Your story hit a chord to a time in my life where I experienced a very similar thing. It sounds very much to me like depersonalization/derealization like many have said before me. Mine wasn't from DMT but I believe from a really rough acid trip I had (if it was really acid, who knows without a test kit these days) but was triggered when I smoked synthetic cannabis. There has been great advice given to you already in this thread and I'll tell you how I overcame it.

First thing was I started reading a lot of philosophy which got my mind thinking in terms of mental perspectives. If you can change your mental perspectives you can change how you view this situation you find yourself in. I find the most effective way to do this is to expose yourself to many view points, not just ones common to your culture but try to read all different types of philosophy.

With these new perspectives go out for walks in nature. It is great to see nature at play in an untouched setting. Remember nature is the creator of all things and so has a soothing aspect and familiarity that can capture your mind like nothing else. Solitude is something that you might find a struggle at first but you don't need to go for a huge trek in your first go. Start off with a 10 minute walk and work your way up at a pace comfortable to you.

Another was finding a hobby. While I had a hobby before this happened it was more reading about the hobby rather than engaging in the doing of the hobby. I personally started getting interested in growing plants and also electronics. Although I didn't start actually growing plants til like 2 years later learning new information which I could find interesting helped me focus. Since then my hobbies have grown into something I am very passionate about but have also expanded into things such as playing music and ecology. A lack of creative outlet is something that I think damages a lot of people in our modern society, everything is so mass produced and linear.

Force yourself to go out and find different circles of friends. This doesn't mean to ditch your existing friends but simply expand your horizons. This is made a whole lot easier when you find a new hobby because suddenly you can hang out with people who have similar interests and real positive things can come from this.

I am assuming you've stayed off the drugs for a while since you say you cannot even smoke mj anymore and you're still feeling the same way. I found this was the case with me as well but after my first intense dmt experience I felt more able to relate to myself and people around me in the long term. I know this may seem daunting and you know deep down what you are ready for but it is something to keep in mind. A low dose of mushies has been suggested above which you seemed hesitant about but could I also suggest microdosing harmalas derived from plants (such as caapi vine or syrian rue) These don't have a hugely noticeable effect but over time they do work well to lift mood if all the research I have read is true.

Perhaps seek a councilor to discuss your feelings. I'm not too sure that pharmaceutical meds are the right way about it and luckily councilors as opposed to psychiatrists, cannot prescribe you medicine so they might be more inclined to listen to you rather than to dangle a script in your face. From what I've seen with these meds is that they are only effective if your taking them, once you stop the symptoms are worse. I like the idea posted about seeking out a shaman. This is something I believe that a shaman can help with.

Now I look back on it and I see that the time of depersonalization was really a period of spiritual growth for me and once overcome I think you'll realize this too. I wish you the best of luck mate and offer the invitation to PM me at anytime if you want a more personal chat, I'm pretty good at listening Best of luck, you can do it!

A.

I don't have much advise but I can say this. Do NOT tell a psychiatrist that you have taken a schedule 1 substance or you will NEVER get anything decent prescribed to you, you may actually need something from them like this, and their insurance companies will not let them prescribe anything like that to a confessed user. Just a heads up many people accidentally burn bridges this way. Maybe you can use something metaphorical to describe your experience, like, I had a bad burrito this one night, or bad sushi, say anything besides scheduled narcotics. Good luck friend!

I wish I could PM half of you guys who told me to PM you but it's not letting me cause I'm still a new member! I really like the Shaman idea but I have no idea how to seek one out I googled it for a couple of days and found nothing that looked legit

Me as well feel sorry to hear you are not ok.
I think you should try to start exercise because your brain and body Will start to feel happy.
Start think positive and think that nothing is wrong at all!!Life is life and you will be ok
.Remember,everything is really up in your head.Maybe its not going over for1 night but it will definitely be better

As a daily practitioner of shikantaza zazen, which involves doing nothing (basically, waiting, motionless) in the lotus position, I can give you a great solution to your problem: Stay motionless (in a comfortable position with nothing, no belt or tight pants to refrain the expension of your belly while breathing), and wait!


