Maybe we feel this way because others in the world are still suffering, and some of what makes our lives "easy" makes theirs "hard".

For me that's the only thing that makes sense at the moment, and I don't feel I will ever be content until my life effects positive change in the world.

I agree that diet is one major factor in how you feel. I had a horrible diet and it impacted me very negatively. It took me "hitting bottom" in order to realize this, and it was a long and hard road to get where I am with it. Like all things in the universe, its about balance and I feel diet is only one part of the equation.

You recognize that they only hurt others because of their own pain. You realize how sick and sad someone must be to be pushed to such evil. How much pain they must have in their heart.... It doesnt excuse their behavior, but it lets you understand them in a way that you can love them even if you also know they are evil bitches that need to die.


Happiness doesnt come from money, nice things or other people.... It comes from inside.

Do you have a dream? Something you always wanted to do? Do you feel like you make a difference in the world around you? (doesnt have to be huge, but even just a difference in the lives of your loved ones/community) I find for some people that it is hard to be truly happy unless they are making their dreams come true. Might not be you, but it is worth thinking about.

What gives your life meaning? I think life has no inherent meaning, but we can give our lives meaning.... This can be very powerful. Find what gives your life meaning.

If you really want to work on the feelings you are describing I think San Pedro would be 100 times more effective then DMT. I dont know if you ever work with the cactus, but I find its specialty to be healing depression and helping you live a fulfilling life. It really focus's on practical lessons about how to be a good person and how to make your dreams come true. If you havent worked with it, about a 12 inch cutting is a good starting dose (juice it or make tea with it) and if you try that a few times and want to go deeper I drink as much as 24 inches sometimes....

I can’t tell you why you aren’t happy, I can only share my own experience of asking myself the same question… i’ve found that if my happiness depends on things it’s always going to be temporary, as all things are temporary. This is normal and unavoidable, but it can be good to understand that no thing will ever be enough, so that you don’t appear to lose yourself in things. It makes sense that if I seek lasting peace it can’t be found through things that do not last. I’m not suggesting to physically give up everything temporary in the name of ‘true happiness’ and become a renunciate, as that could only be done under the assumption that these things belong to you in the first place.

It’s good to work at actively helping to change the world for the better, sometimes people can get so caught up in focusing on their personal situation that focusing on helping others is just what they need. After all in helping ‘others’ you’re only helping other forms of yourself, so in the process integrating a vaster aspect of who you are. At times it can be good to take a step back and focus on yourself if needs be as well, sometimes you’re no good to anyone if you’re not in a good place yourself.

I’ve gone through phases of finding satisfaction through being more active in world and at other times seeking to find a deeper peace beyond activity, often the dissatisfaction with the former leads to the seeking of the latter… essentially i needed to discover the peace beyond the world before I could truly appreciate the world, as too much attachment to what doesn’t last can make it difficult to appreciate things while they do last… Wishing you all the best RAM, questioning the nature of your happiness can be uncomfortable initially but it's a worthy quest. I do think ND has a good point too though as overthinking can overcomplicate things unnecessarily, so if possible just keep it simple, don’t worry, be happy, you’re here already (:

Thanks for the replies everyone; I'm taking all of them into consideration.



I do operate under the assumption that everything is ultimately meaningless and that day-to-day existence is just a grand aligning of incentives and whatever is viewed as easiest/the-right-thing-to-do-currently among the apes and other aliens that may populate the universe.

So with this it's not whether I love my partner less or enjoy things less; there is a just a slightly varying level of utility I gain from these things within my realm.

I don't think my problem is with satisfaction, which might even be part of the problem itself. My issue is with happiness, which for me has deeper implications than everything just being alright. There is a sort of personal fulfillment that I'm seeking or expecting that just doesn't come.



Helping others and the world is a big part of the personal meaning I have established for myself. I do try to help my friends, partner, and family, but there is a deeper desire to use my technical skills to help lots of marginalized people. Unfortunately I am not in a position to do this right now, and it is taking a lot of work to get to the point where I can.

See, I do have dreams, but they're the kind of dreams that are years in the making. The steps are clear and pretty easy, but it is very easy to get lost since it is taking so long. This is where the whole "focus on the journey and not the destination" thing comes in, but that does not work with pursuing my long-standing dreams right now.



I have worked with San Pedro before; in fact, it was my very first psychedelic! I do have a lot of powder in capsules right now, but it's been stored unrefrigerated for over a year now in a Ziploc... I'm not sure if it's still good to eat. I am considering moving more toward cactus and rue for this kind of problem though, since vaped DMT has been a rather rough, unforgiving, depressing teacher.

I have made plans to help homeless people around my city. I am not a big fan of the existing charitable organizations around, and I am naturally more of an independent leader anyway. My partner and I are going to distribute bread, money, and warm clothes to the homeless weekly. Hopefully I can improve my community and myself through this too!

The San Pedro should be fine still.

I think your plan sounds like a good start - hope it goes well for you

Maybe the psychophysiology of your brain is... something.

