First and foremost I'd like to say how much I appriciate this site. It's been a great resource on my journey. The information I've gathered here has helped me greatly. I'm looking forward to sharing my experiences and sharing in the experiences of other like minded individuals. Thank you all.

As for me, my decision to delve I to psychedelics has been an ongoing process for several years now. I became interested after reading accounts of other combat veterans suffering from PTSD utilizing psychedelics to help them overcome anxiety. I've never been religious so it felt a little disrespectful for me to try Ayahuasca. I am very spiritual though. I'm getting more in tune with the idea that everything comes from the same place. Matter. Energy. Even consciousness. My interest in DMT began after hearing about it on a Joe Rogan podcast. Been fascinated by trip experience stories ever since. A couple years ago one of the remaining friends from my unit experienced smoking freebase DMT. He called me a couple weeks after his experience and told me that he had been battling depression and had seriously contemplated suicide. But after his breakthrough experience he said he was overcome with this sense that he needed to help others like me. He swears to this day that what he experienced changed his perception of who he is fundamentally. He also felt that it was his purpose to hell me deal with my demons because I had always been there for all of our friends and him. Over the last 10 years lost 7 brothers to suicide and at some points been so deeply depressed that I honestly didn't care if I lived or died. Fortunately counseling over the last several years has been very effective for me. Now I am more focused on experiences to help me explore what all this means.

Over the last few months I been perfecting my extraction technique. Last night I smoked for the first time. Not enough to break through. But still an extremely intense vivid experience. I saw layers upon layers of geometric patterns on top of each other when I closed my eyes. But when I opened them it looked like this reality was made up of just one of those layers. I felt as if I was standing at a gate or door made of interlocking patterns. I had this feeling that I could continue if I wanted too but I also felt like something was telling me "it's ok if you don't..... you've come so far already.... there is no hurry". All day today I have been able to close my eyes and see patterns and I get this sweeping sense of calm almost like the goosebumps chills feeling you get from a particular song. I need to think about what I felt for a while I think. Before I take a breakthrough dose. This isn't an experience I want to rush.

Welcome to the Nexus!

It sounds like you have gone through quite a lot and my heart goes out to you and the ones who were lost along the way. It is never easy to part with those you love and I am glad to hear that you are doing better.

You've come to the right place for all things DMT and many (if not all of us here) would agree on your approach to taking it slow. There is no rush, indeed. DMT is a mystery and while it may offer some answers, I'm usually left with a thousand more questions. But hey, that is part of the journey so I don't mind too much. Anyway, I hope you are able to find whatever you are seeking here.

Much Peace,

-The Grateful One-

nice trip report. welcome to the Nexus. i sincerely hope you find what you are looking for here.

if i may ask, have you had any experience with other psychedelics, or is DMT your first?

Actually DMT is my first psychedelic. I've researched most of them. I settled on freebase DMT because of the short but intense experience. It's also a matter of access. I'm not exactly keen on buying shrooms off a street dealer. The chemistry involved in extracting DMT is also highlighly fascinating.

Welcome tex!

I was a soldier too. Don't have a lot to say about that, but I have drank ayahuasca to significant beneficial effect. For me at least, it's a very slow build that brings you to the intensity of a vaporized dmt experience, and then a slow return. Quite good for taking things out of the box and examining them. I don't think a religious approach is requisite.

Anyway, not to discourage you from vaping. I'm sure your soldier's courage will serve you well. I look forward to your posts.