You will be much more aware of your thoughts, you will become conscious of things which you are not (and which keeping yourself busy prevents you) and eventually, you will heal. What has to come out will come out, and your stress will go away.

Doing so daily for about 15 minutes, perhpas while in your bed before sleeping, or after waking up, will be enough to give you great results soon enough.


While this would be a plus if you'd do nothing in the lotus position, it is absolutely not necessary.

Btw, I myself suffered from panic attacks after a few difficult, badly dealt ayahuasca trips. This was before I got more experience with psychedelics. My panic attacks stopped, and my anxiety greatly diminished after I start doing motionlessness a few years ago. I eventually started doing shikantaza zazen 2 years ago (which is the same thing but in the lotus potision) and it holds even greater result.

In the way, while better, the lotus position is absolutely not necessary.


p.s. I always do motionlessness now when I take psychedelics and receives a lot of healing during my sessions.


If you do try motionlessness, please give me feedback.

PM me. I am in Melbourne. I can help. If you still can't PM, respond with some temporary email address

MOD EDIT:

My experiences (aka the dangers of not integrating)

ages 15-18 Smoking massive amounts of grass that was grown locally Also taking very potent lsd every 3-4 days for the entire time. At the end of this we were all pretty much out there. Spiritual perfection. Was always the guy that took 10X what everyone else took, Everything was in order, but feeling the slow slip...

ages 18-20 Ran out of lsd, which was probably good. Grasping at straws.... I knew where I needed to be but couldn't get there. Starting to have mj issues where I would space out for hours after smoking a little bit, just as you stated, throat constricting, trouble speaking or dealing with people. Yet for some reason it was still grown and consumed en masse. Borderline psychotic, no real memory of things that happened on this plane. Other realities were more real then things that were happening in the here and now. I tried to get back to where I was and started growing fungi, salvia, dmt containing plants. I don't recall doing it, but I have been informed I probably tripped another 100+ times on fungi, dmt, dpt and things like that, smoked over a gram of 5meo-dmt. Was the wrong way to go but didn't know how else to live. Pretty much all trips were bad trips by my definition today, but at the time it just was what is. Homeless for a good chunk of this time. Looking back at this time, I think the biggest issue was lacking a baseline, I really needed a grounding time to land on the earth and take inventory.

ages 20-22 The dark era. Needed therapy, needed anti-psychotic meds, instead I drank a lot and used other drugs to kill awareness. (heavily dosed GBL 4-5 times a day and drank 2.5 gallons of vodka a week). This deadened everything which was horrible for my life and any hope for growth. This was the only way to keep reality from melting... if I stopped self medicating, the walls would bleed, and the carpet would be a thousand porcupines growing into my feet. Stagnation. Really and honestly, I just did not know how to live. At the end of this era my wife got pregnant, had a kid, and pretty much told me she wasn't willing to live with me. I was told to quit everything or gtfo. I cannot express how bad I felt for my wife.... here she was pregnant, living in squalor, etc yet she would prefer to have done it alone than to have me around.
Called into work on a thursday and told them I was sick. This was/is the first time I've ever had to miss work.
Stuck in bed for 3-4 days with horrible hallucinations and a fever. At the end I went back to the world. A lot of endurance was required to deal with this.

23-30 Ran my own business, raised two kids, didn't do any sort of drug or alcohol. Near the end of this I would say I was "normal" No lingering mental effects, not a ton of memory of the things that happened before. Had one small relapse for maybe a week and got past it. This was perhaps the hardest point in my life to date.

30+ Things are great. Best time I've had in my life. I've got balance. I can still trip on occasion (every month or so). I get a lot out of these experiences and I can temper them with everyday life. I can even drink a beer or two a night. Balance is key. Having one foot in hyperspace is ok because I know where the rest of me is.


I cannot pretend to tell you how to deal with this all. I can only tell you how I did it. The real trick was to take time off of everything drug related and learn to cope with life in the here and now. Throw yourself into projects, have a mission everyday. If tai-chi/meditation/religion etc work, cool. I can't recommend any of them, just do whatever works. Hopefully you can head these issue off far earlier then I did, and hopefully you can avoid the rigors I had to go through to get back to the source.

good luck brother,
Rw

Good advice, but I ROFL'd @ "Mannn, I ate this burrito ... must have had some bad beans cuz all of a sudden I was in hyperspace." lololol

As for the OP, I just came from another one of these threads and I'll say the same thing here; You are suffering from a DEFINITION problem and you don't need any drugs-legal or not-to fix that. Just the power of your own mind.