Hey friend,

I experience similar sort of existential ennui sometimes. There's some gems of advice above from a few. I think sometimes things are up and sometimes things are down. As others say, a lot of times happiness can stem from a sense of spiritual direction, and happiness is also certainly highlighted by contrast. I think you will find what you need soon, as you sound like a good person.
It's funny, not to bring the Bible back, but your post reminded of Ecclesiastes - all is meaninglessness (you should check it out if you haven't). As well as passages from the Tao Te Ching regarding the nature of things.

Look up Maslow's hierarchy of needs. Even if you don't agree with it word for word, there is definitely something true about this concept. Essentially you will have a tendency to never be content with what you have. There is always some next step.

So you can either work on being content with what you have, or go the other way and focus on what you're missing. A sense of purpose? Feelings of accomplishment? Respect from others? You'll have to look inside to answer that question. If you don't know, than there's little hope anyone here can tell you.

Being happy, as with most things, takes practice. If you want to be happy, make a conscious effort to feel happy. Meditate and focus on feeling happy. Do things that make you feel happy. The more you practice the better you'll get.

Alternatively, accept the way you feel and embrace it. True contentment comes from deep acceptance. We live in a world of duality, observe the ups and downs with detached reverence.

Express and expand your universal openness, gratitude and appreciation. The internal reflects the external. True happiness and understanding is here, now. There's no finish line nor start line. Be patient. You are inseparable. Don't dwell within this existence. You already are profoundly enough, as is. Effortlessly, without form or attachment.

"Why am I unhappy?"

Perhaps it is the statement that needs re-arranging. "I am happy." Or simply, "I am." Our thoughts have incredible powers. Be mindful of them. Even if you don't necessarily feel happy. The feelings and emotions we tend to carry can be strong and sometimes, overwhelming. But more crucially, only temporary. Detach from any person-hood. Be subtle and gentle. The mind will take you for a ride if you so abide. It can take you for that ride your whole life. And yet, the heart has always known your timeless truth.

Reside there.

I think you need to find piece within yourself before jumping out and helping others as a lot have mentioned.

Not saying that's a bad thing to do.

But my life has been pretty much the opposite, had a bad time as a child I was very badly behaved with a very strict father. Let's just say he was old fashioned in terms of punishments. I've had a serious amount of trauma in my life, chair leg through my stomach when I was 4 pretty nasty scar to show for it. Broke both my arms when I was about the same age in several places. In my teen to adult life I've been in and out the hospital due to accidents ( either skateboarding or doing parkour) I have 1 close friend who has major social anxiety and rarely see him and talk because of it. (Many people are worse off I know just putting things in perspective)

Last few years have been a struggle since I started suffering with cluster headaches (brutal beileve me I'd rather take a chair leg through the stomach anyday).

I get times just as you where I feel sad, the best place to look for answers is within yourself. If you don't already try meditating (low dose changa DMT help) and literally ask yourself in your mind what bothers you.

You can usually answer your own questions this way. It won't solve the issue immediately but it will point you in the right direction.

My peace and live is with you take care

(P.s. written on my phone over lunch please excuse any bad grammar or spelling)

From reading a bit of this post, and from what you've said, I'd like to mention reading a book called "The power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle. Your current perspective seems familiar with what could be called "the dark night of the soul". Watch a youtube video by Ram Dass about it if you like (it may bring some comfort). Ultimately, you're recognising that this world is completely flawed and lasting happiness doesn't exist in the external reality, why? Because its all impermanent anyways and will cease to exist one moment or another. What is it you are lacking then? You're lacking the connection to spirit, life is sacred only when you realise existence beneath all form.

Things outside of yourself will never make you lastingly happy, the girlfriend, the job, the friends, you will all lose them one day (death be it the latest), so its time to fall in love with your inner being, the self which is always there witnessing all your thoughts, feelings and experiences… Its time to enter the NOW.

Also, you seem to be trying to figure things out rationally, using thought to try and get you out of another thought, i tell you, the trap is thought, learn to be present my friend, to be here NOW., unidentify with the thinking mind and fall into the state of BEing.
Ask yourself "Who am i?" You might respond:
I AM - Joe
I Am - Anger
I AM - Happy
I Am - Love
What if you were capable of saying I AM and not getting a response in your mind, what are you left with?

I so agree with a lot of what has been said in this thread!

FOCUS - To me its all about WHERE you focus your attention. Its the " attractive " part of ourselves and nature, By this I mean, You will attract from the "universe" or " yourself" exactly what you are asking!!

An example I read a few years ago about a motorcycle racer, He had an issue where he could always catch up to the rider in front of him in the race, But once there could NEVER overtake.

Where was his attention? It was on the "rider " in front. IN his " MIND " HE HAD ACHEIVED HIS GOAL!! He caught up to him! Now, once he learned this, he changed his focus to not the rider in front, BUT THE RIDER IN FRONT OF THE RIDER IN FRONT!

He now passed with ease the first rider as his goal was to reach the other one further ahead!!


You see my point here?

