevolent force that wanted me to know there was no reason to be afraid. Ever."

The second paragraph of yours that I quoted made me think of an experience I had, when breaking through. I was completely blown away by what I was seeing, but then I came to realise that what I was seeing was me, and that I reflected the universe. It was a magical feeling, this realising that I myself am part of the DMT experience and wonderment of it all.

Anyway, great read, thankyou again AstraLux, I'm sure I'll enjoy chatting with you here.

First class post.

I think what happens is a reunion of the Me and the Other into one. But even then, the story still plays itself in "my" mind. The metaphors used for communication are my metaphors, it's all built on my memories, things I already know (and things I can know). It's very personal and universal at the same time.

It's interesting that intention plays such a large part in the process. Intention obviously directs the experience. The mind is like a river flowing, but what determines the direction, the next step it takes? The appearance of Jesus Christ as your saviour at a critical point feels like some guide applying a drop of a powerful tincture, letting it fall into your thought stream, recoloring it in an instant, making it switch to another path. Ancient archetypes being used as reality controllers.

In my own experience, awe is one of the most powerful such controllers. When you can stand in front of what you witness with the awe of a child, that tends to open up secrets which are truly sacred...

You really toched me with this report and its not often i can say
Very nice reading and i hope to read more from you
Thx for sharing

Big thanks to all of you for reading and commenting my humble experience

Now, 1 week later, it seems I have managed to fully integrate the whole experience into my life. I even have started preparing myself for the next Great Journey, which will take place in 2-3 weeks time from now on I have learned my lesson and now take my time to fully prepare myself for the Mystery to come

Of course, I will post a report as soon as I am ready. The MDMA + DMT combo went extremely well. In fact, I am planning to do it again the next time. No pre-flight anxiety, being 100% yourself and lack of fear makes you wanna go really, really deep. I liked it very, very much and I think that MDMA will become my personal guide for the DMT journeys yet to come. At least until I will feel myself comfortable enough to go 'There' alone, without any syntetic aides

Love and peace to all of ya

That is exactly how she can make me feel. She is everything, she is like a lover, mother and goddess all in one (hope that didn't sound gross). Great write up and I'm glad to hear that the combo went well, I know you just turned on a light bulb in my head by using MDMA to soften the ego before entry... :idea:

Good essay.
I did not have time to finish reading your report but it sounds nice so far.

Welcome to the nexus.

Great report!

I really feel like I've been there, just not with DMT. I can't help but think it sounds VERY VERY much like three of my deepest Salvia trips. I know, salvia is nothing like DMT but the content of your report is soo familiar. The turning spirit pillars of the world, the all encompassing Super Consciousness Mother being.

Yes, she's Super Conscience. I can't hide or ignore her questions and judgment, she knows what you need to do or how to be. She knows you and is you.

"I could fold/unfold it millions of times, and it will still be the same world" Nice!

6 years later this report helped someone. Thank you very much.
I have an extremely strong religious base and just considering it has been extremely difficult.

When you said "You prayed and meant it". I have been there and done that, just stopped before crossing after changing my mind and wanting to know more first.

Not everything is a parallel, I am quite a bit older. But it sounds like you made it perfect for you and you were able to conquer a lot of fears I had been dealing with. The other parallel was work, I work all the time. But I love what I do and would do it for fun if I didn't have to. But I had that revelation a long time ago and at 30 went back to college.

I thought I was alone in this in that manner. It's nice to see I was wrong. I am glad I looked back in time or I would have never have found this. I think there is insight and peace here. Thank you for sharing and leaving it up. I had wondered about prayer and faith there.

-SC

Hey EssCee,

Talking about coincidences here - just three days ago I was browsing my own profile and saw that there is a tab called "Introduction Essay". I clicked on it and saw my own introduction essay, which I read again for the first time since many years. Imagine my surprise when I saw, one day later, that you have posted a reply to it! What a synchronism! And I am very glad that my 6 years old post have been of use to you

In relation to fear: I have noticed that fear is actually a good thing. Unless you are suffering from an anxiety disorder, fear is a perfectly healthy response of your body to danger. The so called pre-flight anxiety people experience before taking breakthrough doses of DMT is, in fact, a warning from your subconsciousness: "Stop, before it's too late". There is nothing heroic about conquering this kind of fear, I would even call it reckless now. But, I guess, I was quite young, naive and prone to taking unwarranted risks 6 years ago.

