I relapsed really bad last week and am at a rehab place. The week had started off alright. Social drinking with friends and not getting blackout but I just kept on drinkin alone the next day (Monday) until Thursday night. I got caught in my room by someone who cares about me because I wasn't replying to their texts. I was super drunk so they called an ambulance on me. Not much happened there (at least I don't think I had my stomach pumped but my drunk ass doesn't really know what happened.) The cops took me to the drunk tank, or more formally, alcohol detox center. My BAC was crazy high because I wasn't at 0 until 3pm the next day. Withdrawal wasn't bad enough for them to give me meds because I didn't have the shakes. WD started at around 1pm and through the two day course of withdrawal, consisted of pins and needles sensations, feeling icky, night sweats and other bad feelings that I can't explain. Happy to be at rehab this time which I can't say about the last time where I was sent there and lied my way through without addressing most of the underlying issues/saying I felt better so I could get out. I'll write later after the movie ends in the common room.

My heart goes out to you, LSDvibes! Addiction is not something easily overcome. But you know this. All I want to say is to be strong and remain positive. The mind is a powerful tool and when used to its fullest potential, you can transcend any and all problems found on this little place we call Earth. I struggled with meth addiction personally for a couple years and spent the last few years recovering.

I'm clean now and have been for over 2+ years. It was a long and winding road but it was worth it in the end. I had hurt a lot of people but it took me forever to realize I was mostly hurting myself. The scariest part was that I didn't care. At all. It took damn near a nervous breakdown, being evicted twice (causing temporary homelessness) destroying 3 relationships (girlfriends) and eventually freaking out so much I had to be dragged home and go through a detox under the supervision of my disapproving and disappointed parents. No parent should ever have to see their adult son put themselves through that. They did start me on the road to sobriety (from meth. I still enjoy psychedelics of course but I stay away from any "hard drugs" these days). But anyway I am rambling...

The power comes from within. Whatever you want in life, you can achieve even if it means taking one baby step at a time. I have faith in you. Do you have faith in yourself to accomplish your goals? I think so

Best of luck to you, friend

Thanks, Thegratefulone! Happy to hear you're clean. I don't know if this is stretching the truth, but from my experience, (only two years since my drinking became alcoholic and having only restarted drinking three months ago) alcohol is not dissimilar to hard drugs when abused chronically. The withdrawals and havoc it can wreak on people's lives is quite intense. The legality of alcohol I think makes it easier for people to seek help but it also makes it way easier to obtain. I didn't even seek help since I thought I could cut down on my own and drink socially. Truth be told, I prefer to drink alone. Now I'm looking for ways to not be alone and depressed when sober because that's the main thing that drives me to drink. I'm grateful that I'm only in my twenties and that I haven't lost much to this disease but I'm fearful of the "yets" that AA talks about.

My question for you all in recovery or not is what did you you do and what made sobriety become easier and eventually content? I'm sick of the highs and lows of an alcoholic life/addiction but sobriety can be so hard. I want to post here and on recovery baser forums so I have something personal to read when I'm out of rehab and fall into my addictive thinking.

I agree completely, alcohol has a huge potential for harm and addiction and the fact that it is legal only makes it worse. That said, legality isn't an issue when something has that kind of hold on you, but it certainly makes it easier to obtain and causes your loved ones to leave it a lot longer, even after it's become an addiction. I understand your compulsion to do it alone, I had (maybe still have) the same problem. Which leads me to my answer for your latter question, I found DMT, a drug I can do alone and not have the urge to keep going. I was able to kick a seemingly hopeless addiction to both crystal meth and freebasing cocaine. These drugs (for me anyway) had a delightful social element, but when I used alone I just had to keep going and going until I had nothing left and no way of getting any (until payday, at which point I'd start all over again). When I started extracting my own DMT, I finally found a drug that I could have a copious stash of and not have the urge to smoke it all. That was what changed it all for me, it taught me self control, and while I can't honestly say I'm *clean* I do have the self control not only to say no when offered, but I don't have the urge to use alone any more.

I understand your struggle and really empathise with you. Sorry if it's not the best advice, but that's what worked for me, because I realised that my problem wasn't the drugs I was using (I'd get on anything I could get my hands on) but the compulsion to get fucked up while I was alone.

I am fascinated by the potential of psychedelics to have therapeutic applications, especially for addictions. I won't be able to smoalk for a while and it adds to the shame of drinking because if I hadn't gone overboard with it, I wouldn't have had my L stash and rootbark taken from me.

Awwwwww, man! Now I feel for you even more

Stay strong brother

Thank you for sharing so honestly. Click the "Why am I here" on my signature and you will see we have much in common. I have been sober now for 7+ years and clean from all hard drugs the same length. I took 2 years off of everything and still work a recovery program. Bill W was a bit of an esoteric as you can read here https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bill_W If you remain on the psycedelic path I urge you to have a period of abstinence from all substances until you have worked steps and studied hard to find people like you and I who can help you develope your personal protocol. This is just my opinion based on my experience and what I do will not work for everyone. I was a low bottom addict and now I free so long as I remain vigilant.

That's sad to hear that you had a relapse, but you seem to welcome positive change and want to get better from your addiction. I was a stone cold heroin addict, either shooting dope or dosing methadone daily for over 20 years, until I used 5meo and n,n, DMT as tools for self discovery and strength to pull me out of it. You can do it.

I do not derive any strength from the 12 step fellowship , but have found meetings before that became a crucial part of my support network. The DMT nexus has been an integral part of that network this time around, providing me great insight and helping me integrate the psychedelic experience into my healing, and being part of a community is a great thing too.

I wish you all the strength, endurance and perseverance you need to get through this. You are blessed with a tiny flash of time here on this planet to feel all it has to offer, revel in the experience, don't sleep through it. Peace my friend.

I love that... it definitely speaks to me. The time we have here is precious. Carpe diem... but not so much that we miss the important things... or so much that we hurt ourselves and the ones important to us.

Your path:

It is more than a struggle.
It is an uphill battle and the hill is at a 90 degree angle.
It will not be easy.

But it is possible with sensible goals and a positive outlook. You can succeed.

I agree. Numbing the pain and the urge to use with other drugs carries a huge risk of swapping one addiction for another. That said, I still believe DMT and it's related compounds offer a excellent path to find the inner strength to deal with addiction.

I agree with Skooby - there is a huge well of strength to be tapped into by putting some time into complete sobriety, and showing yourself that life is not dictated to you by a destructive substance. That strength is something that you'll be able to draw on again and again through life, albeit hard-won. Entheogens are something you can introduce to recovery as a tool for personal introspection in the interests of self-betterment, but are not the end in themselves - I'm simply reading the subtext in that you were in possession of them already at the time at which all of this happened, so there is more work to be done in the real world.

Alcohol is dumb, you are smart. The winner should be obvious

Strength to you on your journey.

I'll have a month in about a week. Being sober has been relatively easy because my depression is a lot better and I like the people at my rehab. A few of them are inclined towards psychedelics like myself which has made it easier to relate. I appreciate the kind and supportive messages! My main struggle so far is boredom and getting antsy at rehab because we don't have much to do during downtime besides smoke cigarettes.

Hey man I relapsed really bad last week aswell there
are alot of good members here to help you The traveler is a nice man
along with many other uses to help and guve you advice.
i relapsed just be strong keep head up...