As those have said here. FOCUS on WHERE you WANT TO GO, Not where you CURRENTLY are!

I also believe this may be where your " thinking " is right now! Focusing on " not being happy and content "

Attitude makes a big part. Like the guy who says to himself " what a great day I am having! BUT you wait, something will go wrong!!! and guess what happened...... HE was granted what he asked for.

Good luck to you mate, Hope you find any if not ALL the answers you need!

PEACE

Good 'ol Don Juan has some wise words that I feel you might find insightful to your predicament:

"When a man decides to do something he must go all the way, but he must take responsibility for what he does. No matter what he does, he must know first why he is doing it, and then he must proceed with his actions without having doubts or remorse about them. Look at me, I have no doubts or remorse. Everything I do is my decision and my responsibility. The simplest thing I do, to take you for a walk in the desert for instance, may very well mean my death. Death is stalking me. Therefore, I have no room for doubts or remorse. If I have to die as a result of taking you for a walk, then I must die.You on the other hand, feel that you are immortal, and the decisions of an immortal man can be canceled or regretted or doubted. In a world where death is the hunter, my friend, there is not time for regrets or doubts. There is only time for decisions."

"Now you must detach yourself; detach yourself from everything. Only the idea of death makes a man sufficiently detached so he is incapable of abandoning himself to anything. Only the idea of death makes a man sufficiently detached so he can't deny himself anything. A man of that sort, however, does not crave, for he has acquired a silent lust for life and for all things of life. He knows his death is stalking him and won't give him time to cling to anything, so he tries, without craving, all of everything."

"Think of your death now. It is at arm's length. It may tap you any moment, so really you have no time for crappy thoughts and moods. None of us have time for that. The only thing that counts is action, acting instead of talking."

"We are all going to die...Focus your attention on the link between you and your death, without remorse or sadness or worrying. Focus your attention on the fact you don't have time and let your acts flow accordingly. Let each of your acts be your last battle on earth. Only under those conditions will your acts have their rightful power. Otherwise they will be, for as long as you live, the acts of a timid man. There is no time for timidity, simply because timidity makes you cling to something that exists only in your thoughts. It soothes you while everything is at a lull, but then the awesome, mysterious world will open its mouth for you, as it will open for every one of us, and then you will realize that your sure ways were not sure at all. Being timid prevents us from examining and exploiting our lot as men."

“The art of being a warrior is to balance the wonder and the terror of being alive.”

“The trick is in what one emphasizes. We either make ourselves miserable, or we make ourselves happy. The amount of work is the same.”


-Don Juan to Carlos Castaneda, Journey to Ixtlan

I have personally applied many of Castaneda's/Don Juan's teachings to my life and can say that without a doubt, the effects have been some of the most powerful, practical, and transformative that I've ever experienced. They also make an excellent foundation and integration tool for entheogen use. The Warriors Path allows one to withstand the onslaught of Knowledge (and of life) without losing one's marbles.

I too have to regularly deal with criminals. It can be stressful and problematic, but it can also allow for introspection. Maybe I missed something in the thread, but I didn't see you mention exercise. FWIW A loooooong bike ride can do wonders for your general well being. Cardio and endorphins make you feel good. Maybe good enough to change the character of your DMT experiences?

Thanks for the continued kind words everyone!

As an update, I have started handing out food, money, and warm clothing to homeless people every Friday. More than that, I talk with these people and offer them my time and consideration, which brings a lot more relief than just a little spare change. My spiritual partner has been instrumental in making this happen, and I have felt much better since I have started doing this. As I read somewhere on the Nexus, since we are all one/the same/connected, appreciating and being nice to others is really just appreciating incarnations of yourself, and this helps breed the deeper realization of the vastness of consciousness. In turn, this helps me feel more satisfied in my spiritual journey, and thus, happier.

It is too easy to get caught up in everyday life to forget the simple lesson, BE HERE NOW, which even though I have a version tattooed on my arm, I too easily forget sometimes. Happiness and fulfillment does take practice as fluidfocus wrote, and I think I am making some progress, much of it due to words from this thread and the Nexus as a whole!

I know this is not going to be very helpful but I just wanted to say thank you to anyone and everyone in this thread. This has been a very, very big topic in my life the past few weeks.

My closest friends and I have all been constantly discussing this sort of thing. An overall sense of meaninglessness and hopelessness seems to be in us all. We are spread out all over the country and have a very hard time helping each other and conveying our thought. This thread has not only proved to be very relatable but also very helpful.

If my friends and I have figured out anything it would be that filling yourself with love and happiness is one of the few things that can get you through anything. I do not really think I can give much better advice than what has been said above but I am sending best wishes to everyone who is struggling right now with depression or a sense of meaning. You are not alone.

....a friend of a friend of a friend said:


who again § again introdusced 'the sadness' into the shehnai flutes.....?

Seeking happiness in false things is the true cause of unhappiness. If you look for YOU to be happy, how are things such as material transitory pleasures going to make YOURSELF be happy? Just think about it.