spacexplorer wrote:RhythmSpring wrote:The first time I did Salvia tea, I thought to myself, "This has been so powerful, I know deep down inside that I won't need to do this again for a looooooooooooooooooooong time, if ever. I just need to put out, and be in reality now."
About 5 days later, I did it again and experienced the worst depersonalization/derealization I could imagine. It's lasted for a very very long time. Of course there were other factors, such as a missed romantic opportunity, but it was certainly connected to the choice to drink again.
~
I also got the message from a deep Syrian Rue trip that the computer/internet is literally killing me. And a recent ayahuasca trip with Rue showed me how the internet/computer is sucking the very life force out of me.
I am writing this because I believe it is never too late to heal, aka, take a looong break from the computer. I haven't taken ayahuasca in over a week, but last night I had a dream-message about how simple it is "turn off the channel" of the internet. The internet is so fascinating with all its promises of knowledge, but for some people, it is a drain on their life.
You know who you are.
See you on the other side,
RS
~
hows it sucking the life??
When using the computer becomes a tool for procrastination and avoidance. When you rationalize to yourself "If I learn more, I'll be happier/a better person/more effective/productive," or "If I make myself present on facebook, I'll be more socially available," or "Okay, I'll check my email ONE last time," or "The DMT-Nexus has all this valuable information that enhances my life," when you have already spent days consuming trip reports on erowid and know how to procure life-changing psychedelic substances... what else do you need???
When you take a step back and remember your animal self, born from the womb naked and relatively thoughtless, and you take stock of your life and analyze just exactly how internet usage has changed it, well, at least for me, I remember being MUCH happier when I wasn't using it so much.
When you take ayahuasca and it shows you yourself, hunching in front of the computer screen with its glow on your face, all alone in your apartment, and your *attention,* your *awareness,* your *mindfulness* being drawn into this imaginary world of thoughts and lights and images, not real reality, but instead thousands of representations of it, and you realize that your awareness, your consciousness is a precious commodity, and that the internet absorbs it, and your time.
When you realize that you are SO much bigger than the words you type, so much bigger than the things you see or read or hear and relate to, when you realize that you are HUGE, that your soul is gigantic and barely fits in your very body, and could not ever be translated digitally, no matter how complex the technology gets.
When you remember that your presence is invaluable, and that anything you do on the internet, including typing on a forum such as the DMT-Nexus, is without your presence.
When you realize that the greater proximity to the computer, the less you can remember what your intentions are, whether they are for that moment, or for your entire life, slowly being eroded by the approach to using the internet that assumes it knows better than you.
When you think of the times you were so absorbed with what you were doing/seeing on the computer that you forgot where you were, geographically.
When you think of how it has changed your approach to sexuality.
When you think of how it reinforces the idea that, with enough information, the problems of life can be solved. (Is it really information that we need? Or greater compassion? Courage? Humility? What is humanity lacking right now?)
When you think of how you're an "overthinker" and the computer has made that problem 1000x worse.
When you realize that you don't place emphasis on remembering things anymore, because it's all written down somewhere.
When you realize that the way your organs fit in your abdomen is influenced by your posture, and consequently the amount of time you spend using the computer.
When you feel the love, and delude yourself into thinking you can spread that feeling via the internet.
When you realize that the essence of using the internet is separation and cowardice.
When you realize that, although we are all connected via communication on the internet, we are all still alone.
When you realize the story-lessness of internet use. Nothing "happens" on the internet. Only communication. When you take stock of all the events in your life that have been the most memorable, how many of them happened because you were sitting in front of a computer?
I shudder to think what this list would look like if I owned and used a smartphone to the same degree.
From the unspoken
Grows the once broken