Hello people,

About me: I'm a man in his 40s. I have great psychedelic experience from my younger days (surely over 100 trips on LSD and countless more on other substances between 1985 and 1995). I have always believed that psychedelics helped shape my spiritual being in a positive way.

It was about 6 weeks ago when I first tried DMT. There's so much to say, I am not going to try to pack it all into my introductory post. But I do want to say something about the nature of the ego, and duality. So, here it goes:

When I was a newborn, my eyes (still unable to focus) soaked up stimulus for the first time. My ears heard the first noises beyond the gurgling of the amniotic fluid. I drew my first breath of air. But I was not aware of myself as a baby, I probably saw the fluorescent lighting in the delivery room and thought that I was that light fixture! If I heard my mother speak, I thought that was my voice.

As time went by, maybe a few months old, I realized that things like the fluorescent light can come and go, but there was something rather constant: my mother. So I probably come to believe that i was my mother, or at least I identified myself as the combination of mother and baby.

As more time went by, I learned that my mother wasn't always there. I discovered that by crying I could make her appear. I also learned that by "being cute" I could earn the adulation of my mother and other adults. This is when my ego formed, and if you are like most of humanity, you still identify yourself with that ego that you constructed when you were 1-2 years old.

Through my life experiences (including, of course, DMT) I have come to realize that this identification with my ego is as positively absurd as believing that I was the fluorescent light fixture in the delivery room.

That's all I've got to say for now.

Namaste,
Glossolalia

Hi Glossolalia, welcome to the nexus!


Isn't it fascinating, how so much of our life has already "happened" before we have hardly learned any language.

I've never even stopped to consider this. I am interested. It's hard for me to imagine what I thought about the moment I was born (people say that I kinda just fell asleep and hardly cried.)

However I don't agree that identity with one's ego is absurd, that's the hand we've been dealt like it or not. We are separate entities with our own bodies, seems to be the truth as I wake up every day. Even though we have out-of-body experiences!

Anyways glad we are are here on the nexus

Welcome fellow noob!

I actually have been pondering on this idea myself the past few days when do we start identifying with our ego and become fully "aware" of our day to day existence whatever that means. I keep staring into the eyes of my now 15 day old daughter wondering exactly what it is she is thinking about if anything at all but I have been able to come to realize that love just seems to transcend everything that I have comprehension of and perhaps that of which I don't. true unconditional love it's such a gift yet at the same time feels like it's everybody's god given right.

Namaste

The ego itself is not bad, just like my body isn't bad. My body is a vehicle, and the ego is like a hired driver. He's the one who's responsible to make sure it doesn't get driven it into a ditch or crash with another vehicle.

The question is one of identity: Is this chauffeur actually me? I used to believe so. Now I'm not so sure. If the ego is me, then why is it that I can let go of it? When I am observing my ego and my thought-process in action, who is it that is doing the observation?

Many people will glibly say "such statements are meaningless, and to try to learn some great truth about the nature of the self is a fool's errand." I used to be one of those people myself. Maybe they are even right, but they can't stop me from trying.

Peace and blessings,
Glossy