Dear Fellow Nexians,

I must be honest here, spice scares the living daylights out of me. But I wasn't about to let that get in my way this time. Up until this point, I've had mostly what I would consider "dark" experiences (except for perhaps the one earlier this month). Don't get me wrong though, they were not bad, I was just a little uncomfortable with what was happening around me. In fact, there was one time where I was abruptly interrupted in the middle of my second hit and was ripped out of myself into what only could be described as a futuristic alien room where a dark and unforeseen force told me that I was not welcome. "Do not come here anymore" it said. The strange force still proceeded to show me all sorts of strange things and then forcibly threw me back into myself. That was the first time I met an unfriendly force in hyperland.

In my "Absolution" breakthrough I met a dark entity. The difference was that this one welcomed me but in a stern and/or parental sort of way. This entity guided me through several somewhat clandestine and eerie places in hyperspace. I was shaken pretty badly by this experience but gained valuable information about myself.

So why am I talking about a couple past experiences instead of getting to what happened today? Well, because I basically relived those experiences but from a distance this time. I know that doesn't make any sense yet but it will:

I planned on taking some spice today and was constantly thinking about when and was going about my daily routine being nervously excited. More nervous than excited, truthfully. It took all day for me to muster up the courage to finally lay out a dose and actually put it in the bong. There it sat for probably 4 hours. Just sitting there with me gawking at it every now and again as my heart rate increased ever so slightly. Finally enough was enough....

I dimmed the lights and got comfortable in my bed. I was able to get into a position where I was mostly laying down and still able to hit the bong effectively. I did this so that there would be no struggle when it came time to lay back. 130mg of changa was in the stem, btw.

I lie there and closed my eyes and focused on my breathing. In through the nose, out through the mouth. Over and over I breathed trying to steady my nerves. I think part of the reason my experiences have been a bit difficult is because I have more trouble letting go than I let on...even to myself...So I began a little mantra of sorts "Do what you will, I'm letting go..." I said this countless times, over and over until I started to believe that I really was ready to fully let go. If I were to guess, it was probably somewhere around 15 minutes before I finally picked up the bong.

I lit it carefully and slowly drew as much as I could and pulled the cone. Cleared it save approximately 5-10mg. I quickly set the bong down and laid back with my eyes closed and held my breath until...well, I don't recall exhaling interestingly enough.

Behind closed eyes, I felt it coming on strong and steady. The first colors were red/purple swirls that slowly but firmly oscillated and then rapidly gained power and speed. These waves of oscillating fractals opened up to what appeared to be a tunnel. The tunnel was full of fractalized matter and it was flowing in all directions. Everything was very circular, yet moving forward, if that makes sense. This tunnel became my guide.

It was as if I was on a fractal train of some sort, moving slowly in comparison to any other experience I've had. Everything wasn't so rapid and "in your face" so to speak. As the hypertrain gained momentum, I noticed something very strange. I could literally see a past trip but from a distance. It was the experience I mentioned above about being unwelcome in hyperspace. It was as if the "hypertrain" was showing me that that was only one aspect of hyperspace and to not be discouraged by the likes of it. That was a dark and twisted side of this place I learned and it almost seemed as if the force from the previous trip was either testing me or just messing with me. Perhaps it was one of those tricksters I've read about...? Either way, it was quite an amazing feeling to know that that was an experience of the past. I could now move on. After all, I had boarded the "HyperSpace Express" ...

The hypertrain continued to travel for some time and to many different sites. It was almost like what I would imagine travelling through actual outer space might feel and look like. Viewing the past trip would be comparable to viewing the Earth from the Moon...hopefully that gives it a little perspective.

Eventually, everything started to blur and mesh together in one glob of hypermatter and I felt myself descending back to reality. Slowly and gently. Upon reentry I felt immense waves of joy and happiness. A huge smile was plastered across my face I realized and as I opened my eyes, all the art work in my bedroom was dancing about in a playful and extra dimensional sort of way. It was beautiful. Truly and utterly beautiful. (See pic below. The canvas art on the right was absolutely and especially mesmerizing when I made it back to Earth)

To date, this is the most rewarding and positive journey I've had. I could not be anymore overjoyed at this moment. I feel like that dark weight I've been carrying around has vanished. I've finally been exposed to a lighter, more positive side of the DMT realm. I think that was due to the fact that I'm working on actually being able to experience the experience by letting go of myself. I thought I knew what that meant, but now I think I truly do. It is a wonderful concept. I have nothing but the most profound respect for the power of DMT. If anything, I am a little less afraid now and for that, I am Grateful.

I know this was a bit lengthy but this is really more of a way for me to keep records of the more powerful journeys. So if you read this all the way through, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. As always, any insight is more than welcome. After all, I love hearing what you guys have to say. Well that is it for tonight, guys...

