So i have been microdosing psylocibe cubensis for 2 months, but first i bit of context:
I'm in my early twenties. And i have gone through an unhappy phase these last five years. I wasn't happy about myself, about my body, about my future, about my thoughts about myself, my body, my future.. This never ending conversation within me going back and forth from: "Just fucking get on with it, do what makes you happy!" to:"But you shouldn't do that, nobody does that, something is wrong with you".
I felt guilty. Guilty of my interests, guilty of my new found desire for health. I wanted to be the best me i could be, and felt really guilty for it.
Every step i took toward this goal was questionned and misunderstood by my entourage which led to more guilt and anxiety.
So during these five years i have had phases where i was determined to change for the better, and phases where i felt worthless and insane. I just could not get out of that vicious cycle, i felt like an unhealthy paradoxe (finance and money dreams to buddhism, anorexic to fit to skinny, happy to depressed to happy.., very social to lonely to a bit less lonely to even more.., confident to insecure..)
Two months ago, i had a few grams of shrooms left and decided to take 200mg every monday, wednesday, and friday morning to see what would happen.
Well, i'm happy to say that i'm recovering my sanity at last. This change was already starting to occur a few months prior to the microdosing, but i'm positive that microdosing shrooms sped the process drasticaly. I'm eating healthy, i'm building myself a nice looking body, i've started a 4/5 year course in TCM in Paris which i am so happy about, i quit weed and nicotine. I'm gaining back my long lost condidence and i truely believe that i am capable of having a great happy life, on my terms.
Most important of all, i don't feel guilty anymore. One morning after my morning shrooms and shake on the road to the gym, it hit me: Is my doing making me a better me? Am i happy about that? Then all is OK. It's all that matters in the end. I am and will be loved for it.
All this guiilt and anxiety was in fact other's projection of their own insecurities and negativity upon my decisions, and i naively took it as my own.
I am now happy and healthy, which makes me happy.
I realise there will be ups and downs, yins and yangs, and that's fine.
Shrooms have helped me find my coherence, in myself and in the world.
(Still microdosing by the way, on 150mg of P.Envy, it feels great!)
Tayata OM Bekandze Bekandze Maha Bekandze Radza Samudgate Soha