DmnStr8 wrote:
The shaman's prayer
I am already given to the power that rules my fate
I cling to nothing, so I have nothing to defend
I have no thoughts, so I will see
I fear nothing, so I will remember myself
Detached and at ease, I will dart past the eagle
To be free
That is beautiful. I'm going to memorise that.
I have generally been useless for my friends in helping them through awkward stages, or at least I have believed I have. I had always been happy, and lucky. So when they had problems, and issues I had no way to relate to them.
My grandmother said "think lucky, and you will be lucky". She knew a thing or two.
A year ago, though, I realised I was depressed - it crept up on me and was so alien to how I saw myself. What I had lost was meaning. My wife told me I needed a goal - something to strive towards in order to eliminate the lack of meaning.
I disagreed as I could not think of anything I wanted, or could realitically achieve, but she was right - I was thinking I needed a goal that would make me happy when I got it. That was not the point I now realise.
Never think it is the goal that makes you happy (this mistake leaves many in anguish throughout their lives for not having that goal) - it is not.
The intent and striving is what makes you happy, and seeing all the beauty in that journey.Choose a goal that is out of reach, or even a goal that potentially does not exist - aim high. Success may never happen, but whilst you exist neither does failure.
Choose a goal with meaning, meaning to you. Don't care if others don't share that meaning, don't pick it to impress your friends, or because society says that it should be your goal, or because morals say it is right, choose it for you.
Enjoy every step closer to it, and learn from every step back - a step back is just a chance to experience taking that step again.
I think this applies even to the small goals in life, like wanting some food: Enjoy the hunger and anticipation, enjoy choosing or finding what to eat, enjoy eating it, enjoy digestion. Satiation at the end is sort of a non-experience that does not bring happiness in itself except through the memory of the journey.
Don't get angry, others may try and stop you, others may be against your goal - that is their choice, and the obstacles they provide is colour and beauty to your journey; there is a lot to learn from them.
Don't be envious of those who seem further along, or seem to have achieved your goal, learn from them - they are there to show you where you will be and show you options of how you can choose your journey which will be different to theirs. Don't be put off if they seem unhappy, perhaps they just have no new goal or the goal did not have meaning to them. Don't compare yourself or judge yourself not worthy or incapable, (this is just another way of saying you have not achieved it yet, which you already knew).
Change your goal if you change. The journey will change you, and you may see possibilities of new goals as you gain wisdom, or the goal no longer has the same meaning - but think deeply, make sure you are not just giving up. Or take a break whilst you pursue a side-quest and come back to it.
But definitely do not follow your goal if it has now no meaning for you, many do this: One may strive to be rich, but once they are comfortable more money has no meaning yet they still strive for more, and more, not knowing that they need a new goal, the journey does not make them happy any more and the goal will not either but they don't change.
I keep saying to myself, that life is like a great movie, or great story - no great story is about someone who has everything and sits there just being happy, generally they are about a striving to overcome a problem - we love those stories, that's what makes us happy - the journey, the fight, the losses, and the return from adversity. Films usually have a negative dip where all seems to be going wrong and the hero seems to be losing, this is purely there to accentuate the success and make it so much more powerful so long as the hero still believes and keeps going. Even if the hero fails in the end, the story is still a thing of beauty and meaning. Depending on how reality works though, there may not be any ending to your existence, just different chapters.
Wow, not sure where that came from, I think I just wrote that for me. Hope its useful.
I speak as if it were fact, but indeed this is just the insane ramblings of my ego - but my inner self seems to be nodding.