Have a truly wonderful day

Your dear friend,

-The Grateful One-

Beautiful story, and congrats! Sounds like you've found the key for you and turned the corner to enjoy yourself.

Hey, thanks man! It does indeed feel like that...liberating and quite unlike anything I've ever felt before. I couldn't have asked for anything more.

When it's good its great
When it's bad it's bad

But in my opinion it's always worth the risk because when it really good it's really really really good !!

I enjoyed and appreciated this report.

Thank you TGO

Many people here keep Nick Sands close at the heart, it has become a meme:


Do you think the preparations were the (only?) dominant factor for the different tune?
Pretty obvious question it seems, but how really different were your preparations this time compared to the previous times (the more shadowy experiences)?

I read Sands two DMT articles that have frequented the internet years back and have always kept those extremely close to me. I've always liked his approach to the DMT experience and what he's had to say, as it feels much in line with how i've viewed and worked with the experience over the years. His words have been nothing but of benefit to me.


The Grateful One,

That was a great write-up man, thoroughly enjoyed reading. Im glad that this experience led you to the pre-experience mantra of "Do what you will, Im letting go". Such a great thought to be hinged on prior to diving in, especially when it's genuinely meant, when you feel those words with every bit of your being prior to smoking.

That has essentially been what i've centered around the past few years, pre-experience. Although always having a tinge of nervousness (which is normal ime), this mantra has been something that i've more or less fused within myself, pretty much an inalienable part of my routine leading up to, letting it 'do what it does' and me not trying to pull up any barriers no matter how big or small.

Letting the experience take hold, flow through you unimpeded, without getting hung up on any one aspect, whether good, bad, rough, ecstatic; just sitting and being with the experience, observing, allowing it to work, no matter the uncomfortability that can come up. Easier for some than others, being that we're all different, which is what makes the process of letting go all the more unique and beautiful. Some people look at the words 'letting go' and associate it with some new-age mumbo jumbo, but tbh, it's a very important process, a very crucial piece to the puzzle. Something happens when you fully, completely, undeniably give yourself to the obliteration.

I believe Felnik had said some years back a sentence that I immediately recognized and agreed with whole heartedly, something along the lines of genuinely "Trusting in the experience, as it will know the difference". I find this spot on ime, and absolutely true.

The experience is incredibly powerful when the dosage and method is sufficient (relative to the individual). Beyond linear-based thought, beyond dualistic frames of reference. There's no wording for it, as a whole, it effortlessly evades the primate rationale.

Learn to make space for all the experiences facets, give them room to breathe, allow them residence, observe, nod, smile. All various reflective flavors of the One Flavorless Something.

<3

Thanks guys! I appreciate the feedback!

Jees, you pose some good questions and I'll try to be as thorough as I can. My darker experiences were usually spur of the moment type trips. I mean, I was going in just to see what was there, with no intention behind it. In order to not "chicken out" I would quickly load it up and blast off usually resulting in rapid fire "in your face" journeys. On top of that, I would resist it to an extent. I was never trying to resist, but I just did. I didn't really understand this until last night, tbh. There was always little to no preparation except for some pacing while I told myself, "Just do it, man...c'mon, just do it already..." Basically peer pressuring myself... or self-pressuring I guess...

Another factor is beer. On more than one "shadowy" occasion, I gained the confidence to smoalk spice via a beer or two (I truly hate to admit this but sometimes it was more than that... ). That being said I do drink beer on a pretty regular basis. I'm down to 3 times a week and no more than 3 beers on those days...in case everyone isn't getting the picture, I used to drink quite a bit and struggled for a long time and am in the middle of cutting back and twisting my head back on straight. I've been working on this for nearly 2+ years and am proud of where I have ended up...that being said, I feel like some of my scarier experiences were warning me and showing me that alcohol has no place in the DMT realm...or in the human body for that matter. It is poison after all. But I kept ignoring it and getting slapped for it. I'd get a slap and be like, "Why did you hit me!?" but the question I should have been asking is, "Why am I hitting myself...?"

I guess it all makes sense, really. Drinking was causing some depression even if I didn't want to admit it to myself openly, but I knew it was an underlying factor. So it only stands to reason that a DMT trip while under the influence of Alcohol (be it 1 drink or 7) would result in a dark/depressed/scary endeavor. This is just the main theory. But this month alone, I've had two wonderful DMT trips, both immensely positive and uplifting. Both times were 100% completely sober from any alcohol or any other substance (to be fair I only drink, smoke pot, and take psychedelics and it has been that way for the past 3 years or so)...so this trip when I was on the hypertrain was basically like, "Look over there. Do you see that? That is the dark side of this place and you chose to go there. But look how far away we can be from it. Do you see?" I did see. And it was such a damn beautiful site!

