Hello friends!
So as the title implies, I live in Canada. I have recently completed nursing school and am currently studying for my licensing exam. Apart from my interest in psychedelics as a spiritual and learning tool, I am interested in them from a clinical perspective. I am also a strong believer in legalization of all substances and education based on the facts of which drugs are actually detrimental and the many benefits of substances that are illegal now (seriously: non-addictive, self-regulating, non-harmful, mind-opening drugs with huge applications in psychiatric and other medicine are illegal.. frustrates me to no end, but I could rant about that all day..
) I am actually quite new to drugs/substances/whatever you want to call it. I grew up in a religious christian household and grew up most of my life trying to follow a religious lifestyle (and obviously avoiding illegal substances).
Once I was out of my house and able to have the freedom to make my own choices I started to smoke some cannabis, being introduced by some new friends. My first exposure to entheogens was on a camping trip with some buddies. One had brought some mushrooms which we all took. I did not know much about them or what dose I had taken but it must have been relatively small as I only experienced some minor visual changes and a mild euphoria. Regardless it sparked an interest for me in psychedelics.
I began to fervently research about the different kinds and such and eventually decided to learn how to grow my own cubensis mushrooms. I was able to successfully grow some and last week I had my first kind of "breakthrough" experience, if thats what it was. I made a tea using an eighth and it was mind-shattering. My walls and roof were breathing, everything was covered in this kind of glow and there were the most vibrant colors, objects in the room began drifting and geometric patterns appeared and move around.. at first the visuals were somewhat scary as I had not experienced anything like this in my first mushroom experience. All at once though, the fear turned into awe and I stared at the ceiling in awe as I felt that there was some kind of presence in the room which I thought would have frightened me - but only gave me a feeling of amazement. I had the most immense feelings of euphoria and freedom take over me and eventually just began to dance around the room and feel all the different things as if I had never felt them before. I had a strong sense of love and being connected with everything, not just in the room but the entire world - that we were all one and that it was beautiful. I felt grateful to be alive.
Then the strangest thing happened - looking at myself in the mirror I realized that I was not my body.. more that my body was a vessel for my consciousness/spirit. I saw my body as something that I could control, but it was not me - if that makes sense. I could only laugh out loud at the absurdity of my body and ego in this life and I felt a great peace pass over me. At one point I even felt as if I had become some kind of spirit or entity. Still, through this part of the experience I still knew my name, my life, etc. so I don't know if that was really an ego death, maybe a partial one? Anyway, it was an extremely spiritual experience for me.
I found coming down very difficult. I felt in one moment that I knew everything and that the universe made some sense and then in the next moment that I knew nothing and had feelings of dread that I had just made the whole thing up or perhaps that I just came to the conclusions that I wanted to and that it wasn't "real". This back and forth lasted basically until I went to bed and in the morning I woke up refreshed and more at peace but still somewhat reeling and trying to process the whole thing.. which I am still trying to do. I guess this was the ego trying to fight its way back?
I have also been researching DMT quite extensively and am extremely interested in it. I am very interested in the insights and spiritual experiences I may be able to experience through this molecule. I have a small amount and am just waiting for my milligram scale to arrive and to feel that I have adequately processed my last travels before my first attempt at vaporizing DMT. I must admit that I am quite nervous/scared about what I might encounter there, but also greatly excited after what I experienced during my last trip. I also feel somewhat skeptical of what others claim to experience on DMT.. seems so fantastical and unreal.. but I know I need to experience it for myself to begin to understand this substance. I actually had similar feelings regarding mushrooms before my last trip, likely due to the mild nature of the first. From what I have read repeatedly, I will never be "ready" so I just need to jump in with an open mind. I am excited to continue my entheogen journey and to learn and share with all of you.