You need to redefine things in a way that works for you. DMT rattled your belief system. For example, you said you now feel like you're "just a mind" and therefore, nothing matters, etc.

THESE ARE JUST BELIEFS YOU CHOSE TO CREATE OUT OF NOTHING !!!!!!!!

You can do away with this sense of apathy in an instant by simply changing some of your definitions. You are just a mind? Ok. So why not go into the kitchen, grab a big meat cleaver, put your forearm on the counter, roll up your sleeve and slam the cleaver down ontop of it?

The reason you wouldn't do that, is because you are NOT JUST A MIND. You obviously HAVE A BODY and it would hurt a lot if you chopped your arm with a meat cleaver. And you know that. All you have to do is remind yourself that you know that, and become aware of it, and your old definition of "I am just a mind" cannot exist in the presence of your conscious consideration of that belief. But what about the fact that your body dissolved and you shot through hyperspace faster than lightspeed ... in your .... mind? Well ... what about it? Are you speeding through hyperspace now? No, you're trying to get laid and finish homework on time and are walking around in your BODY, etc., you're back in REAL LIFE now. But what's more real? Hyperspace or your body? The answer is neither. As far as you're concerned, they are both real, and are just as real as each other. All it means is that sometimes you have a body, and sometimes you do not. Depends whether you're alseep or awake, dead or alive, sober or smoked some DMT, etc.

What I am trying to show you here, is that it is completely, totally up to you how you define your experiences. You are simply choosing to define your DMT experience in a negative way, and getting to the root of a problem like this can be as simple as having an honest conversation with yourself. A lot of times we play the victim in these situations without realizing it. "Ohh, woe is me, life is so big and grand and I'll never understand it or find my place within it ...." and if that's how you think, THAT'S HOW YOUR LIFE WILL BE !!

It is literally as simple as this;

1. Identify the definition(s) holding you back or making you miserable,
ie) "I am just a mind"

2. Redefine it consciously to create a positive perspective.
ie) I am not "just a mind", because I can pinch my arm and I feel it. I have a body, and my body is as real to me as anything else, including my DMT experience.

VIOLA.

Here's another example;

1. Identify belief which does not serve you.
"Nothing matters because this reality is a projection from somewhere else."

2. Redefine.
"I now know that this reality is more important than I ever believed it to be, because it is a projection from somewhere else."

Ya, really though. It's really that easy. Trust me. Your experience of the world around you starts with your definition of it, and you literally have the choice to define it any way you see fit, so why choose definitions which depress and disconnect you? You could take the same DMT trip, and give it a different, more positive definition, and change everything. For example, you could even take your idea that "I am just a mind" by itself, and put a positive spin on the exact same statement.

ie) I am just a mind. I have learned that my body is but a temporary vessel, and that which I am made of is a part of something infinitely big and infinitely powerful which I do not fully understand. I feel as though I can connect to this power if I need to, and I now enjoy this gift of life with this new wisdom intact. I enjoy this life and aim to make the most out of it while it lasts, because I know is temporary.

Say it. Believe it. TRANSFORM.

The exact same sentence/idea made positive by changing the way it is defined, and so it is in life. You don't have to BS, or lie to yourself. Just think outside the box, get creative and find new ways to think about things. It really doesn't matter what comes at you, it matters how you define what comes at you. Life doesn't have to be anything you don't want it to, and as cliche as it sounds, it truly is WHAT YOU MAKE IT TO BE.

Lastly, one of the main aspects to living anxiety free is to stop taking life so seriously.

Life was meant to be experienced more than it was meant to be understood, and the sooner you understand that, the better off you will be.

And how do I know all this, you may wonder?
Let's just say, I know EXACTLY where you're coming from ...
And I turned out just fine.

Good luck to you, chief.

Go forth, define your world consciously, and choose your state of being.

I think you're in the right place for this kind of advice... Seems to be no lack of wounded healers here, naturally.