I am, however, thankful to DMT for helping me to re-discover my Eastern Orthodox faith. Now God helps and guides me through my life and I am happy with everything I am doing, be it work, study, going out with friends or simply sitting behind my computer typing this text

Wow... I'm very glad this thread was re-activated and that I got to read this amazing account

Beautifully written, and very relate-able. You captured 'Her' perfectly.

Thank you

Very nice post

Hi AstraLex,

Just in case you are still posting here. Your post was very interesting and you write very well. I was wondering if you could explain all about this in more detail though, because it seems to contradict a bit your views in the original post? And kind of left us all on a mysterious note? It seems you have a really interesting and unusual perspective, but didn't explain it.

Thanks (just in case you still post)!

Yes, I am still posting. "You can check out anytime you like but you can never leave".

At the time of my original post more than 8 years ago, I was under the impression that any fear signals a nonalignment in my psyche, a kind of a mental block that disallows me to grow and expand. Therefore, all fear must be conquered.

Right now, I see fear differently. Fear is nothing more than a danger signal from your body. If you are standing on a roof of a high building, it is perfectly normal to experience fear, which means "grave danger is ahead, please be cautious". Of course, you can "conquer" your fear by jumping from the roof, but then you will have to face the consequences...

The pre-flight anxiety is just that: a warning that taking a breakthrough dose of DMT is dangerous. But why is it dangerous, if breaking through leads to a spiritual growth, which is a good thing? Because it is real. You are actually leaving this plane of existence, go to the Spirit World and come in contact with/conjure real, independent, intelligent entities. And those entities, or at least a portion of them, are not benevolent and will try to harm you.

Personally, I have worked with the entities for many years, and even though they indeed provide you with (real life, verifiable) knowledge, which equals to power, they are not your friends. In the long term, they ask more from you than you get in return. Actually, "selling your soul to the devil" is not such a far-fetched analogy to describe the working environment with the entities.

Interestingly, my body sensed the danger posed by the entities all along and signaled to me with the feelings ranging from mild anxiety to terror, but I ignored these warnings. At some point, when the entities and you make a permanent connection (i.e. you become hardwired to the Spirit World, no drugs needed), going back is not really an option anymore. You can read my trip report when this hard-wiring had take place with me: I am hardwired to Hyperspace/My Real Self. Permanently. No turning back now.

Hi AstraLex! Thanks for replying. I'm happy you're still posting.

I read your posts afterwards (after seeing this one which scared me). The whole story was very interesting in a way which I found worrying, and I was thinking about it for days afterwards - actually your posts scared me so I've been thinking about it all week.

I even tried to interpret your posts here:
https://www.dmt-nexus.me...m=924340&#post924340

But I'm not sure if my summary was doing justice to your experience.

This is what I've been wondering about. Are they real, or part of the collective unconscious? And what is the evidence for the former?

And likewise, are characters in our dreams real, or are we experiencing other parts of our mind?

I've had experiences where my dreams have predicted the future, in ways which are completely impossible (could not be coincidence).

I've also had one completely real paranormal experience in childhood (where there was a real physical effect in the room).

So for that reason, I'm not a materialist about these things, as I know something is going on that is impossible to explain on a purely materialist basis.

On the other hand, I'm sure from dreams that our minds themselves are infinitely complex and vast. So the idea that entities could be part of our own mind is also not impossible to me.

-

Another interesting thing is how many people (I've been reading the reports here) experience the same entities. Some themes, such jesters giving people strange gifts in the form of impossible shapes, are very frequent. This could either support the idea of a collective unconscious, or an independent existence to these.

In either case, it's fascinating (and a bit scary to me). One of my earliest memories from when I was 3 years old, was being terrified of a clown, even though I'd never seen one before.