But being completely sober while trying to "get it together" to smoke spice was proving to be a challenge. I was using it as a crutch. I have vowed never to use that crutch again while in the presence of spice because it is disrespectful, IMO. I feel like I have been rewarded for this epiphany. I know it isn't much of an epiphany but it was enough to send me in the right direction. Also to be fair about strange epiphanies, and a bit comical, one time the spice told me to get rid of my shower curtain (this was a low-end sub-breakthrough...10mg I think it was, maybe more maybe less). When I came down I went to the bathroom and looked at the shower curtain and sure enough some mildew was beginning to form. So, I threw it away and got a new one and never felt better about the whole situation...

So now that I have gone off on a tangent...Some other things I did not do on the darker trips was focus my breathing as intently or focus my attention to what I was about to do fully. That mini meditative state plus the mantra made a world of a difference. That and being stone cold sober. But of course, I knew all of this all along I guess I just like to learn the hard way... Set and setting, set and setting, set and setting...these are not just words folks! I thought I was taking it seriously enough but I wasn't. But now I know better. Also, lately I've been experimenting with getting the full dose in one hit. Doing this enables me to lie straight down and not fumble with lighters or bongs or what-have-you. Inhale. Close eyes. Be free. All in one go. So to answer your questions, Jees, yes, I do believe that the variations in preparation made the most drastically positive impact on this experience. More so than I ever could have imagined.

Tatt, thank you for the kind words. I really enjoy writing about these things...it was kind of funny really. I wasn't 100% back to Earth but I wasn't in hyperspace either when I tried to write down the part about being shown a previous trip but all I managed to scribble was, "Alien guy b4 hit. before" on the back of a random business card

But anyway, like I said above I think my darker experiences were due to improper set and setting as you guys have pointed out. I was fooling myself and being slightly reckless. So to any newcomers reading this, I wouldn't recommend going about spice in the manner that I did. Letting go truly isn't as easy as it sounds and pre-flight anxiety can really take a toll on someone. Just breath and know that you'll be fine. Also, find a mantra you can believe in. I don't know where mine came from but it safely carried me through.

I think it all boils down to me being a bit ignorant and I had to be hyperslapped a few times to really get the picture. I was creating the negative atmosphere and the DMT responded in full force.
But now that I understand a little more than I did yesterday, I realize I had been invited into to hyperspace with open and loving arms. Up until now, that hasn't really happened for me. At least not on a breakthrough level. There are all sorts of infinite aspects of hyperspace that I didn't know existed. And now I have the freedom and courage to explore it more deeply...through a sober mind. Bye bye alcohol, I don't need you anymore to navigate this space!

Thank you TGO for being open and honest, what you say concerns us all.

Be it beer, a relation, a job, a religion, hobby/sports, etc etc, a few of those simultaneous why not, they all can easily "get" us and deliver identity for better or worse. This "cling onto" is due human condition and part of nature itself IMHO.
Let's balance it. Who's in charge?

Very cool stuff Don't let those tricksters trick you hehe

Don't downplay that epiphany, I think it's a very fundamental realization, and one that not everybody gets.

I've done the MDMA/DMT combination before, with similar logic. I have a theory that we drive ourselves to do that as a form of ego self-preservation. Total self-preservation of the ego would demand that you throw your spice away and never speak of it again! Since we're apparently bent on humbling ourselves like this, taking some other drug alongside DMT is a compromise.

It's as if the ego is saying to you: "OK, go ahead and reveal the illusory nature of the ego, but be really high on substance X at the same time so that you gratify the ego." Yes, it's contradictory. The ego often is.

So perhaps it's best to ignore our ever-babbling egos, and ride this horse bareback.

Well, if there was ever a time and a place to be open and honest it is here and now.

It is never fun to realize you (as in "me" ) have been lying to yourself about certain aspects in your life. But with great realizations comes great responsibility to employ a change. And that change is happening in full swing now. This trip gave me the gentle push to take charge of my own life. So who is in charge now? Me, of course!

It seems I've always let one thing or another get in the way of my happiness and on top of that I never liked change that much. So, I would dig a rut and sit in it for a while before realizing I was going nowhere. But now, something has clicked and it all makes a lot more sense. I'm feeling good about things in life and that hasn't happened for a long time. I am eternally thankful.



I couldn't agree more. My ego has been fighting this (the DMT experience) all along which is interesting because I've lost count of how many trips there have been. I'm almost appalled that it took this long for me to come to a realization/epiphany. I guess it could be a blessing in disguise though, I may have never taken the plunge at all if I didn't have some sort of artificial confidence. But now I clearly understand that that is a horrible and foggy way to go about exploring hyperspace. I'm just glad I don't need or want crutches anymore and I've told my ego to hush for a while...