Hey everyone.

I have not had an Ayahuasca session yet with a guide, but have the chance to do that this month with a guide from Peru. I've met him and he is quite young, around 35 maybe but a very honest good person. He doesn's call himself a shaman, and say's he's a guide 'cause he's still an apprentice. But he's very dedicated and sings icaros long into the night I have friends that have done sessions with him and they agree he's a good one.

I've had powerful experiences with psychedelics before and some of those had very positive effects on myself and my life. I've had many very difficult trips that also taught me a lot.

But 4 years ago I had a very terrifying experience when I combined DMT with MAOI's extracted from b. caapi. I feel I still haven't worked that experience out. I'm scared of psychedelics but I feel they are the only thing that can cure my anxiety and my tension. Cure my mind.

There's a lot of stress in my nerves and underneath there's anxiety that's very close to the surface of my mind and often it pop's up. I feel it's all because of fear that's 'causing that tension. Fear that's blocking my energy. I feel very lethargic too. But the tension in my nerves is affecting my body in a very negative way. And I know that tension all originates in my subconscious mind.

So my question is should I do the Ayahuasca ceremony at the end of the month? I feel I should overcome my fear and go for it, but then I also fear it might get worse. And I'm not sure I can take that. And what will be my way then? To take pharmaceuticals to fix me? That just sound extremely horrible to me.
I've had mushrooms since that experience 4 years ago and it has been ok, but all trips have brought a lot of anxiety to the surface.
I've worked A LOT on trying to overcome this anxiety problem but I don't feel there's much success.

Isn't Ayahuasca the one to cure the psyche? To cure the mind?

How does it work to cure anxiety? Should I go for it?

Thank you,

There no guarantee that it would make it better or make it worse but I can say from my experience as previously living with a lot of panic and anxiety and not really understanding where it was coming from. Ayahuasca and smoked dmt with oral harmalas has been very life changing, for me it brought awareness to blocks or baggage within my psyche which I don't believe I could have accessed without the use of these entheogens. But as you said it can be a very terrifying at times but one has to learn to try and embrace these moments knowing that once you've faced what you need to face (and the things it brings up during healing are never easy for me) I felt happiness and calm which I could never imagine.

One should also remember that there's no need to throw oneself directly into the deep end. one could begin by just meditating sober and building from there; add some rue / caapi tea and meditate and get used to that and learn as much as you can from that experience and how you can navigate. Then once again once you've built a relationship with just the rue / caapi add small amounts (and I mean small! Some people consider 2.5g mimosa a small dose but it blew my head clean off!) and see where that brings you.

I've also found that practising meditation is very useful during the psychedelic experience as I feel that focusing on calm, controlled breathing during difficult moments is very comforting. Also picking a few mantras which are relevant and comforting to you can also help greatly.

Short answer, yes I think that Aya / pharma can help you as I think most people can be helped by it with the right approach, just take some time to think about how you plan to approach it and don't cut corners as I believe going into a psychedelic experience and being met with a difficult experience and fighting it leaves unfinished business which will stay with you until you go back to face it so it's best to either be prepared for whatever is thrown at you (very difficult) or tread carefully and try and learn as much as you can from each experience as you slowly delve deeper into the experience comfortably.

I wish you good luck in your healing!

Sorry for a late answer. The system didn't notify me of a reply.

But I did go the 20th of okt. for an Aya ceremony with this guide from Peru I talked about.
There were around 20 people there in the circle.
I had a good friend with me that was doing it for the first time too and a another friend, a girl that's not as close to me
that was also doing it for the first time. She heard of the session from me and decided to go and I really didn't like the
idea of her being there. I thought she had not much idea how serious this can get and I thought she was just not stable
enough to do this. But I also knew it was not mine to decide so I didn't try to get her off the idea. Just hoped she would opt out. She had been very uncertain and sounded like she would opt out but she didn't.

And then she brought another friend with her that was this guy I had never met before and looked and sounded a bit doobious. Came out of jail just two weeks prior.

But I was not going to let that stop me. The four of us were the last people of the group to arrive at the house so there wasn't much space left so my friend and her friend ended up being kind of outside the circle in a dark corner just beside me and my other friend. This looked very bad to me and I pictured them in my mind totally loosing their wits and causing havoc there in the middle of the ceremony. In my mind I saw police and ambulance there and things really messed up but I didn't let that stop me. I WAS NOT OPTING OUT, I WAS THERE TO OVERCOME MY FEAR.

And God am I happy I did!
I had one cup. The taste was a surprise. I had years before on two occasions drank caapi only brew that tasted so bad that
I could hardly get it down. But this tasted kind of good. Very bitter but with strong taste of licorice which was a surprise.

Nothing happened for maybe 15 min. but then it came on fast and strong. I'm very skinny with extremely fast metabolism.
I started sweating a little and fear tried to lock it's claws in my mind, but it was like I had already overcome most or all of it.
It just didn't get a grip on me. So I kind of went straight into this world of very beautiful sacred moving geometry. It was a bit dark at first and I thought "yes it's dark but it's going to light up". And then what happened was like I was taken and plugged into the universe and just pumped up with endless amount of light, love, gratitutde and joy!!!! It was overflowing and I just cried and laughed both at the same time for what seemed to be hours. And my visions were all of the people in my life. I was just shown how much good people have been around me to support me through very hard times in my life.

First my parents one by one. I just saw them and what amazing people they are. And my three sisters, all so different tending
to me in different ways for my different needs at different times.
And then my wonderful wife and other family members and friends and at last my 8 year old daughter Hahahahaha when I saw her smily happy face and her brown eyes and messy hair hahahahaha I got confirmed she is an angel sent from above to bring my light, to bring me love
She's known in her school and our neighbourhood for being always laughing and being good and nice to all the other kids.
And she's so funny and such a character. She's my best friend. And she begging for an electric guitar now so she can learn to play this haha
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2-V8kYT1pvE

And the final message I got is that nothing matters but to be a good person. That was my message. The past doesn't matter. It's done. The suffering doesn't matter. It's done. It's in the suffering that our love and compassion grows the most.

Just be a good person and love all. Do your best. That's what it's all about

Beautiful, I'm so happy for you!

No thank you

And thank you to everyone here on the Nexus. Just for being who you are. Curious brave souls with lots of information and good advice

Very special place

Right back at you brother!

I love when the medicines give us what we need. I find the most healing comes from when we are resisting most!

This was a great share, blessings.

So cool i am happy for you