Oh I'm so confused, I have to create a picture in words of what I think I'm like so you can judge me.
I'm a man, a serious man that has journeyed through life seeking ...seeking an illusion that is "myself"
Looking back over the experiences I have had I see a realisation that I understand that "this" life is finite in its present form but have been allowed to see that this form is not the whole and is not finite.
I came from humble beginnings and have returned to a humble life- washing dishes in a restaurant to make enough to eat and heat.
My home used to be home to 3 cows and some hay, now its my home while I still breath and move.
I chased money and material things for 20 or more years,never finding solace in the endless acquisition ,only a feeling of unfulfilled anxiousness, always living in the future instead of the now.
The ebb and flow of interactions between living entities is such a common thing that its ignored.
But its complexity and beauty is truly infinite if only we spend the time to see it ,your engagement with a pet is truly astounding but its just "normal" nothing special...
Layers of complexity each intertwined within and without each other through our senses our emotions our thoughts and our actions.
As I aged a kind of mental plaque developed over my mind clogging it and stopping it from absorbing information and experiences without tainting it with my preconceptions and the cynicism of a jaded mind worn down by life's incessant demands.
I left my career , chose a simpler path, read a lot , then stopped reading and just thought a lot , then stopped thinking and just looked a lot , then stopped looking and tried to just 'be' still trying that.....
You try it !
DMT blew away the cobwebs , rekindled the flame of desire, re awoke the joyfulness and amazement of this existence I call my life , it also scared the life back into me!
I'm glad to be me.
Infinite blessings to all who find this place - its hard not to sound like a hippy after your journeys so I gave up trying !!