I've been going through almost exactly the same sort of thing, and am starting to get out of it now.
Shame to say, they led me to be a closet alcoholic for 3 years.
Though it wasn't DMT-related at all for me, I had been looking at DMT as a possible way to leave it. Now, however, I still haven't had an experience yet, but I believe that such would still be good for me to further try to better myself and my understanding of the world.

I think this 'episode' for me was my body trying to tell me that a change is needed.
Changing was what I did to alleviate the horrible thoughts that I drowned in every day...
It's made me more humble now, more open minded, and a lot nicer.

I'm not saying you need to change yourself, simply trying to relate.
With that said, for me, actually looking inside myself, looking at both what those thoughts were trying to tell me, and looking at what was actually causing me to think such things, led me to not only get rid of the evil, clouding thoughts I was filled with, but getting rid of them led me to become, rather currently is leading me to become, a better person.

DMT is actually used to facilitate and speed up these things though, as it does take you inside of your mind and makes you see it as a visual, physical place... I mean, that's only my theory, but it's a shared one I believe.

I'm sorry friend but DMT is not to blame here, it's you. You are making the conscious choice to let fear and anxiety rule your life. You can't live life as a victim because you will be chewed up and spat out by society and you will never advance. You're a human being. We are highly conscious beings that have can travel through space and can experience different realities just by training our brains. Why would you waste all of that potential by limiting yourself. Reality is only your perception when it gets down the bottom. You have the power to change your view on life. I know you can do it and I have faith in you.

I think you first need to understand that when you take DMT or ayahuasca you are opening a doorway to something much bigger than you. And this "bigger thing" probably wants you to face problems head on. Smoking DMT in the way you did might actually be considered an insult to the ayahauasca spirit. I might consider trying to take ayahuasca in it's natural form at a spiritual retreat with experienced healers or shamans.

If you want your problems to go away I recommend you do the following while alone.

1. Apologize for everything wrong you have ever done in your life. I mean every single little thing starting from the moment you can remember your first dishonest act. Every lie, every theft, every attempt to control someone, every time you made fun of someone, and every time you used someone. This will help you to clear your conscience and keep you from creating more negativity in your life.

2. You need to make time in your life to face fear. This means you need to spend time monitoring your thoughts daily and try to catch yourself experiencing fear or anything dishonest. If you know what your biggest fears are then try to organize time to do something to face those fears directly. Learn to stand up to fear whenever you feel it.

3. Make restitution whenever possible with people you have cheated or harmed. If it's not possible than at least tell yourself that you would if you could.

4. Try your best to forgive whatever you can. Try to understand people that you don't like or that don't like you. This is to help you deal with hatred and jealousy.

3. Stop desiring things you can never have. Celebrities, popular girls, nice cars, fancy clothes you can't afford. This also means that at least for 40 days try to give up all your desire for girls, luxury items, pornography, or anything special. Just live a simple life. No masturbation or sex. This is to help you expel selfishness and arrogance.

4. Try to eat a clean diet. No processed food, no sugar, no alcohol, no salt, no dairy products, and no junk food. Lots of protein, quinoa, fish, meat, vegetables and only small amounts of fruit. Lots of clean water. A lot of this will help to detox fungus or parasites. Something you may also want to consider as a potential source of your problems.

5. Whenever possible try to help someone else or sacrifice yourself for someone else's benefit.

Thanks to all those that replied, I ended up going to my doctor about it and confessed everything and he didn't even know what DMT was, I was prescribed 20mg of fluoxetine a day, I've been on it for about two months now and I've had no bad side effects, I've heard lots of bad things about Prozac but I couldn't really care less because I can now say for certain that I feel normal again, and I'm happy. Thank you all though

Not at all suggesting that you don't take the medication, as I'm no doctor. But to me after having gone through the integration period (still kind of am) taking Prozac seems like the easy way out to me. I can't say for sure maybe that is what you need. I don't know, but I am glad I took the time to properly integrate my experience so that I wouldn't end up going the route you did, or worse just dealing with the inanity.

