So in regards to my other thread
Go to last post Why my DMT anxiety is causing flashbacks and making me feel insane , i still haven't figured out what brought this episode of derealization and panick attacks about.
I smoked DMT at a
low-mid range dose about 2 weeks before hand and then one night all of a sudden, out of nowhere, I started to feel like I was tripping a little bit without the visuals. Everything seemed a bit weird.
Two weeks later (drug free), the panick attacks and feeling of losing my mind and
sharp changes in awareness have slowed down and have only come up very rarely but some other effects have persisted.
My experience of the world is kind of different now. Everything looks the same as it always did but something has changed...
it feels like I sort of don't even exist, even though I am experiencing an unfixed marker of direct perception that drifts through time like a cart on a track.
It feels like I am seeing the world with some sort of artificial lense between me and it that blocks me from feeling it as "real" or "genuine". It is just some sort of FORM that doesn't mean anything but that I still understand. It feels distant but right in front of me. I don't feel like it is out there and have a few times been poking things in the environment thinking "this is real?" "what is this?"
^no one wins the poke war of understanding the nature of reality
I also experienced something on the same level as dejavu but completely different. It was about words. I would say something and all of a sudden my awareness would jump in to something like DMT awareness and I wouldn't hear thoughts in my head but I would feel this strong sense of something as strong as dejavue but more along the lines of "what does that word even mean?" "how can there even be meaning to words?" "what am I?" "OMG OMG FFFuCKKK" and I would calm down after 3-5 seconds but it is quite disconcerting and uncomfortable. Thank goodness this has diminished quite a lot but the other derealization aspect hasn't
Honestly, I don't like how this has changed me. I feel like a stranger. "I, a stranger and afraid, in a world I never made".
Don't get me wrong, it is tolerable and I can live ok albeit with a slight sense of "what the fuck is going on?" which I hope drifts away in time, but I really do wonder what caused all of this? I did insult a scizophrenic person quite badly and untactfully about 4 days before I started having these episodes, so perhaps it is something like an instant karma?
On WIKIpedia it says that shock last for 2 days - a month and after that it is officially PTSD.
I am wondering if it was the shock of the DMT experience, my anxiety of letting go, just the dmt itself or something else like stress in my life (unemployed, loveless, no life direction).