so.... recently, as happens every 6 months or so for me, I have again become very frustrated with this system I live in. Mainly the money cogs. I work as a freelance web developer. I thought going freelance would give me more freedom and in some ways it has but - I am still essentially working to pay the bills, and my work generally still helps people who are doing stuff I really don't give a toss about make more money.

I also make music, which has been going pretty well in terms of releases and gigs, but that is still a long way off from earning me a living. And I am not sure I would want to rely on that for a living anyway.
I did some teaching assistance last year, which was really rewarding - however, I left to go to a well paying contract. Thats the trouble... money is too attractive sometimes, as it has the potential to buy one more time, more things, more opportunities.

I really feel like I am not realising my potential. Work gets in the way of creating music and other creative ventures. But it is necessary to pay the bills. This battle has been going on for almost 10 years of my life now.

I guess, it is about going forward and making your own thing. "Be the change you want to see in the world".
The trouble is.. I have only vague ideas about what it is I want to do. But it is def in the realm of educating people and sorting out some of the many messed up things in our corner of the world. My friends always tell me I should come up with some next web application idea... but I havent... I'd rather make music, see friends or work on an extraction when I'm at home!!

I wonder, if anyone else here feels like this and if you have managed to create your own living from doing something positive and rewarding.

Yes brother, I share your pain.

The system is indeed a disgrace, we are slaves to the elite, which is frustrating enough in itself, but what I find much more frustrating is the people who dont realise this. But I guess, as the saying goes.....ignorance is bliss.

But i can totally relate to your frustration. Its like, i gotta do my job (which i dont paticulary like) and its just to pay the bills and prehaps allow me to do some of the things i enjoy i.e seeing friends, travel, extractions etc : )
But like you say, there is always an underlying feeling for me that work is a hinderence, is stopping me from fullfilling my potential (what ever that is) or distracting me from the mysteries of this place/exsitence. I spend so much time at work daydreamin about what it all means, what are we all doin here, and although i feel i have gained some insight into this, i also feel i have bearly scratched the surface.

Im am a firm beliver of "do what you love/are passionate about and the money will come" but i guess im still tryna figure out what that is exactly!!!

Remind yourself of your ultimate goal, like the main point that is a priority above all else -Peace

Make a daring acceptance of taking the direct route to it, reacknowledge what doesn't really matter.

Think of yourself stood on one side of the road, and your ultimate goal -peace is on the opposing side. Would a wise man fuckabout in the middle of the road?

"but it's not as simple as that" -thats one variation to the limitless possibilities of space which you would be experiencing, like many, but whats the opposite of not being simple? which by principle of space exists? 'simple' but for the equation to equal simple, it takes a certain type of equation.


Trust me on this one, seriously, study what you refer to as fear, really think about it. Search and destroy that mother.

-no fear -open -allowing -flowing -knowing -positive -light -all bright -p e a c e

-fear -closed -not allowing -not flowing -not knowing -negative -not light -all dark -no peace

You see it??


Bless you man

oh, the fear. please, someone, solve it for me. I don't dare to see into the abyss.

how pathetic. my prison.

Mate wtf's that? you just simply misunderstood.

well ... excuse me .. I was coming down from an amazing festival weekend, where a glimpse of how things could be was felt, albeit in the festival bubble... no I do not expect anyone to solve it for me. merely, I was expressing a recurring frustration which I suspect is felt similarly by others here on the nexus.
indeed, i think you misunderstood cellux...

thanks space and soulman for your words.. I had not attributed fear to these feelings.. but of course fear and negativity are part of the same thing. it is sometimes just about jumping into the abyss...

No, no, sorry, my comment was about myself, not balaganist. It's me who is whining.

The fear you (Space) are talking about is in me, I identified it a long time ago. But I cannot conquer it. That's what I referred to as pathetic. I'm too dependent on the current working order of society. I have a family, children to feed so I don't dare to look into the depths of the problem because I'm afraid I might change then in such a way that would lead to irresponsible behavior and an abandonment of something that is very important to me. But by not conquering that fear, by living as a coward, I am poisoning my life and those around me (fortunately I can minimize the negative effects by being aware of the situation, but still it happens).

All the saints tell that if you follow your heart's wish, you will be fulfilled, but I simply cannot believe that enough to put everything at stake.

That's the prison I was talking about.

ah, please excuse me again then, I (we) misunderstood you!

well, having children is a stage I am yet to move into, although it is something I want. however, it is then that the pressures of society really mount up. but still, I believe we are still free to be who we want to be even with a family to feed.

conciousness expansion through spice, meditation and other means really can show us this... that we are just playing a game here on earth. you have the power to change the rules of Your game at any time. but... it is easier said than done.
as the great Bill Hicks said "Its just a ride..."

best wishes to you cellux. I think you should not be scared of irresponsible behaviour too much. of course you must look after your family. but looking after yourself and realising your potential in a loving way with your family I think is possible.

peace

Were your post festival blues from the secret garden party mate?

yes indeed!!! wicked festival, my first year, def going again and dragging more mates along next time!

^^^^
Yeah it was brilliant wasnt it man.
It was my first time too but shall defo be goin back again.
Loved it.
I defo had the post festival blues after that bad boy though haha

Ahh sorry for that misunderstanding cellux, I really hope everything goes well for you. Something definitely needs to change. Hold on to whats important (ofcoarse) and let go of whats not.

I have this which runs through me when needed: "change what you can, and accept what you can't"

Either way, you'll be ok.

It's only a matter of time between you and peace.