Is it possible to rekindle the fire inside of you?
Or is aging the process which makes you dull inside?
First i thought it was "just" regular depression, but now i think there might not be much left of "me" to work with at all. I've focused on work so much the past years and let everything else slide. Before i was interested in art and exploring my feelings. Now im just like "meh" all the time. Don't know if there is real empathy left. I feel as if i'm trapped in death row for a crime i comitted against myself. Now i'm just doing pushups all day to keep busy.

I laugh, i feel entertained...even motivated...one pushup, two pushups...three pushups...
I talk to others...i eat, i sleep...four pushups...five pushups....

But there is no youth left in me at 31, even though i feel as if i have never fully experienced what it means to be a young person. Now it seems to be too late. Planning to travel for a while - if that doesn't help im not sure there is hope.

Also trying to get back with my feelings, but don't really know how. I've always been the "through pain and suffering" artist type before i got into work, self preservation and all this stuff. Its all switched up now and people have told me i've become a self-reduced bore.

I feel the same in that i never really fully appreciated my youth, but i think that's very common, as they say youth is lost on the young, and 31 is still pretty young really, that's what i'm telling myself anyway

You're just now old enough to slow down and appreciate things more, but still young enough to throw plenty caution to the wind and go for it

Growing up inevitably it may not be possible to experience the you that you once were, but it's always possible to experience far better

So you are a self-reduced bore? Then focus on others, not on yourself. When was the last time you called somebody? (a call where you complained about your problems doesn't count) Or helped someone with their problems? Push-ups and self-serving art isn't really what other ppl need.

I know people in their mid-60's who still have youth inside of them.... I dont think it has to do with age. Seems more to do with lack of purpose or lack of passion maybe? (just guessing) Do you have any dreams that get you really excited that you want to chase? If you do - I suggest chasing them. If you dont, I suggest finding one or more to chase.

I used to be a through "pain and suffering" type artist as well, and I eventually realized that was holding back all my joy and holding back my art. Let go of that illusion - you already had pain and suffering, why not try making other art as well? Why limit yourself that way? Why punish yourself that way? Is art more important then joy? Why cant art bring you joy and be based in joy instead?

You dont have to keep feeling the way you feel now - even if you have felt this way a long time. It is possible to change - if you want to that is....

My advice (which probabbly doesnt count for sh"t) is play to your strengths. If you are a self reduced bore then revel in it and count your lucky stars that you arnt a serial killer or a paedophile. All this "onwards and upwards" and "be the best person that you can be" is a load of nonsense and contributes to the general malaise of society.
I am sorry if my comments appear to be a bit crass as i do not know the ins and outs of your condition Obliguhl. Be miserable and find joy therein.

Holy cow!!!

As I was sitting here trying to come up with something of value to add to this conversation, hug comes along & says pretty much exactly what I was thinking...

Thanks hug...

obliguhl, I feel you & I've learned the hard way; embrace & dive into what you're feeling & as hug said, be thankful you're not a serial killer or a pedophile!!!