It's interesting what we learn from each other, especially those close to us like family and familiar faces. And it's equally interesting what we could learn from each other... but simply don't.

I wrote these two sentences above in an attempt to create a thesis sentence that would tie into my observations of individual people in my life, society, and myself (though as this entire writting session developed the aim of it has also gradually changed in intent, attitude, and expectation). It's two sentences meant to just give me some space to explore philosophically in what i'm even trying to think about and convey; much like many other sentences in life.

And it ties into a vague lesson i've been learning about life. This lesson i'm learning has been developing for quite a good while. But it's suddenly just stopped in progress, as if for some reason either life got tired of teaching or i got tired of learning; even though there is reason for me to learn in regard to correlation with the imminence of death that compels life to teach as it gradually ends, if that makes any sense? Not only that but it's like I myself stopped somewhere along the line that separates the me who is typing this now and the me a year ago.

The me a year ago had more youth, energy, motivation, curiosity, gratitude, and humility. The person i am now has all previous traits but there seems to be a hesitancy and withdrawing away from them now. Some factors aren't the big picture but are still important and haunting images that fade into the back of my eyesight as i stare off, thinking... Thinking about why it is that my behavior has changed; not for the worse, but more for the less.

And you know, it's simple things: 1) Be grateful for being alive, it will end one day (But it's like i don't have the vigor needed for being grateful for being alive and enjoying life). 2) Do things that both help maintain "peace" with your closest companions and furthermore do things that are important to those individuals (like say, doing the dishes so that my dad doesn't have to do them (motivation issues). Or maybe like say, directly talking to my father and communicating with him and not just talking "small talk" to fill in the void uselessly (it always feels like i have something to say but don't know where to begin). And 3)Do things that matter to me (But of course, i get overwhelmed with doing things that don't matter to me because they are easier to achieve than the things that i care much more about)

I think that for the most part I am the one putting up this obstacle and that i am the only one who can overcome it. But... I don't know...

What do you do when the "question" is so complex that you can't even ask it straightforward and to top it off the "answer" isn't a singular unit pertaining to a single issue?

I'm expecting a vague "slap" from a difficult life experience meant to literally push me down my destiny. I don't know what that means but i'm not ready. I just hope that I am the one to slap myself into a better life-style and not an Entheogen, my parents, or someone else i haven't met yet but imagine and fantasize over. I need change and that will never happen unless i try really hard; and it won't be easy...

Life starts now i guess. (btw LightDancer, i haven't been able to stop listening to that song! it's so good)

Well, thanks for listening. Has anyone else gone through or is going through something similar to some extent?

I've noticed some parallels in our thinking, more specifically this passage (and especially 2 and 3).


Numbers 2 and 3 are essentially my policies with how to interact with people and run my life. I do all that I can do to be as kind and courteous to everyone around me, avoiding conflict in any way I can and making sure that I don't negatively impact the people I am around if I can at all help it. In addition I've also made it my life's goal to be doing what I want to do for as much time as I possibly can, and to minimize doing things I don't want to do. This has lead to a rather unstable living condition (not having the security of a reliable income is definitely a tough monkey to carry) but unparalleled levels of freedom in personal expression that I would never give up even if my residency tends to change on a seasonal basis. Besides, I get bored and angsty if things stay the same for too long. Days begin to flow into each other, time loses meaning, all of that stuff.

Yes, you are the one putting this obstacle of learning this grand lesson of life on yourself. Obstacles are, by definition, something that you need to put time and effort into completing. This is a challenge, and the grander the reward the harder the challenge will be. Your challenge, as it appears to me, is the goal of having a grounding in the truth of reality and experience transcending the cultural and institutional illusions that we live through on a daily basis and how they relate to the people around you in addition to having some sort of lesson/methodology that one can follow to determine the same truth and use it to their advantage. This is a challenge that entire religions were built up, over thousands of years and over gallons of blood, to complete. Ultimately there is no definable end point here for various reasons, you can only go as far as your life span and mind allows you to. The challenge will never end, no one will be able to complete it, only chip away more and more at it. The solution to the challenge is the collecting of lessons learned from certain experiences you will go through as a person, and when none of these valuable experiences are occurring then progress slows to a halt. If I had to guess from my perspective as an armchair philosopher (and psychologist? philopsycholopher?) this is what's happening, you're currently stuck in a situation in which nothing new and novel is happening so you have no material in which to learn things you don't already know.

Speaking from my limited life experience and working under the assumption that you and I share similar thought processes and behavior, when you know there is a change that must be done but find yourself unable to commit to that change then the change will usually be made via an outside source. An example I can think of is one from my school days, in which I was failing to meet several academic responsibilities that would lead to me being expelled and placed into another system ultimately having a negative outcome on myself. I knew I had to make the change, but the habits that formed were that of lethargy and apathy which were so deeply entrenched that to attempt to change them was met with a huge amount of mental resistance. Ketamine changed this, in which during a K-Hole I had a rather comedic encounter with a floating head that told me (with very slang laden English) that I was on a path that lead to a future that I very much did not want. After this my behavior changed almost over night. Similar stories surround almost every major change in my life, of which I can't think of any that I brought upon myself without heavy influence from an outside source. Of course this doesn't mean that it was impossible for me to change myself, its just rather difficult.

I enjoyed reading this OP, made the gears in my head turn.

De, i appreciate your thoughts and insights you too made me think and see a whole different angle to all this that i didn't have previously.

it is interesting what we can teach ourselves also, and then simply unbelievable how many people there are out there that could teach us more than we dreamed if we would only teach our feet to go, and then don't

Interesting philosophy ^

I have found that the best answer can only be formed through a continuum of unanswered questions. You need only make the words.