Hello Nexus,
I am writing this in the the afterglow of an overwhelmingly positive and wonderful experience. I just wanted to take a moment to express my gratitude to everyone in this community. We are truly blessed to have this space to learn from one another and offer encouragement and advice when it is needed most. After many long months of hesitation I was finally able to take the plunge once again. I had been very hesitant to pick up my vaporizer after a powerful and frightening experience over the summer. That experience stayed with me for many months and I was unable to think about spice without a violent shiver racing through my body. Part of me wanted to venture into the hyperspace world again but the rest of me whole heartily opposed it. Over the last week I found my way back to the Nexus but this time to read from others about how they overcame hesitation. I knew I wasn't alone in my hesitation but I felt like I was. The more I read the more I could relate to those who came before me and know that it is something many of us have gone through. More and more I was able to look within myself and confront my fears and hesitations. Woke up this morning and decided that today I would venture back. I spent the day focusing my intent and thinking about why I was afraid. I let myself shiver in fear and did my best to calm myself. I focused on breathing every time I would feel another shiver. Deep breaths until it passed. When I got home I quietly, without a TV on or music playing and only the sounds of my own thoughts running through my head, cleaned up my bedroom and prepped dinner all the while listening to my own breath and playing with words to find a perfect mantra to enter hyperspace with. I took my time and little by little my space became clean and inviting. I made the bed and sat on the edge with feet flat on the floor and hands on my knees. I took deep breaths still thinking of my perfect mantra. I picked up my pipe that I had pre loaded with 10mg of rue extract sandwiched between layers of capi leaves struck the lighter and inhaled. I then found a comfortable spot in bed and sat there breathing and thinking until I began thinking to myself "Heart open" with every breath in and "Mind free" with each exhale. The shivers had not returned for some time and I knew I was ready. I picked up my Firewood vaporizer with 35mg of spice loaded in the chamber and held the button for 45, 44, 43, 42...At 1 i slowly inhaled while watching the vapor enter my mouth. I thought I saw the last of it leave and held my breath for 20, 19, 18...The world slowly fell away and became a place of comfort that I remembered from what seemed like so long ago. "Heart open, mind free" I continued to repeat in my head. The visions were beautiful and I knew I had left much of the spice behind. Again I went back to the Firewood and took another long inhale. I felt myself going deeper and the world folded over and over onto itself and revealed an infinite expanse repeating over and over forever as I pulled further back from where I began. After exploring an overwhelming number of places I picked up the firewood one last time and this time took the two hits in a row I should have taken in the first place. As I held in the final breath a brilliant bright flower popped up in from of me and bloomed one last time before I felt the peak disappearing. It was then that I heard the sounds of my two cats crying for me from behind the closed door. I decided to open the door as I used to do so that I could enjoy the comedown and afterglow with them. They instantly jumped onto the bed and let me know that I was loved and expressed their joy to be with me. I feel like they are very aware when I smoke and are extra affectionate after. Now I am here writing this and wondering how what started as a simple thank you to everyone who contributes to the Nexus morphed into whatever it has become. Once again I want to thank everyone from the bottom of my heart for helping me begin this journey once again. We are truly blessed to have a community such as this.

Thank you,
Shiva13

No, thank you for this post!

It is almost eerie how much this resonates with what happened to me over the summer. I had a pretty intense breakthrough in July and I laid off the spice almost completely until a few days ago. I had experimented with pharmahuasca a few times since then but nothing too overwhelming. But that is besides the point.

Anyway, I had some nervous jitters before going back too but then again, I always seem to. I loaded up some changa, took some deep breaths and went for it. In an instant, I was gone. I won't go in depth because I already posted the trip report .

I can't say that the "fear" is completely gone, but it definitely dissipated quite a bit. I think I'll always be a little afraid...no harm in that though. It creates an atmosphere of respect and reverence. I am glad I went back and will continue to do so...After all, practice makes perfect.

The experience is something so powerful, so special, so moving. There's really no words for it once it grabs you. Incomprehensible.

Thanks for the report. Good stuff.

Hi,

That sounds like such a wonderful trip!

Imho, anyone who takes DMT after having a scary experience is very brave! I know from experience that the scary trips (though they only happen rarely) can be truly terrifying!

But I’m glad you were able to overcome your trepidation and it paid off so beautifully!

And cats are truly awesome! I think yours could tell that you needed a little extra love! Or perhaps they knew that you would be very receptive and were drawn to your good vibes!

Thank you all for the kind words. Spice can certainly be a beautiful and terrifying all at the same time. As scary as it can be, the beauty and wonder of it all called me back. It wasn't until this moment that I realized how important centering yourself and setting your intention really is. Until my hyperslap this summer, I took the spice's power for granted and would casually vape regardless of my mental state. Usually it was not any type of breakthrough dose or maybe the casualness of it did not put my mind in a place where I was able to breakthrough. I did not listen to those who posted before me and it caught up with me and gave me a hyperslap that I was not reay for or expecting. I knew that the spice had more to teach me and as time when on I knew that I had to face my fears and find a way to set my mind right and give myself permission to let go and pick up the vaporizer again.

Cats are truly mysterious creatures. Mine always seem to know when I have entered hyperspace. I keep then outside the bedroom when vaping to avoid them interrupting my trip. They have a tendency to crawl all over me and It would be terribly distracting. Even with the door shut they find a way to distract me from my journeys by crying. Their cries seem to get louder the longer I am in hyperspace. When I am coming down I open the door to let them in and they always become extra affectionate. One of them gets right up in my face purring, nudging, and drooling in a way she never does any other time. Its as if they know I have vaped. Whether its that they don't approve, want to comfort me, or just feel that I am extra open I will never know but it is very strange.