It really is a horrific feeling sometimes not feeling real. There were times that I felt that if I didn't hold on to my sanity strong enough it would leave me forever. Often times I was emotionless. Things didnt effect me the same. I became apathetic. Yet I pushed hard through it. I found myself and I am happier than I was before. I feel better. That to me, is what psychs are for. Or can be. To grow out of your shell and be more free. The feelings of depersonalization are gone, some remnants are still there but they are vague and disappearing more and more with each day. I've learned that focusing too much on how you feel or how your mind is operating can be poisonous. Hypochondriac like even.

This is all my own experience. I am glad you feel better tho.

@anarchy

I wish I could've done it your way, but I thought a 3 year battle was too long to wait another possible few years, I decided that I'm too young to be feeling that way and even though it may be the easy way out, I think it was the right choice for me and I doubt I'll ever touch DMT again, though I am open to considering it. I really do miss the experience but I'm too afraid I'll end up the way I did again to the point of no repair

Glad you are feeling better and welcome back to the nexus, I've been on fluoxetine many years ago its absolutely fine you have nothing to worry about

Basically you tried it too young, you're brain was still developing and you had no idea what life was like in the material world let alone what else was out 'there'. Also you had no mental structures to decipher/ digest the experience and thats to be expected of someone 15 years old. In time you will find this experience has matured you albeit with a good ass kicking beforehand, maybe you will try it again maybe it just isn't for you.
This is something that concerns me with the increased availability of dmt that teenagers will start taking it as some sort of fun drug after hearing stories like alien journeys and deep space candy coloured trips, its so much more. I have had fun multicoloured eye-candy experiences but I am of a strong mind and was in my 20s and fully at peace with life and myself.

I had a similar depersonalised phase after taking acid one time, the first few times were great but then I had one when after the trip I felt a separation like I was in a bubble in a very dull world and my body was just flopping around after me lol. I think the thing that brought me round was mdma but I really don't advise it for you being on a ssri.

Stay safe, happy and look after yourself.

whenever your dealing with sacred medicine you need to approach it with utmost respect, we are limited within our range of fear and love on this planet cause we live within the limitations of a body, when you take the medicine you open the door to infinite possibility not just the good but also the bad. its very possible you when it and opened the wrong door. a good shaman or healer knows that protection is very essential in walking in that world. i dont know what happened to you in there but obviously something happened and now you are looking for ways of couping with it, but my suggestion to you is to find a healer who works on the energetic level preferably someone who works with this medicine, so that you can go in and have healed what you have done. i have seen some very intense things in that world things can attach to you even if you didnt ask them too beause you didnt protect yourself from them being very young you are more suseptable to these things happening to you. black magic is real and its very tricky and it can disguise itself and something very beautiful and you could invite it in without knowing. i hope this helps

from my experience being open and honest about past drug use gets you off to a very bad start with most mental health proffesionals. not to say this is a bad idea, but it is pretty hard to find one that wont automatically judge you at the first mention of methamphetamine or whatever.

Hey man, what you're going through is DP/DR, I'm almost certain. An intense 25i experience did the same to me once. I even feel it on cannabis often times, I know exactly how you feel. I've read that a positive Iboga experience has been shown to cure DP/DR, but I haven't tried it. Look into it, and good luck man.

Perhaps,
Your a thinker, and when smoking the dmt, you were thinking about the effect it could have on you and other stuff..
You panicked, and kept analyzing , returning into more panic, and more analyzing.. .etc..

I cant do some drugs for that reason.
Hell, i used to not trust the weed a friend comes with! Thinking its all laced and stuff..

But, i do STRONGLY suggest to wait untill u are 18. Before using psychedelics. And i dont advice use of it anyway.

It seems like the "easy way out", but much to the contrary, it is not.

Pharmaceuticals suppress symptoms, do not resolve the underlying imbalances &, more often that not, make said underlying imbalances much worse than they were before taking pharmaceuticals (this is especially true with anxiolytics, antidepressants & antipsychotics) .

Thus, they create a long, drawn-out spiral of side-effects & health problems down the road when you're older.

Yes, it seems like the easy way out, but diving into the pharmaceutical world always creates hardship & more problems down the line that generally end up being "treated" (I use that word lightly in this context) with more pharmaceuticals &/or surgeries.